Relationships with pets can be stressful and they’re definitely not always easy.
While it’s certainly not very common to hear stories about extreme conflict with pets at home, I think these stories exist, but aren’t often shared because those with strained pet relationships either feel ashamed or as though they will be harshly judged by other pet owners for feeling a sense of resentment or hatred toward their pets.
But conflicts happen, and negative emotions can and do spring up. It happens between people, and it can happen between pets and their owners as well.
Conflict is a reality of life, and to get through problems, if a solution is not obvious, issues should be discussed so they can be identified and resolved, no matter how uncomfortable talking about negative emotions towards pets may make us feel.
I’m ultimately convinced that the issues between pet owners and their pets can be resolved in almost every case.
After all, a pet owner cared enough for their pets to take them into their home and look after their needs in the first place. Of course, the initial step to resolution is identifying the individual problems that created the hostility to begin with.
Once that’s done, steps can be taken to patch these issues up, one problem at a time.
If you feel you hate your cat, I have a hunch it’s not really your cat you hate. Please correct me if I’m wrong in the comments down below, but if you feel you hate your cat, I think the problem is more or less one of the following:
- You think your cat hates you because of the way your cat acts toward you, and so you resent your cat for that,
- You hate specific things your cat does (like scratch your clothes and furniture, run away from you, or wake you up with whining early in the morning), or
- You hate that your cat doesn’t do specific things (like cuddle, or sit in your lap, or look at you when you call).
Again, please let me know if the problem you have with your cat has nothing to do with any or all of the above.
However, if your negative emotions do stem from one or a combination of the above problems, help is here!
(Edit 09/14/2018: There is another type of hatred toward your cat that Kailey in the comments drew attention to.
It’s essentially a type of hatred you can have for any pet because of the overhwelming responsibility having a pet brings. If you’re in this boat, take a look at my article on the topic here.)
Part I: I Think My Cat Hates Me, So I Hate My Cat
If you happen to think your cat hates you and want to take steps toward troubleshooting and resolving this particular issue, I’d recommend taking a look at the full article I’ve written up on cats hating their humans here.
The TLDR;
Cats don’t actually hate their owners, but they will act in ways that may make you think they hate you due to something being wrong with them, or due to there being an issue with their environment.
Things that could be wrong with a cat include:
- Physical illness.
- Physical injury.
- A need for more exercise/play.
- A change in the environment that’s somehow causing distress.
- A lack of stimulation from the environment, causing a cat to be in a state of perpetual boredom.
When there is something wrong for us, as humans, we try to change things by taking matters into our own hands, talking about the issue to someone who can resolve it, and/or have an emotional reaction to the problem by getting motivated, angry, frustrated, or even sad.
When there is something wrong for a cat, he or she will have a similar emotional reaction – getting annoyed, upset, anxious, and/or antsy – but will also not be able to communicate what exactly is wrong or take steps to change the problem for him or herself.
Acting out, which is essentially what a cat acting like he or she hates you boils down to, is the only way a pet can communicate to his or her owner there’s a problem.
And yes, even something we may think is slight, like a lack of stimulation, can become an enormous problem for a cat over time.
To solve the negative behavioural issues in this case, find out what’s wrong with your cat and take steps toward resolving it. Once the problem is resolved, the behavioural problems should then go away.
Again, if you find yourself in this boat here’s the play-by-play on what to do if your cat is acting like it hates you.
Part II: I Hate My Cat Because He/She Does Things That Drives Me Nuts
While not, in my opinion, the majority – many cats are completely indifferent to the preferences of their owners and will do what they want, when they want, completely unconcerned by how it makes their pet owners feel and react.
Then there’s the very small percentage of cats who are substantially worse and actually get a kick out of doing all the things their humans hate. Purposefully disobeying is actually a source of highly enjoyable entertainment for cats like these.
It sucks when you end up with a cat who is indifferent toward your wishes, and it’s even more frustrating when you end up with a cat with malicious intent – set on doing things he or she knows you hate simply because you hate them.
But does that mean the situation can’t be helped? In my opinion, there’s still plenty you can do.
You can in fact train your cat to stop doing certain, incredibly annoying things.
While it will take a lot of time and effort on your part, it should be possible to change even the most frustrating of pet behaviours, and while no cat will ever be perfect, life gets one hell of a lot easier when you take the time to train your pet out of those specific bad behaviours you just can’t stand.
Of course, there will be some things you’ve likely got to give up on and let slide, but being insistent on change for those annoying pet behaviours that really bother you means there can finally be peace at home because your negative emotions toward your pet, if they originated from those specific bad behaviours, will change to positive ones.
Training Your Cat to Stop Doing Certain Things
Before you try training your cat to stop doing certain things, I’d advise you to make absolute sure nothing is wrong with your cat and/or his or her environment first.
Make sure to:
- Get your cat checked out a the vet if you haven’t had a check up lately.
- Reduce your cat’s boredom as much as physically possible. (Here’s some tips for doing this quickly & easily. At work all day? Try some home alone cat toys for cats to play with by themselves).
- Inspect the environment for changes that could be making kitty moody, uncomfortable, or upset.
- Play with your cat so it can get it’s hunting game on at least once, maybe even twice a day (for at least 15-30 min).
- Make sure your cat is getting enough exercise. Cat too lazy to play? Have your cat do a quick, daily workout routine using this surefire system.
If the negative behaviour still exists after you’ve been sure to resolve any and all issues your cat may have had, it’s time to tackle the bad habit that’s been driving you nuts head on.
Types of things you can train a cat to stop doing include:
- Scratching up furniture and clothing
- Whining for food constantly, all day long
- Waking you up in the morning with crying
- Running away whenever you come near
- Jumping up on counters
- Hiding under beds
…and honestly a vast amount of other things. The general rule for training your cat out of a certain behaviour?
Step 1: Figure out the reason behind the behaviour (examples include: wanting food, wanting to scratch, being afraid of interactions with you, wanting access to food left out, or wanting to feel secure, etc.)
Step 2: Offer alternatives that will fulfill those desires and needs (examples include: changing to meals, having dedicated scratch rugs and furs, adding hiding spots in the house kitty can go to besides under the bed, etc.)
Step 3: Discourage kitty from fulfilling his or her wants and needs in the ways you dislike (examples include: clapping loudly and shouting, “No!” when you see your cat scratching up furniture, going on counters, going under the bed)
Step 4: And finally, reward your cat for good behaviour by giving out snacks and affection (congratulating kitty with “Good Jobs!” and/or petting if that’s something your cat likes) whenever he or she fulfills his or her wants and needs in ways you do approve of (examples include: giving kitty kibble each time you see him or her use the scratching post or a dedicated scratch rug, giving your cat a treat each time he or she jumps on a chair next to you instead of the dinner table, etc.).
I’ve written up a large number of articles on cat training, and will continue to do so considering I believe training cats out of bad behaviours is ultimately good for both cats their owners.
A happier pet parent after all makes for a happier household for any pet. If there’s something your cat does that drives you up a wall, let me know in the comments section.
I’ll try to direct you to an article of mine that will hopefully help resolve the issue, or if I haven’t gotten one up on the topic yet, will do my best to get out a step-by-step guide on how to train your cat out of that behaviour.
Part III: I Hate My Cat Because He/She Doesn’t Do Things I Wish It Would
Cat’s usually just aren’t the warm, snuggly creatures that dogs often are. It’s just the way things are.
But even still, there are some cats that are more antisocial than others, and this can drive a pet parent who simply wants to be able to get near enough to give his or her cat a nice little pat on the back every once in a while a heartache.
If you’ve adopted a cat whose not into cuddles at all, I cannot promise you can turn your cat into a snuggling machine, but I can promise that even the most anti-cuddle pet can turn a lot more cuddly with enough time, effort, and – let’s be honest – bribery, as food is a crazy effective motivator for cats.
Training Your Cat To Do & Like What You’d Prefer It To
If you’d like to train your cat to put up with or maybe even enjoy a little interaction with you, it’s a process.
It’ll take a long time, but breakthroughs, as I’ve said, are completely possible even with the least cuddly of cats.
If you’re willing to put in the effort, start by teaching your cat not to run away from you – a simple process that’s easy in theory, but does take persistence to successfully do. I’ve outlined the process of training your cat to stop running away from you here.
Once you’ve gotten past this initial step, the next one is to use some of the tips outlined in this article to, over time, turn your cat into a cuddlier version of him or herself.
Again, not every cat is going to turn into a teddy bear or a lap cat, but every cat is likely to become a lot more accepting of and even happy with petting – so it’s worth the effort.
Have You Ever Harboured Negative Emotions Toward a Pet?
Have you ever had any negative emotions toward a pet? Sadly, I’ve been there before with Avery.
Cats can be rainbows and butterflies, but they have claws, too at the end of the day.
It’s not all pros and no cons when it comes to cat ownership – as with everything in life, there are good parts and bad, though of course, the pros do significantly outweigh the cons to most of us pet owners.
I used to resent Avery a bit around a month or two after we first took him in.
He’d wake us up earlier and earlier each morning. Getting very little sleep as a new pet parent and having no clue how to fix the problem drove me up a wall.
Took me months of trial and error to figure out what to do, but once I did, the implementation was oddly easier and more quick to implement than I thought.
With the experience I have now, most problems that crop up are easily resolved.
Training a cat gets a lot easier over time: not just because a cat will get more used to being trained over time, but also because you get used to cat psychology, and learn how to make the process of training painless and actually often enjoyable for your cat.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where something your cat did drove you up a wall, what was it? Did you take steps to change it? Work around the problem? How did things eventually turn out?
If you were to give advice to those who are frustrated by their cat’s bad behaviour, what advice would you give?
One last thing before I invite you to take to the comments section – please make sure whatever words you leave for other pet parents are respectful and empathetic.
No one adopts a cat wanting to hate it. Sometimes negative emotions just bubble and build out of frustration and hurt.
Those who find themselves in this type of situation should be helped, not looked down on. After all, if they are here it’s because they’re looking for a resolution to their problem.
Thank you in advance for the understanding I’m sure you’ll show, and I’m really looking forward to hearing your thoughts and stories down below.
Hello, I am not sure if I will still get a reply to this as its been many years since posted but I am struggling and worth a shot to send it in.
My partner and I have 3 cats, 1 being his from before we were together and 2 we’ve adopted since being together.
His cat loves to go and be outside and when they first moved in he always wanted to go outside and then started being mean to my old cat that lived with me cause he wanted to go outside so bad and was taking it out on her when we didnt let him out whenever he wanted (she moved back to my parents since his cat was being so mean).
Since going outside so much, he ended up getting worms and starting leaking diarreha drops all over my house (counters, ledges, tables, dressers, bedding, floors, etc). I felt and still feel so disgusted by this that he was leaving poop on my counters and so I didnt want him on anything, espcially the counter and tables. My partner did not help with keeping him off of these surfaces when he was sick.
1 year later and I am still struggling with this and it is getting really bad. I hate the cat. I don’t want him around me. Whenever he is around, I get really worked up. I started shooing him away whenever he was around as I was feeling so much hate and anxiety towards him that it was better when he wasn’t around me. He now only comes around if my partner is there and that is also adding to my hatred towards him. My partner does not understand how I feel. He loves me and his cat and noted “i needed to figure it out, or else” as he is not getting rid of the cat. (I dont even truly know if that is what i want cause i loved this cat before but i cant get myself back there)
What do I do?
How can I get over this before it completley ruins my life and relationship.
I think you need to focus on getting over this for you. Here’s what I’d say:
You need to accept all the reasons you hate this cat, and I don’t know if you realize how many they are. They include:
1. Causing pain and suffering to your own cat.
2. Causing you to need to give up your own cat to your parents.
3. Causing you to see that if the cat falls sick, the responsibility falls on you to clean up after him with no help from your significant other.
4. Causing you to feel that your husband values your cat over you. Which finally led to…
5. Your behaviour of anxiety and stress when he was around and shooing him away leading him to dislike being around you, which just makes everything else worse.
If you want to get over this, you need to look that cat in the eye and realize that it isn’t him you resent, it’s all that he reminds you of. And then you need to work through all these issues, some which may need the help of your significant other.
It might help to describe things from his perspective: what if it was his cat you had to get rid of instead of yours? How would it feel if your cat had caused that to happen? How would he feel if your cat got sick but he did all the work to clean up after your cat and never volunteered to help? You totally get being attached to a cat, but how would he feel if you had told him that “you need to figure it out, or else” if it was your cat who he was having the issues with, instead of the other way around? Would he feel understood?
If you acknowledge the pain and what caused it, I think you’ll be able to have a good stare at the cat you once liked, realize he isn’t the true problem, and all the horrible incidents that surrounded him were the real problem. And then I think you can begin to rebuild your relationship with him. I will probably bring both you and him comfort if you can forgive the cat for things he didn’t mean to cause.
There are things that my cat does that irritate me to no end. She whines and yowls in the middle of the night/ early mornings out of shear boredom because we’re sleeping or frustration because the bug she wants to chase is on the ceiling. Its gotten much better because with these types of things its best not to entertain her behaviour. Also she bites when she plays because she wasn’t socialised well as a kitten, we got her as an almost adult. I have regrets that we didn’t adopt her with a buddy kitty her age so she could rough play and chase around with another cat. We just don’t play with our hands and if she tries to bite either of us the game is over and she doesn’t get to be on the couch with us until she’s calmer. She also prefers my partner over me and in a sense that gives me resentment towards her but I have accepted that that is her character and all that I can do is appreciate when she does come to me for attention and understand that she’s just a little kitty and doesn’t have the capacity to be hateful. I hope this helps anyone who comes by this and reads.
Yea, you cat lovers are something else. You sacrifice personal space, privacy, sanity, and free time and money all for “It’s you that’s the problem, not the cat.” I’ve been searching online for what to do for a perfectly healthy cat[YES I’VE BEEN TO THE DAMN VET], Eats good, uses the litter box, has plenty toys, gets play time, gets loving, gets treats and even the type to keep their teeth/gums clean. Spent $300 on medicine when we first nabbed him cause he was really sick, and then later on the Neuter and Shots. I’m not convinced on your “expert” advice because no, nothing you said in this entire waste of time article is anything relevant to the situation. My cat is an asshole. Assholes aren’t allowed in my house.
I would like to add my experience so far.
My husband and I adopted Michael, a neutered male, age 4, in February. His owner passed, the family left the cats outside, a neighbor cared for them until Dec. A shelter took him in along with 4 other cats. They had been adopted from different litters as kittens.
Michael was scared and stressed out with acne and too much weight. He chilled out then got really clingy. He’s generally a scared cat, peed everywhere, just anxious.
One of the cats that was rescued with him, Bob, was returned to the shelter. The other cats in that house just didn’t mesh. We saw him and agreed that we should adopt him. Companionship for Michael.
It was good for a few weeks. They met and were quick friends but it’s quickly changed.
We did not do an amzing and consistent job of introducing the cats. They started out with play fighting too hard. They scared me with all the yoewling, hissing, and thumps. They have since learned each others style. Their play fighting is usually harmless fun. I try to stop any bullying.
Anyways, their behavior is not something we feel we can manage anymore. The training it will take is not something either of us is up to doing longterm.
The disrupted sleep is the biggest strain. We’ve tried to ignore them but the anxiety is awful and worse than no sleep.
We are ar our wits end. Thankfully the shelter accepts surrenders and are no kill. This is unfortunately not their forever home.
I’m very late here so I’m not sure this is even going to get seen. I adopted a one year and 2 months old cat a month ago from a local shelter. I’ve always loved cats and grew up around them, I suffer from pretty severe anxiety and after years of debating whether I should get one. For years I wanted a cat who was affectionate, would climb onto my lap, nuzzle me and just be a general companion. And so my boyfriend talked me into getting one and encouraged me. So we went to the shelter, the whole affair was a bit rushed but I ended up taking home this inquistive kitty who walked up to me with big round eyes. She had just been returned from foster care, and had a litter of kittens.
I didn’t hold her or interact much which in hindsight was a mistake, but her foster parent said that she was a smoochy and confident cat. So we took her home. She was a bit scared the first week but settled down, and whilst she’s a great cat in the sense that she uses the litter right, doesn’t destory furniture, or do any 3am zoomies. I find myself incapable of creating a bond with her and I feel so so terrible.
She’s very unhappy about being picked up, I can really only pet her when she’s sleeping and that’s about it. We play regularly at night, but she never comes up for pets or cuddles and it just breaks my heart. I haven’t seen a glimpse of the smoochy cat I was told at the shelter.
It’s super frustrating because I’m giving her all the best foods, toys, scratching posts doing all the best I can for her. I really just want some love in return.
Hi Friend, It sounds like you have a cute young cat, so if you were to “exchange” your cat with someone else who is looking for a cat more like yours and has a cat more like what you’re looking for. You could both be better pet owners that way.
Secondly, my cat hated us when we first got him, and he took years to come around to wanting to be pet, so I think there is still hope if you want to keep trying, it just may take a long time.
I’m an animal lover I always have been I grew up raising all the babies chickens, cats, dogs, pigs, turkeys, horses I love them all and I feel horrible but I hate my second cat Miko I wish he was gone I can’t stand him and his behavior. My partner and I didn’t plan on getting this cat we got our first cat Quincy together our first boy. We spent months looking for the perfect baby we wanted and this was the first time in my life I ever paid for a cat. And he is every thing we wanted he’s perfect attentive, listens,loves attention cares about everything we do he cooks with us he literally love sitting with us what ever we do, he’s great in cars and going places he just was everything we ever imagined. When he was almost a year old my mother started pushing another baby kitten around his age on us she got this kitten from some trailer park where all these drug addicted people have a bunch of sick cats having babies all the time, the rest of his litter was killed by the mother and my mom saved this kitten and I thought maybe my first cat needed a friend even though we didn’t originally plan for that but she was so pushy and I felt bad this cat had a bad start we decided to take him. Fast forward they are both 3 now and I still love my first cat more he’s still everything to me he literally is my baby and my second cat just isn’t. He only wants attention when it’s just him and buy that I mean to lay and lick in my bed all day. Not because he wants attention because he wants what he wants and if you tell him no immediately he goes to the food bowl. And he’s chubby I try to monitor his feeding and tell him no food so he gets upset and crys and cry I can spray a whole spray bottle at him he won’t shut up. I have to put food up at night because he will eat all my other cats food my other cat never over eats. I put it up higher because my other cat quincy is more athletic and for once in his life miko actually jumps up for the food. If there isn’t food he will take things out of my garbage to eat. I can’t leave for 2 days without him eating all the food in one day leaving my first cat nothing. Aside from the food problem hes constantly anxious traveling is hard he has accidents and I looked into it I do existensive research everytime there is an issue so we tried taking it slower with him I understand he might just not be as confident as my first cat so we took measures to help with that. But aside from that I don’t think he’s there mentally. He’s never been able to pull his claws out of anything so much so I was scared when he was younger because he would freak out and almost rip his nails out, he can’t eat out of bowls properly he bites the whole side of the bowl while trying to eat. I tell him not to do things he freezes and meows excessively or continues to do it. My first boy listens I tell him no he promptly stops and runs over to you. I get upset he did something bad he always seeks me out to make up. I don’t have this connection with this second cat and I can’t stand it and when I look at him I wish he was just gone. Obviously I care about him because I have gotten rid of him and I care that he goes to a good home he is very sweet boy and he has special things about him he will snuggle but again it’s not more snuggling at it is laying in be because he wants too, he’s the only cat I’ve ever had that fetches balls ever since he was little he’s been a soccer player then brings the ball to you to throw, he has a funny way of runny that he look like a monkey with his tail, and I am worried they are too bonded they snuggle and play but there are times I wonder of they even care about eachother,and he’s never in anyway aggressive or anything like that I’m just not sure his personality lines up or his mental but I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know what to do I’m just at my end and I don’t like my first cat seeing me so upset at the second cat I don’t think its good for anyone in the household. My partner feels the same we’ve talked about rehoming but we haven’t because we worry of a good enough home. 1 year ago we started taking care of a stray that was outside our apartments and he was beautiful but so scared of everything we helped him learn to love people and we really loved him. We found him a home but we always said if we hadn’t of gotten this second cat we would have kept that stray ourselves. And that makes me feel bad.. I don’t know if I’m wrong to feel this way. Sorry for the long story. Any advice? I’ve never been okay with getting an animal to get rid of it because it’s a commitment you make but this is the first time I’ve ever thought of it.
Idk how to set up my own comment it’s only letting me reply, and I reeeally need to vent. I owned a cat about 4 years ago with CH, he was perfect, I bred ferrets and owned rodents and he was super chill and would get on with every animal, also being best friends with my dog (who’s just the absolute love of my life)
Me and my boyfriend broke up and me being 18 and on £5 an hour had to give up my house to my ex as he could afford to fulfil the lease, I moved back home with my dog but my mum was allergic to cats and would not accept 23 ferrets (understandable, I had a 2 car garage to keep them in) so my ex kept the cat, the ferrets and rodents rehomed, and the dog came with me.
Over 3 weeks my ex managed to get the cat put down due to his CH, siting there was nothing they could do for him (due to him being born this way there was nothing they could do for him but this didn’t affect his quality of life)
I never forgave myself and for years since have been waiting for another CH to come along that I could help. Long story short I ended up paying over £1000 for a street cat in Dubai to be relocated, he’s very similar to my old cat in most ways, however my dog could never move back in due to a strong dislike from this cat. He lives with my mum literally 5 minutes away. As much as I love this cat he drives me INSANE and honestly half the time I wanna give him up, he’ll meow constantly, he wets my bed due to having nightmares, he once bit me in his sleep but that never bothered me, he’ll sleep on my pillow and kick me in the head (with his claws out) my bin is ON my wardrobe because when boredom kicks in he likes to destroy it, whether I’m here or not, I tell him off and he will do it again IMMEDIATELY after, I have rodents and have done since before I got him, and some days he likes to throw himself at the vivariums and will do this, again non stop, no matter whether I spray him or shout at him or move him. I feel as though I can’t give him up due to what happened to my first cat, as much tension as there is here I do love him deep down and would never ever forgive myself if I’d rehomed him and the same thing happened elsewhere, or worse, if he ended up with the same fate as my old cat. I feel so stuck
Kat, I wish I could talk to you about this, it was like it was written by me!!
Dear Kat, I really feel for you in this situation. I feel like when it comes to pets, we are too often expected to martyr ourselves for pets who are miserable to own. I think it’s acceptable in this situation to rehome your second cat. You got a second cat who was traumatized and mentally/emotionally damaged probably both in the womb and also with the terrible story of how he came to you. With humans as well as cats, if you go through that trauma very, very early in life, experts say it will always be an uphill battle, no matter how amazing your care is. Even though you agreed to take this cat in, it was out of necessity and trying to be a good person. I think it’s acceptable to say that he wasn’t a good fit for your family (this is very common in the human adoption world that adoptions fail – at least 15% in the tracked/documented adoption world, and believed to be way higher than that). I would make an ad that states all of the problems as well as all of the benefits of the cat, so that a future owner can know what they’re getting into, in the hopes that things will work out better elsewhere, and only give the cat to someone who you have a good gut feeling about. I really believe that your cat will be okay with the adjustment, if you choose to do this.
I know this is an older article but I’m losing it. I hate my cat. I love cats, I love all animals but I can’t stand my kitten. I had cats and kittens as a child and loved them, have lived with cats for most of my life, and recently lost a beloved cat due to cancer. After a few months we (my husband and I) decided to adopt another cat; the rescue we worked with had a kitten for us and we were thrilled. She was snuggly and sweet and perfect. Now she’s 9 months old and I hate her. She attacks me constantly. I can’t pet her except for certain ways, can’t pick her up (even to bring her to her food), and have no bond with her. I don’t trust her. I’ve never had a cat like this – that’s to say a cat that just genuinely didn’t care about me at all. I feel like we could leave her outside and she wouldn’t care (I of course won’t). I can’t stand her. My husband loves her and is trying to make her into a more loving animal and I’m working with him but I just don’t like her at all. I don’t even want to try anymore. I’m dreading the next 20 years with her.
Dear HelpinNYC, I have two things for you. First of all you have an adorable young cat, which means that if you want to exchange for another kitten or rehome it, you are going to be able to find somebody who is overjoyed to have this cat. You can start over, and not every cat is like that.
Secondly, when I had a kitten that tormented our other cat literally doing stuff cats do to kill their prey, we didn’t know what to do. We were worried she would get hurt or worse if we let her outside. One day, we just opened the door and let her go. She was so overjoyed, and stopped terrorizing our other cat because she wasn’t bored anymore. I think this may just be the type of cat that has to run wild outdoors in order to be happy and not terrorize you. I also pet sat a cat that would attack me any time i would leave because he wanted to go outside. Granted, the owner didnt want him to get run over, but if it were my cat, i would have just let him out. He was so miserable being cooped up. I actually bought him a cat harness and took him out myself. So I would reflect on whether or not that is something that you can realistically do in NYC, or if you need to find new ownership. Best of luck! *hugs*
I’m super late to this comment section but I’m desperate. This year I experienced some very bad depression. My mom was desperate to find ways to help besides therapy because I refused to go, so she decided to buy me a cat. She asked a pet shop near our house who had a cat that was due in a few months & talked to me about it. I’ve always been an animal lover, in fact months before this my dad & I helped take care of many strays that hung out around our apartment. So of course I was excited when she told me this. I had to wait but I was excited! I decided to reach out for help about my mental health & I slowly began to get better just in time for me to graduate high school. Well around that time the cat had her babies & I still had to wait but my mom brought it up again. This time I wasn’t as excited, I wanted the kitten but at the same time found every excuse not to get it. We waited three months & the pet shop guy called her to let her know they had a kitten, my mom spontaneously bought it & THEN called to tell me. I was excited, of course I was, it was an adorable kitten! We brought her home & I loved her so much. I never had a cat before nonetheless a kitten so I didn’t understand just how difficult it would be but I fought through bc at the time I really liked this kitten & she really made me happy. Well, fast forward 4-5 months, and I hate her. There’s no bond between us & every little thing she does annoys me. But here’s the thing unlike that first comment, she no longer makes me happy. I have a dog as well who I grew up with he’s my baby & when I first got my kitty I spent more time with her but as time went by & I realized I didn’t like her as much anymore I began to spend more time with my dog again. My bond with him will never be like the one I had/will have with my cat & I feel like a part of me resents that. I’m also 100% sure she sees how differently I treat her to my dog & just how much more I love him because she keeps biting & scratching me, she’s even gone as far as to attack me this week. She threw herself to my face twice in a row, it was the breaking point to the little bit of tolerance I had for her. A part of me loves her, bc if I didn’t I wouldn’t be so hesitant on selling/giving her away, but I am not happy with her & it’s only getting worse. I don’t know what to do.
Another case of a horrible female cat.
Re home it, dont wait. Ive been stuck with a little black and white terrorist for the last 9 years. Its a game of waiting for her to go to the kittybox in the sky now for me. But apart from her I also got a big furry fluffy ginger male cat. He has been my saviour. Hes so patient, relaxed, kind, caring and attentive. Totally a cat with dog software inside hahaha. Ive wasted soo many years of my life replacing things that the girl cat has maliciously destroyed over the years, and so much of my precious time being annoyed by that little b#×ch
Why dont i get rid of her? because im stupid and hopelessly care for both of them. I also worry that my ginger bear will be sad if i re home her.
I dont give up easily and have tried all sorts of things costly vet visits to getting suckered into anxiety medication for a cat….. Honestly I would NEVER reccomend a female cat ever to anyone again. They are just too likely to be in survival mode coupled with i dint give a rats a$$ mode ie mark destroy and ruin your stuff because i can mode.
If your girl cat is not like the little pet hell I deal with, please enjoy it and find ways to enjoy each others company, if not, save yourself the time and put it up on facebook, etc and re home it. Dont let a pet ruin your life.
I adopted a cat after years not having one. I grew up with cats, I always had cats. I’m struggling so hard with my kitten I’m helpless and I consider giving her to family. Sadly I received her sick, Cat flu, I bring her each 2 weeks to the vet to try new meds that don’t work. This is a lot of money to spend but I didn’t mind. Sadly, she refuses cuddles, will bite me whenever I’ll try to touch her, except when food is around. She is not afraid at all, she just… Doesn’t want cuddles. Okey, some cats dont like cuddles, its’ fine. But she’ll destroy cables, stratch plushies, while she often uses her own scratch thing. She’ll destroy whatever is plastic and try to eat it. She already ate a 5cm ribbon when I didn’t look for a minute. I always have to look what she does, I removed so much things but at some point I can’t remove the whole apartment furnitures. And she does all this in front of me while she knows I’ll punish her. She doesn’t care. I used to only reward, without punish, but it just didn’t work at all.
Each night since 2 months she’ll yell. She yelled at my bed the whole night while I was trying to sleep, so I had to kick her in another room, but she continues even tho I ignore her the whole night since 7 weeks now. She has toys, I play with her for 2 hours per day. I’m helpless, and for the first time in my life I hate a cat. I became sick because I can’t sleep only 3h per night for weeks. I tried everything, I don’t feed her the morning, she has still food when I wake up, she’ll just yell. And run on the room to do some mess. I did all the advices, it doesn’t work. I keep her only because I would never abandon a cat but I’m trying to find a new home for her. I only wished to keep her and to have good moments with her. I don’t want to be kicked from my apartment because she yells the whole night. No matter how hard I ignore her, no matter if she has food and toys.
Save your energy and rehome her. If not then am animal shelter and i know this sounds heartless, but last resort is have it put down. An animal should not be impacting your quality of life to the point where your only getting a few hours sleep.
Move on and enjoy the pet free life.
Needy AF. Yowling at my door when I go into my room (even just to quickly put something away), seeing me going to sit down and sprinting full speed to intercept so I must move him out of the way to sit, knocking things over and making noise to get my attention, staring intently…very very intently, watching me giving my non needy cats attention and pushing himself between them and me, and the most awesome yet is he just started the constant meowing…mimicking this annoying behavior of another cat I love and adore but was unable to break him of. I yell at him, throw him outside, and actively ignore him until it stops, but it only stops for a short time. As soon as I start paying attention to him again, he goes right back to annoying the crap out of me. I just want him gone but no one seems to want an almost toothless, geriatric cat.
I meant to post my own comment but wasn’t sure how so it is a reply.
I think my cat was part of a litter of a feral cat. I took her in at a week old and have had her ever since (about 2 years). She was also bottle fed and didn’t have a mom which is the root of her issues. AND SHES EVIL. She’s currently cuddling me in a ball and that’s what makes me weak. But she’s territorial when I have people over and will growl and hiss, dart across the room like she’s possessed. She attacks me when people aren’t there as well. I try to manage her weight but if I don’t give her food when she wants it, she will attack me. And of course I can’t fight back because it would only further her aggression. And she doesn’t hide when scared—she fights. She attacks what she is afraid of. She knocks things over for fun which I’m pretty sure she does to get a reaction out of me. And it’s hard not to react when it’s full glasses of water. I know she has anxiety because she has a problem chewing plastic. She will chew on plastic bags, wrappers, and containers. I know I can’t get rid of her because when I have taken her anywhere she acts feral and who wants that. She only trusts me even in my own home. I am keeping her but man does she make me angry. I joke with people that I hate her but when she’s sweet I still love her. But she’s mean. I’m just grateful she doesn’t pee on my clothes like I’ve heard some cats do. I would let her outside if I could but I live in an apartment next to a busy road and a meadow that occupies coyotes at night.
I have a weird problem: I resent my cat because of cat people. Cat people are always saying cats are smarter than dogs because they don’t listen to people, and that people just can’t read them, blah blah. My cat just has no idea what’s going on 90% of the time. She can learn and follow commands like a dog, but it takes her longer to understand what we want, far longer than any other cat I’ve lived with, and she has no idea what we’re saying. She’s not deaf or blind, just clueless. I can say, “Find the blue ball, take it to Dad, put it in his hand” to the dog, and he understands. My food-obsessed cat does not even understand the words “dinner time!” and obliviously goes about her business even when I say those words every time I prepare her food – she only gets excited when she actually sees the food or hears the sound of me making it. I see people treat dogs like they’re stupid and disrespect dogs’ boundaries because they feel entitled to, whereas they praise cats for swatting them and say it’s “enforcing their boundaries.” It makes me so angry that people mistreat dogs and call them dumb and say things like, “Oh, don’t pick up cats if they don’t like it!” but then insist on hugging stressed dogs, and say, “Cats train people, people train dogs,” while never even trying to train their cats.
In fact, I volunteered at the shelter with a woman who was great with cats, but abusive to dogs. She put prong collars and shock collars on them for “disobeying” her, but was always nice to cats, not matter how much they attacked her. I hate this. It makes me almost resent my cat that some cat people are so horrid to dogs. To be clear, I’m glad this wretched woman was nice to cats, but I’m infuriated she saw dogs as inferior and hurt them because of that! I don’t know why or what to do about that.
A lot of these comments you make, like, “Imagine the attacking cat is a misunderstood kiddo,” I just wish people would do with dogs, too. Instead, they hurt the dogs or kill them. It makes me resentful toward cats that they get treated so well while dogs get beaten, shocked, dominated, and treated horribly.
I don’t treat my cat any differently because of this, but it makes me feel rotten. No one tells people to do stupid abusive things like “be the alpha” to their cat, but dogs suffer this all the time. Worse, people let feral and outdoor cats run wild, spreading disease and killing wildlife en masse, where they would never let cats do this. I find cat feces in my yard ALL the time, but if I tell the owners, they just laugh. I could get a dog owner fined for this. Meanwhile, the cats kill baby birds, ruin my garden, breed like rabbits, and no one cares, or they do useless feelgood things like TNR. Can you imagine someone letting a feral dog back into the neighborhood to kill animals?! It wouldn’t happen. Why is it okay with cats?!
Omg, HELP! I have grown to resent my 6 year old cat Peanut Butter, and I constantly think about rehoming him. I rescued him at 3 weeks from a feral situation wherein his littermates had died. He has been food obsessed since then. I used to free feed him, he never over ate. In 2018 I found a friend deceased, and his family abandoned his 8 year old cat Popcorn. I couldn’t just leave him, I went back every day til I caught him. He went for nearly 2 weeks without food, was an emaciated skeleton. He was in the house with my friend when and after he passed. Unbeknownst to me, after letting him stay in my bathroom so he could get used to us, he started wolfing down his food, and his weight blew up to 20 pounds before I realized he was scarfing down his food, then going over and eating the rest of Peanut Butter’s food. I now have to feed them separately, twice a day, timed meals. Poppy has happily lost about 4 pounds.
Unfortunately this timed feeding schedule has left Peanut Butter CONSTANTLY BEGGING for food, even if there is still kibble in his bowl. I moved the bowls out of the kitchen because every time I would move or stand up, he would leap and jet straight to his food bowl, sometimes tripping me. Now his bowl is in my bedroom, and if I so much as look that way, he’s literally RUNNING to his bowl. He constantly harasses me, I can even decipher a particular sound that is asking for food specifically. I have a rabbit, he was raised around them. When I am asleep, PB will steal her hay, eat it, and throws it all up on my only white rug. He literally takes the hay from her bowl by reaching into her enclosure and grabbing it with his paw. I step on vomit every freaking morning.
This is wearing meowt, but the major problem I’m having is the constant staring. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I can be cleaning, sleeping, watching tv, using the toilet, it doesn’t matter, he’s staring at me and through me. I have PTSD, and constantly being stared at over several years is wearing on me big time. I have been unemployed due to covid, the staring sessions have only increased. It starts from the minute I get up in the morning, til I go to bed at night. He has toys, a fancy cat tree that he will not allow Popcorn to use, a giant scratching post, his own litter box, etc. He will not leave me alone ever. I live in a small house, but if I leave his sight, he is right behind me, often startling me. I have had to close my bedroom door just to get some time alone. I have been wishing to rehome him for more than a year now. Popcorn has his own PTSD, he freaks out over loud noises, cars passing my house, thunder, visitors. He runs and panicks and hides under my bed. Just me opening a plastic bag makes him panic and hide. I can deal with that. He’s older, so he doesn’t do much more than sleep. However, he has learned from Peanut Butter, and will sit directly in front of me, staring me down! He stops when I tell him to, though. Himb’s a sensitive good boi.
Peanut Butter is driving me up the wall, and I fully resent him now. Idk what to do. I’m at my wits end. Today I placed a hamper in the middle of my living room to block the staring eyes. This is making me so uncomfortable in my own home. I know it is his home, too, but I’m getting to where I can’t stand him. The cat tree is perfectly positioned for him to stare at me all freaking day and night. BIG SIGH. I am miserable, and so sick of this cat! I used to love him so much, now he just creeps meowt and annoys me to death!
Just get a surefeed. Then they can’t rat each other’s food
I have a 6 month old cat who is smart about what she wants and that’s FOOD!!! Constantly!! I can’t be in the kitchen without her there begging. When I’m not in the kitchen she knocks over the trash can and eats things that can kill her so I have to keep hiding the trash can. I find chicken bones under my bed and I actually found a roach. I think her food stashing is bringing them. She tries to open the toaster oven to lick bacon grease and she will steal the food right from the plates. She’s got a very permanent FULL belly and if we open the fridge she tries to jump in there.
I have another cat, 1 year old. She’s very calm and eats VERY slowly and she usually has her food stolen from the other one. She will even come up to her and growl and fight her off to take it away from her after inhaling her own food in less than 15 seconds for the whole meal. I’m so tired of having to wash every dish as soon as it’s used and clean the counter after everything little thing every little while and cleaning the stove anytime someone uses it and wiping the sink out constantly and making sure to put the trash can out after every use.
I’m becoming unhappy having to deal with this cat. I want my life back before this annoying cat. I can’t deal with this problem and I have like -74738$ for a vet visit.
We found an 8 week old kitten along a wooded trail. She was a dilute tortie and meowing her tail off. We thought it was because she was hungry, lonely and scared. She probably was. Wonder how she got to where she was since there were no houses around. We spent quite a bit of time trying to catch and save her. So we did. That was 11 years ago. Fast forward, this cat has been the most miserable cat I’ve ever owned. She hates everyone and everything. We had three other cats when we got her so it’s not like she’s ever been a single-only cat. She’s always had to share the home. This cat basically hides 24/7/365. She has a very large home in which she can have her own space, but she won’t come out from under the bed except to eat, drink and poop. We’ve put her on anxiety meds as she’s started peeing on my bedroom rug. And now she’s starting pooping. You can’t touch this cat. She’s been like that since day one. You can’t pick her up. She hates playing. She lives in a constant state of being pissed off. If you try to pet her she’ll bite you. I am over caring for this cat. I have no issue putting her down, if I can find a vet to do it. This cat is no re-homable. Nobody would want her. I’d love to just throw her out the door, but won’t leave. She scratched to come back in because she hates the outside. So I ask myself, what abut this cat’s behavior do I hate? I hate that she’s never been friendly to man or beast, she isn’t playful, she pees and poops where ever, she bites, and she won’t stand up to herself so the other cats have taken to bullying her, which exacerbates her issues. She’s meows all the freaking time and it’s a miserable whine, not a little meow that asks for dinner or whatever. If this cat lives in our house for another 48 hours I will be surprised.
My cat will be 10 years old this summer. I got her from a rescue centre when she was about 3 months old. For a huge amount of this time, I have to deal with the daily lottery of will she or won’t she eat her food too quickly and throw it up.
I’m so sick of it. I’ve never know a cat to be like this. The vet says there’s nothing wrong with her… she just wolfs far too much food down and then barfs it up… usually somewhere I really don’t want her to… I can just about handle cleaning it up off the wooden floor or one of the rugs, but I really resent having to clean it off the sofa of off of my bedding.
The only way I’ve found of minimising the chances of it happening is to chase her out of the kitchen and force her to leave her food to settle for anything up to half an hour before opening the kitchen door again.
Sadly, even this doesn’t always work.
The more she does this, the more I’ve grown to hate the sight of her.
I feel awful and I know it would break my heart if she wasn’t here.
I don’t know what to do about this.
All of my male cats eat way too quickly, so I get how frustrating this is, but I promise it’s not as bad as you think since there are fixes.
Essentially, there are tricks to getting her to eat slower that don’t involve stress on your part, check out this article of mine: https://kittyclysm.com/cat-eats-too-fast/
Hi Rakeem, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I bought a special dish that prevented my cat from eating too fast and it helped. I don’t recall which one I got but I believe it was called a slow feeder bowl. Good luck. Laura
i know this article is quite older.. but i happened to find it, and i’d like to speak my mind. i think this article’s very well written, however, if get lucky, i’d appreciate an opinion on my feelings about my cat.
here’s the thing: i didn’t do much research about cats, i just thought they were fluffy and adorable, with the occasional stupid behavior, like my dog of whom i’ve dealt with for years now. i didn’t think dog communication and cat vocals could be so different. but recently, just with ONE cat in my possession, and 2-3 months of having him, i’ve gone slightly mad, but i love him to bits.
every day i wake up at 6. god knows why he’s up so early, i’m a deep sleeper especially on weekends so there’s no waking me up then, but he’s begging to leave my room every morning.
and here’s another thing: i’m unemployed, i’m quite young and it would be considered child labor if i tried to find a job, or i’d need to scrounge for a workers permit to get the proper money, and i’m not homeless or in dire need of one because my family is stable when it comes to money. point being: i have to pay for his expensive food, because my parents said it was another responsibility i had to face with having him, and they really didn’t want to pay for it all the time.
when i didn’t pay for a single thing, he was driving me mad enough..! my cat, mochi, is sweet when he wants to be, is very curious, and isn’t THAT affectionate really. he darts out the house when i leave the door cracked for a second, and stays in the bushes. he’s a kitten, but thank god he’s trained. it takes forever to get the stench of kitty litter out my room. it starts to smell, and i truly don’t feel like cleaning it every month/two weeks or so.
his personality isn’t even a seller. he’s very aloof. i wish he was more affectionate and would stop scratching and biting when i pick him up sometimes. there’s a woman that comes every week and he’s quite nice then, so that saves the embarrassment for when guests come over, at least.
luckily i nailed a few babysitting jobs and grade paychecks, but what happens after that? i have to wait 7 months or so to properly apply for a job.
i don’t believe one kitty should cause so much financial issue for me.. it hasn’t even been a whole year, and i feel stressed about this whole situation.. the last thing my parents want is for me to change my mind about this cat. i even considered maybe this was a spur of the moment, but i’ve been thinking about this since last week, and i don’t really have anyone to explain this to without being called a two-timer by cat lovers. cats personalities certainly differ from a doggie’s. i’m so used to obedience no matter what, but mochi is like his own person sometimes.
I have an older kitten that is driving me insane. She’s spayed and almost a year old. Because of covid, we are home every day and play with her a lot. The problem is, it’s NEVER enough. Once we stop playing she will start attacking your feet. I’ve had cats my whole life and none with this level of energy before. She keeps me up when I’m trying to sleep and wakes me up attacking my feet in the morning. I’m exhausted. I’m in my forties and I honestly don’t think I can wait until she outgrows this.
We thought we were doing a nice thing because we got her from this guy who found her outside. But she is clearly still too wild and he seemed in a hurry to get rid of her and now I know why.
She has two cat trees and TONS of toys! I’ve watched my cat from hell and none of that advice is helping.
I have a cat that I took in from a family getting evicted 2 months ago. I always wanted a CAT but this one isnt really a cat. She’s extremely skittish and terrified of everything all the time. She has dog behaviors because she was raised mostly by one. Shes not curious, not affectionate, and constantly anxious. I dont know what to do but I know I’d rather have another cat. She’s well behaved and is possibly 5 years old. I wanted a cat. Not this one. An actual cat. I want to send her to the shelter and pick another cat with a cat personality.
Hi Louis, if you have the patience and think she has had a bad start this is her forever home she will feed off of that and feel safe it takes a couple of years but if you are gentle and loving you will have a calm super loving cat.
I appreciated this post and the opportunity to see that other people really just don’t like their cats. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that I never thought I’d have.
11 months ago I found three newborns in a parking lot. I hand fed them around the clock and kept them in a soft kitty carrier so they could sleep with me at night ( my husband on the couch). The intention was to rehome them around 12 weeks. I KNEW our house wasn’t big enough, and that I wouldn’t have the patience for three kittens all at one time. However, my husband over-ruled me along with my son who begged to keep them. When I put up a bit of an argument around week 16, my husband actually suggested that he would have to leave if they did (the closest things he has to biological children I guess).
Fast-forward a year..
I feel like nothing is mine anymore. They knock everything off of everything, break what few personal valuables I own, and I cannot keep them off of the tables or countertops, which I find disgusting. I finally purchased two floor-to-ceiling cat towers thinking they wanted up high…well they love it, just not more than the things I don’t want them on. They have cozy nooks for hiding, and a crate they regularly nap in. I just don’t get the countertops. Nothing is up there. I thought they wanted the water from the faucet, so I bought them a water fountain. Again, they love it, but not enough to stay off the counters. I finally resorted to punishment with water spray bottle, tried double sided tape, and swatting them off of the counter. They will get down now, but only after I yell. Same for the kitchen table..which they’ve ruined with their claws (from jumping).
My prayer is that it is just their age and the fact that we have three. I’ve had kittens before and never had this much trouble. They destroy something every. single. day. It’s awful feeling so much resentment toward little creatures that never asked to be born or dumped in a parking lot. Also, I’m pretty sure I love them ( or at least like them a lot) part of the time. So, maybe I don’t hate them…just dislike with a passion.
Theres a 90percent chance nothings going to change. Start letting them outside, sure its risky, but its also valuable for them to go out. You never know maybe they might disappear.
I have two indoor cats, two boys who came to us as adults from a family who had a baby who was allergic. Trouble started from the beginning, where it turns out that I’m allergic too! But we kept them because I am able to manage the allergies by not letting them in my room and washing my hands after petting them. One cat is a saint, quiet, and polite. The other is… Sorry to say, not a very bright being. The biggest issue I’m having is that he eats things he’s not supposed to, like plastic, styrofoam, anything that’s NOT DIGESTIBLE will be the first thing he eats, then he retches and vomits everywhere. He even gnaws on his food bag when he can’t find anything else because we’ve hidden it! We’ve been trying to train him, going so far as to use the spray bottle when he noses non-digestibles. However there’s no stopping him. I don’t want to, but we may have to give him up to the shelter because I don’t know what to do!
Sad to say, your second cat is not being stupid, he has a medical disorder called “pica.” My brother’s cat, who he loves to bits, also has this, and will sometimes revert to eating random objects these days, although not even close to how often he was before.
Take a visit to the vet, let them know about the pica. Sometimes anxiety meds help. Other times, more frequent meals so the cat doesn’t feel hunger helps (if you can’t do it yourself, I recommend this feeder that I bought about a year ago, it’s so good, and temper-proof). If there are particular objects he seems to obsess over snacking over, remove them as much as possible.
The pica stands a chance of getting substantially better like in my brother’s case (he has an article up on the topic here). In my brother’s cat’s case it only resurfaces when the cat is really stressed, which is rare.
Good luck!
I don’t really hate him because I love him to bits but he is a pest. He whines or paws and scratches at something to make noise or even my legs but not in bad way, and tries to knock things over on purpose all the time looking at me to see if he got my attention. He doesn’t leave me alone and this is taking up my energy and driving me crazy. I want to throw something at him to stop. Eventually he does and I find him lying on my bed looking sad but quiet. I think he wants canned cat food but I give that only occasionally. I had a few cats in the past so cats are not something new to me. Plus I have another one who doesn’t make problems for me.
So my cat does scratch me, ruin my new clothes, and he destroys my earbuds. There is no way i can stop him by doing that. I honestly think im just frustrated he keeps ruining my things. I wish that he at least would not do these things.
I hate my husband’s cat. He is a handsome white and orange longhair tabby, and that is the only good thing about him. His fur flies through the air and is nearly impossible to clean. Even after shaving him, his fur is only mildly better. He lays on my side of the bed and I regularly lint roll it before I get in or else I’ll wake up with his fur in my eyes, mouth and stuck on my face. If I close the door to keep him out, he’ll just pat at it endlessly. He also pees on the carpet. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on various carpet cleaners and a carpet cleaning machine and scrubbing on my hands and knees. Nothing works to get the smell out and he keeps returning to his spots. We’ve gotten him checked out at the vet and they can’t find anything wrong and say it’s a behavioral issue. What I don’t understand is how my husband has had this cat for 11 years before I came along and allowed him to continue peeing on the carpet and having a house that makes it difficult to breathe because of the massive amounts of lightweight fur that sticks to everything and flies through the air. The cat even has asthma because of his own fur! I’m pregnant and maybe it’s the hormones, but I HATE this cat! We have another cat whom I adore. His fur is thick, but it’s not a big deal because his doesn’t pose a health hazard, and he actually pees in the litter box. I’ve also had other cats as well who were my babies, but this one…. I want him gone. My husband refuses to get rid of him and he also ignores the apparent issues (peeing, fur). The cat hadn’t even been to the vet in years until I came along, noticed he had trouble breathing and scheduled AND paid for his vet appointment. I’ve spent tons of money taking care of his cat trying to make this work and nothing is working. I’m pregnant and it’s to the point now where it’s me and the baby or that horrible cat. I will not have my baby crawling through pee or developing breathing issues because of the uncontrollable fur.
My husband says the only way he’d rehome the cat is if it is a family member who takes it so he can visit the cat on occasion. Who on earth is going to want a cat with this horrible fur that even grooming doesn’t help and that won’t quit peeing on the carpet?! My mother-in-law loves this cat and was willing to take him, but she too can’t deal with these issues either.
I don’t think anyone understands how much I hate this cat because they brush it off as if I’m just annoyed. He’s a handsome boy, but beyond that he is horrible. What irritates me even more is how my husband just ignored these problems for so long. This is YOUR cat whom you love so much, if you refuse to get rid of him, then do something about his issues. I blame you for letting it go on for so long. You can’t ignore problems. They don’t go away—they just get worse. And now, you have to make a choice between your baby and your cat.
Thanks for having a place to be able to vent about this, I’ve been looking all over online and haven’t found anything else quite similar to what I’m feeling.
Backstory: My boyfriend and I were on a road trip when he wanted to stop at his old childhood home to show it to me. When we got there we found his old cat that he had as a kid that his mom unfortunately made him leave when they moved. The cat was still alive and was obviously pregnant. My boyfriend of course wanted to take her home. I couldn’t tell him no because it was his old cat that had been living there all these years, that’s a crazy thing to happen and my boyfriend would have hated me for not letting him take her. I have never been a cat person, but had my first good experience with two cats my family adopted when I was in high school. I fell in love with these cats but they were technically my parents, and when I graduated high school and moved out to college, my parents rehomed them because I was the one who took care of them and my parents do foster care and had so many other things going on with the children in the home. Anyways, I was devastated with losing these cats and vowed I never wanted anymore. Fast forward a couple years and this is when we found my boyfriends pregnant cat. We took her in and a month later she had 7 kittens, and we rehomed all but one. I wanted to rehome all the kittens, but my boyfriend wanted to keep at least one of her kittens. So now we have Izzy, the mom cat, and Aiko the kitten. Even though it wasn’t my choice, I became the sole caretaker of these cats and have to take care of all the problems that came with them.
First, Izzy was extremely overweight after having the kittens and the vet was telling me that I had to feed her portioned meals to get her weight down. Izzy did not like this and now she cries all the time for food. She will follow you around and cry all day for more food, even minutes after you just fed her. And if you try to pick her up to pet her while she’s crying, she will run away from you and come back in 2 minutes and start crying again. I have to do the feedings because my boyfriend works all day. I have EXTREME anxiety that I’ve been dealing with since middle school, and one of my biggest triggers is hearing the cats obsessively meowing. It gets under my skin like nothing else. Izzy meows all day so all day I am dreading going home. I dread walking out of my room to go to the kitchen. Even if you are on the couch and move a half of an inch, Izzy is meowing over and over and over again. Guests think it’s cute, but this makes my anxiety so high that I can’t do anything else. Izzy will also get into any and everything looking for food, she will rip open bags and knock things over. She doesn’t want to play or be petted or anything, just more food. And I would just keep her bowl filled, but the vet then makes me feel terrible because she gets overweight and says she’s not healthy. And then everyone who comes over says “jeez your cat is so fat”. Then there’s Aiko, the kitten. She was great for awhile, but then she learned all her moms tricks. Aiko will scream and meow as if she is in pain if she doesn’t get what she wants. If a door is closed that she wants open, or if you are trying to do laundry, she will cry out as loud as she can because she doesn’t like the sound of the washer. We’ve had her since she was born so we know nothing traumatic has ever happened to her. She just like to cry cuz she thinks it will get her what she wants even though i just try to ignore it. They both just love ripping up the couch that they know they aren’t supposed to be on, and even find other people to beg from, like my roommate, because they think they will get food.
It doesn’t sound that bad, but I can’t even explain to people how terrible this is for my anxiety. And I have no idea why it’s a trigger, it just is. It makes me scared to go home because I don’t even want to be anywhere near them. And when it becomes feeding time (or even 5 hours before feeding time since Izzy will meow all day when someone moves anywhere in the house) I sometimes actually cry because of the overwhelming feeling I get when I have to feed them. They are just so demanding. This is killing me. Rehoming is not an option because they are technically my boyfriends and he wants them. But I am about to rehome myself haha.
I can relate to this! One of my cats meows like he’s dying if he knows you’re in your room and not out in the main area to pet him. I would honestly say that if it’s making your anxiety that bad to have heart to heart with your boyfriend and see if you can find a home for the cats. It’s not fair that all the care goes to you when you’re obviously suffering. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
There are sooo many replies god grief, apparently this is a big problem! Anyway mine is somewhere between 4 and 5 months old and she is driving me absolutely batsh*t crazy and try as I might I keep losing my temper and probably making it worse. I love cats, I’ve had a cat pretty much my whole life but they were all porch cats. I’ve also spent a good deal of my childhood helping with fostering cats and rescue care, I like to think I am pretty versed on what makes the little fluffers tick. But this one THIS ONE has been doing things I really don’t understand and what seems to be in my eyes, deliberately disrespectful. She has been leaving little poop nuggets scattered in the main walking areas, (fresh ones not ones dragged out of the litter) she gets a hardcore case of zoomies and destroys the apartment regularly regardless of how much I play with her which is a lot cause I’m a homemaker. She jumps off the headboard and onto my head while I’m trying to sleep, she goes into the other room and screams because I’m not in there, she keeps clawing up a very expensive camero bucket seat we have in our living room even though I have got her a scratch pad sprayed down with catnip oil, and just a couple minutes ago she shredded our brand new shower curtain. I already have issues controlling my anger but this has been pushing me to the very edge of my restraint and I don’t know what to do because I really do care and love my cat but as she’s growing up she’s becoming the biggest a**hole of a cat I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting. I don’t want to give her away. 🙁
Please help!
After reading some of these comments, I feel a bit better knowing that I’m not alone.
Ironically, I was the one who adopted both of our cats. Our first cat (a tuxedo male) we had for a year. Great cat – a bit skittish, but lovable and definitely food motivated. He has always been great besides some minor scratching issues (we lost a chair), but that was resolved with a new sisal post and cat jungle gym.
A year later, I decided he needed a companion. The new cat, a young female kitten, is a… well… terror about 80% of the time. She’s rambunctious. She jumps on counters, flies all over the house (damaging furniture with her claws in the process), and literally bounces off the walls. She’ll wake me up all through the night and terrorizes the other cat a lot of the time. It just seems like she needs more stimulation (we are gone 9-5 at work). We live in a high-rise apartment that’s less than 1000 sq ft, so it’s very hard to escape the noise and sounds of her “spunk” as my wife calls it.
About 20% of the time, she is the kindest, most lovable animal you’ll meet. She snuggles and will climb as high on you as she can to be close to you. That part of the cat makes me feel awful for being so incredibly angry about the rest of her behavior. I feel constantly on edge with her around now. I’ve ordered some puzzle toys and other things to help stimulate her, so I’ll see if that helps.
The worst part is that in some ways her behavior seems deliberate. She’ll look at me while she’s doing something she’s been scolded for and then bolt away. It’s gotten so infuriating that I’ve even thought about trying to rehome her. My wife, however, is totally against this. That’s my other struggle – the things she does don’t seem to bother my wife. She is a sound sleeper (I am easily woken) and doesn’t mind a few scratches or a mess. I’m the opposite. She tells me to get over it – we chose to adopt her. I know that’s true in a way, but anger combined with guilt are a powerfully depressing combination.
I hate saying this, but I regret adopting the second cat. I wish we’d never done it. I’m going to keep trying to resolve these issues, but I can’t feel anything but depressed at the moment.
Do you have any more suggestions to help? I appreciate it.
Besides doing your best to get her toys she can play with on her own, so she can entertain herself most times and not take her hyperactivity out on you, and having a really high-energy play session with her right before bed so she’s tuckered out (crossing fingers) when you hit the sack, based on personal experience, female cats seem to me one heck of a lot more playful than males. Also, they seem to level out a lot later – only getting more calm when they hit around a year and a half to two years of age.
Again, this is my opinion and I don’t have a lot of experience, but my feisty little female kitten is nowhere near calming down either, and I get maybe 5% to 10% affection and niceness if I’m lucky. She still doesn’t let me snuggle her and is rarely ever happy enough for me to stroke her for more than a few seconds before the teeth come out as a warning.
I do think Cleo’s behaviour will level out and she’ll become a lot more calm. If you knew her mom you’d be shocked at the fact that she isn’t already a snuggle bug, so I’m hoping that once she’s spayed (definitely something you should do) and once she’s around a year older, she’ll be fine. Luckily for me, though, she doesn’t take her hyperactivity out on me since one of my boys, Bjorn, adores playing with her and they’ll spend all day tussling about together. For a long time I felt like I wasn’t close to her but that I would keep her for his sake, and now her quirky-cute behvaviours have grown on me to the point where I quite like her, albeit her lack of interest in being loved by me.
Sometimes she’ll come ask for cuddles when she’s on heat, and I really hope this continues after she’s spayed, maybe even increase over time as she ages, as my bother’s female kitten got way more friendly after a year or two living with them. She’s just as cuddly as his male now (he’s got a pet blog over here btw if you want to ask him any questions!). Crossing fingers that happens with Cleo, but sadly, you never really know. Can only hope. Oh and try to train them to be more snuggly with these tips as often as you can. I found those really helpful.
So sorry about the situation, though it might actually get better!
Dog lover here. Don’t hate cats. Just not very partial to them. My wife and I were living in an apartment that didn’t allow dogs but did allow cats (even though the landlord was my father in law but that’s a whole other bag of nonsense). Wife suggested we get a cat b/c she likes cats and, hey, we can’t get a dog anyway right? So fine. We get the cat (Jeffrey). He’s actually a very good cat when compared to the general population of these creatures. He doesn’t really scratch anything, doesn’t bite, doesn’t hiss, and is generally friendly. We get along fine for the most part.
But he does attempt to eat every stray piece of plastic he can find (or tin foil or even paper sometimes). He also pukes every day at least once sometimes twice or three times in a day. It only started after our son was born and become mobile. Our son doesn’t really bother our cat exceptions being loud sudden noises that cause Jeffrey to get startled. We switched cat foods but he’s extremely particular and will only eat a specific, expensive, organic food. Dry foods he yacks up in a way that seems like he doesn’t even chew or digest his food. We’ve taken him to a few vets one of which suggested reflux was root cause and gave some kitty-strength pepcid which worked for a while. Had blood tests done and there’s nothing wrong there. He’s completely fine (no fever or pain or depression) so we’ve ruled out sickness and it’s very unlikely that he has anything in his stomach for the last 4 years with no other symptoms.
People suggest we get x-rays to prove it but, frankly, I’m not willing to spend that kind of money because if there IS something there, then what do we do? Dig further (after the xrays) into our kid’s college fund to pay for some surgery? A surgery that there is no guarantee we won’t need again and again and again (from Jeffrey continuing to eat plastic / foil)? Rubbish. I personally find people who think this is a proper solution to be either completely separated from the financial reality of most human beings, soap-box-braying self-important ignoramuses, or just dim witted morons. Sorry, my family doesn’t pull down that kind of cash and I’m not willing to put us into debt for an animal that can’t seem to stop eating obviously inedible things. Furthermore, we don’t really have time to train a cat.
My question is why these soap-box-braying, self-important, self-righteous cat people aren’t willing to take in a perfectly good cat when the current family can’t support it any more. They love to stand on their soap boxes and declare how evil it is that we peasants aren’t willing to pay an arm and a leg to find out if a house cat has been consuming polyethylene and getting it stuck in his stomach. Yet the moment we suggest “Hey if you’re so concerned and clearly have disposable cash, why don’t you take him?” it suddenly becomes “Oh no you can’t take him out of his ‘forever home’, that’s cruel!” which is oh so extremely convenient. Whatever. I guess he’ll keep puking and we’ll keep hating. Ta ta cat people.
I gotta say: you’re really damn angry at everybody. I’m sorry your earnings aren’t as high as you wished they are. If your cat doesn’t seem to have any issues I suppose he is fine. But you really shouldn’t have gotten a cat if you didn’t have the time to train it. Regardless how you feel about him/her; the animal is YOUR responsibility (because cats can totally understand what is a danger to them) and it has physical and emotional feelings. Please don’t be so bitter. You said he’s always throwing up (which really isn’t good for him). If I were to guess your cat is probably reacting poorly to the starch and carbohydrates in its food. Some cats are even allergic to it. If you cannot provide for the food it needs you should perhaps re-home the cat.
So a few months ago I came across a stray cat, it was in my yard and suuuuper friendly, but looked like a skeleton and had back deformation. My sister started feeding it (at the time I did not live at this home but now I do) and it stayed. Not long after I moved in and it became my cat. It is still an outside cat btw. Well at first I found it super sweet and cute and didn’t mind having it around but just recently we found out that it is actually a girl not a boy. Ever since then I have had an overwhelming hatred for the cat, I have never felt this way toward a living thing before. I have never been an animal person and honestly I am still not. This cat is super friendly and well behaved. It is a lap cat. Why do I hate her so much? What should I do? I don’t want her around any more but my sister and dad say that I’m a monster because of it. It’s making me miserable. Also bc of the quarantine I can’t get her fixed, and my sister started feeding a male stray. If she has kittens I’m going to abandon her so I’m looking for a solution now. Help
I hate my cat because I’m afraid of her. She is a complete bully. She attacks, bites, and scratches me and my husband completely unprovoked. We have tried playing with her, every type of toy imaginable, exercise, leaving her alone, telling her no and ignoring her, changing foods, and countless other things people suggested. She will come to you purring and rubbing in your hands but the minute she’s done or you try to pet her she attacks. I’ve had her since she was a few weeks old and now shes close to a year and the aggression and severity are just getting worse. I’m afraid to rehome her because shed just do it to the next family. I genuinely have no idea what to do.
Why don’t you just drive somewhere very far & drop the cat off & just drive away from your problems? Or put it in a cage & leave it outside a vet or cat shelter?
Really?? You would suggest abandoning an invasive species to kill wildlife? That’s a horrible idea. Cats are pests. They don’t belong outdoors.
This is my cat. She is vicious. She was 7 years old when we adopted her and have had her for just over 6 months now. She will bite you unprovoked and draw blood. If she is sitting next to you on the couch and she decides your hands are too close watch out! You don’t even have to be touching her. She has the sharpest teeth and claws of any cat I have ever had. If you pet her anywhere but her head and back she will swat you. She will also sit in your lap and purr until you pet her in a way she does not like. I am at a loss for what to do. We have learned not to pet her in ways she does not like but the unprovoked biting is bad. I feel terrible feeling this way, I am a cat lover who has had cats my entire life. I also am concerned about rehoming her because she will just do the same to the next family but at 7 years old I don’t know that anyone would take her anyway. Now she is developing some health issues that may or may not be a problem but it’s a nightmare to try to get her in her cat carrier to take her to the vet. It is also hard to want to spend a good sum of money to care for a cat that bites and scratches you on the regular. Her personality is not her fault but I just can’t imagine living with this cat for the next several years.
Do you engage in lots of play using your hands as the “toy”? Young cats that are used to hand play can be more aggressive with hands, even when they are just being petted. The cats have developed an association that says, “Hey, hands are for playing, look there’s a hand”..so they can become unexpectedly aggressive.
This may not be the case, but I just thought I’d drop a line! Kitty personalities can change drastically over time. With age, she might mellow out.
Glad to read someone with the same problem. Rescued two cats one a bit thick but very affectionate. The other she can be rubbing all over you wanting attention you tickle her gently and the next second ears back and she’s looking at you like you are her worst enemy. She hisses bites scratches you throw her off because it is really frightening. I don’t trust her an inch but they came as a pair so reluctant to break them up. I have never had an animal I can’t stand.
I am so grateful to have found this thread and article. Thank you so much for being non judgemental. I have been having a really hard time even admitting my hatred for my boyfriends cat because I have always been an animal lover and used to volunteer at a cat shelter and have never in my life hated an animal. But this cat I hate so much. We have 2 cats one was mine and the other was his that he got with his ex. I have hated his cat ever since I first met her and I think it probably stems from issues we have had with his ex but I have no idea what to do about how I feel. The cat is only 6 years old so I know we will have her for many more years but even just looking at her fills me with so much rage and hate and I want her to just die. I feel so bad feeling this way because I know how upset I would be if it was reversed and my boyfriend hated my cat. I don’t know what to do. I feel bad for the cat because she has literally done nothing but try to love me and I always push her away
I don’t like my cat’s personality. If he’s doesn’t get the attention he wants when he wants it he will either attack our other cat or eat her food. Even if he does get attention he will do these things because he enjoys being naughty. If you catch him he will stop and start cleaning himself as if to say “oh I wasn’t doing anything just cleaning myself”. I can’t stand living with him anymore.
I spray my youngest kitten with a water bottle (which works with one of my cats) and tell her no. She insists on digging through our trash all day and night. We put the kitchen trash can in the cabinet, but the trash can in our bedroom is constantly rustling. It feels like I’m about to lose my sh!t. I have never been so annoyed with an animal. I taught her to stop eating off our plates by rewarding her with treats for staying away from us while we’re eating. I dont know how to reward her for staying out of the trash. I hate that we have to put her in a cage when she eats, because if not she will eat all the other cats food and they just leave their plates. She eats PLENTY for her size. I’m losing my mind. Help me.
I had a vet tell me once to spread dry food out on a baking sheet. Putting space between all of the kibble makes the cat take longer to eat. Of course, my cat was eating to fast he threw up, but I think it would accomplish the same thing. Maybe if your cat eats more slowly, she will feel fuller and not run to the other kitty dishes (as much).
My cat does the exact same thing. I can’t stand it. She’ll knock over the trash can and get salmon juice and blood into my carpet and bacon grease everywhere and the beds too. She steals the food from the other cat and I have to constantly watch to make sure the other cat actually gets to eat that day.
I’m suffering having this cat. She growls viciously from under the bed because she’s stolen a chicken bone and is eating it under the bed. I have to physically grab a hanger to get the bone or move her away from it so that I can get it from her. I dont like this cat.
My 2 boys used to be best buds. Got them around the same time several years ago. They were both under a year at the time, now they’re 5 or so. About a year ago we’ve been living with constant random fights. My gray cat is very loving and always looking for attention. Now he is forced to hide away in one bedroom he feels safe in because the other cat randomly attacks him. There are times they are still curled up together and affectionate, but because the orange beast will randomly go crazy, my gray cat feels safer staying out of site. It makes me hate the orange one. He gets to roam the house and enjoy us. When he’s hissing and getting aggressive I’ll pet him, try to calm him down. He does but it’s not long before he’s fighting w the other cat again. My nice cat is genuinely confused by his behavior. He’ll come out cautiously, but probably 8 out of 10 times he’s chased off.
I have had my cat for 11 years, I found her and a litter of mostly all dead kittens in a wood pile. Their mother either abandoned them or got eaten by a coyote. I nursed her on a bottle and when she opened her eyes I was the first thing she saw. I have grown to hate my cat for reasons not listed above. I hate my cat for basic cat behavior. Let me explain, I have extreme musophobia as in fear of mice. For me I will spend hours curled up in a ball screaming for my cat to stay away from me when she tries to give me disgusting “presents” of mice. I know it’s her trying to feed me because she thinks I’m a lousy hunter but honestly get that disease ridden carcass away from me. Of course everytime she catches a mouse I take her to the vet and have a full health check on her after a lovely (sarcasm) visit to the ONLY cat groomer in a 150 mile radius. I hate my cat for the totally normal issue of redirected aggression. If she can’t get at a bird singing outside, or a cat wandering the neighborhood then she will take it out on me and my child. So I have to shutter every window because she can’t cope with it. If a person did this, most people would say the problem lies with the person being abusive, but the standards of cat behavior are different because cats are different. I have grown to hate my cat because she will poke, claw, and scratch me awake every single night to want to cuddle me until I cannot breathe. Then she will vocalize like the wails of banshees and promptly vomit on me because my day of rushing around my child has caused seperation anxiety in my cat so she exuberantly greets me for hours, leaves to go eat in a rush from the auto feeder, and then runs back to greet me while I attempt to get some sleep, vocalize, demand attention to the point of force then vomit from eating too much. I tried to give her away to my sister in law who is a cat person but she (the cat) refused to eat at all and had to be hospitalized for starvation. She also would attack anyone (cat or human) who wasn’t me during that time. I know it seems callous to say but aren’t cats supposed to be independent. This is far too much for me. I HATE my cat.
I had the 3 most amazing cats in the world. They were snuggly, friendly, and one of them, especially, was my kitty soulmate. Over time, they’ve all gone off to kitty heaven. After the first 2 died, we did adopt a kitten, about 3 years ago. He’s OK, he’s just not a snuggler. I’m neutral towards him. I was OK as long as I had my last girl. But she passed away a month ago. 2 weeks ago, my husband decided we needed another cat to keep Otter company. We went to the shelter and he and my sons chose a cat. I wasn’t feeling it, but they thought she was great so we adopted her. Lizzie is NOT snuggly either, and she’s rather standoffish. I’m not feeling any love towards her. I’m mad at my husband for adopting this cat. We can’t give her back because my son would be really upset at yet another change. I feel like I”m stuck for the next 10+ years with a cat I don’t want. Is there any way to get her to become a lap cat or am I doomed to loneliness?
I know that I’m going to sound selfish and ridiculous. And before I tell you why I HATE my cats, let me give the back story of why I have cats (I’ll keep it short).
My husband and I move a lot, and every time I move we would volunteer with the humane society. Majority of what we did were Foster puppies and kittens until they were old enough to get adopted out. When we move to California, we work with the rescue instead of the humane society. Well, ends up this rescue wasn’t exactly legit, not only got shut down, but the head of the rescue actually got sent to jail for not shutting down their operations As told. we pretty much got a text message saying the five kittens that we were fostering we’re now ours to figure out what to do with. Two passed away as kittens, and here we are, 4 years later, with three remaining.
I hate my cats because they make me feel filthy. I hate that no matter how much I clean, I can’t sit anywhere in my house without being covered in cat hair. My toddler can’t play anywhere without cat hair being stuck to her hands and in her mouth. I hate that if she drops a piece of food on the floor there’s litter on it (I called piss balls). I truly do my best at cleaning. I spent extra on a robot vacuum that can fit underneath all the furniture to really get to everything, but it doesn’t seem like I can never keep it clean for more than a few hours. And I truly feel disgusting. I know it sounds crazy, but the way I feel would be equivalent to the way one would feel after dumpster diving! And it’s a never ending battle!
And one other issue- ever since having my daughter, my bladder sucks. I also developed an allergy towards the cats during my pregnancy which never went away. So now I’m constantly sneezing all day, and half the time I sneeze, I pee myself! So that sucks too.
I am having the same issues!!!! I got my cat when I owned a house 15 years ago, and now I sold it (stupidly) and now I have to rent a depressing bad place, and the housing market has skyrocketed, I have lived my life around these animals for so long and lost lots of money to accomodate them all,,,where I now live it’s small and ugly and has mold. I am looking to move, but having 3 cats in a small place is driving me nuts! so much hair, my nose itches all the time. Its one cat in particular I have issues with. the Mother cat. she was pregnant stray and I kept her and two kittens. She is an obsessive licker so I cant pat her and pick her up because when I do I get server itchy nose, and she has put on a lot of weight she’s been like this for a good 12years …she is 15 now. she always wants food, she is very fat and she is very needy and clingy and I cant stand it..the other cat needs to put on weight and its so hard feeding the three of them,,the third cat has special needs to in a different area,,,I have gone broke from these animals…but mother cat, I feel like she grates against my soul…its a feeling I struggle with and I try to love her but I cant the love just is not there ! She just irritates me,,,but I cant give her away she is their mother and she still cleans and cuddles her kids etc..I adore the other two to death…They have personalities and are funny and interact in a way that I adore, but the mother just wants to sit on me. its like a major personality clash….but I have to put up with it until she dies of old age…some days I yell at her when she eats the others food and then there is the constant cleaning of cat tray…its full on…I try not to show my frustration but sometimes its so hard it shows. I feel guilt all the time
My daughter has this kitten was cute covered in fleas and litter trained. We already had two cats at the time two males. One neutered one not. They both mainly stayed downstairs while she was upstairs.She tried time and time again to get rid of the fleas. Got her first shots. She kept her mainly an indoor cat but took her for walk on a leash sort of. Then moved out with her to a basement suite where she allowed her outside. She started peeing on her bed.
She brought her back. We kept her an indoor cat. My neutered male died and I got a female kitten. Not spayed. She has reign of the whole house. My daughters cat continued to pee on things when she brought her back.
After she turned 3 I got her vaccinations completed and got her spayed got a urine test done as well. She had nothing wrong with her. The cats done have fleas worms or ear mites I took care of all of it. She still continues to pee. I was kind to her bought her a cat cradle. She made friends with the other female cat.
My other male is now neutered.
She still peed on everything.
I use cat attract litter. I’ve spent a lot of money on this cat. I’m done I can’t take it anymore. She is driving me crazy !
I got my cat from a friend when he was about 8 weeks old, after he had been picked up from the side of the road. He lived with her for 3 weeks, and slept in her bed. He’s just not as social as cats I’ve had in the past, which I had expected. He used to sleep cuddled up next to me and let me hold him, but after the first few weeks it all went downhill. He’s 9 months old now, he sleeps on the pillow next to mine, but he won’t sleep next to me. He lets me scratch his head & chin, but he’ll rip my arm to shreds if I touch anything else. Picking him up is suicide, taking him to the vet is embarrassing because he screams like a feral cat and I can’t even hold him like a pet parent should be able to. I’m in tears because I don’t want to hate him, because he does have his sweet moments. But more than half of the time it’s like I have a feral cat living in my room and I don’t know what to do. My mom tells me I should put him outside, but I don’t think he’ll be able to take care of himself, and I think it’s cruel after he’s slept in my bed for 9 months. Everyone in my house hates him. I really need some advice y’all..
Do you think something may have happened to him? Some sort of stressful situation that maybe seems like it’s not much to you but maybe triggered him? Construction nearby, fight with a cat if he goes outside, anything of that sort?
Maybe try confining him to one room of the house, with a lovely view, and everything he could possibly want or need (litter, food, water, scratch post, toys, etc.). Allow him to really get comfortable in that room if he’s happy to stay in only there, and interact with him quite often in it. Once he seems ready and starts sniffing at the door to come out, allow him visits outside to the rest of the house, then back in his safe room. This might help re-set anxiety if it exists due to him not feeling settled at home.
I also find cats are less likely to sleep cuddled next to you in summer/warmer months than in winter months, so that may be it. My first cat, Avery, who I had since he was around 9 months old also went through a phase where he slept next to me then stopped doing so for a while, but then he started to again, and now he sleeps at my feet, or if I put a fleece blanket down, right on top of my legs – but only if the blanket is there (I guess he really likes the texture). You can absolutely try doing that – placing a fleece blanket over top where you’d like him to sleep, as he may be like Avery in that way.
Try these tips to get him to be more cuddly, these to get him used to his carrier, and these to get him used to being in a car. And complain about everything else you have trouble with because honestly, there may be a fix to his less frustrating behaviours that will help give you and your family hope that he can improve. Things take time, but it sounds like you want to believe he can change. I believe he can, and that if you’re willing to try to train the “feral” out of him, it can be done, *especially* since he is still so young. If you feel like you can’t anymore, that’s another thing, but by the sound of it, you aren’t there yet, and you just want options. I will absolutely do my best to help you find options in terms of what to try to help his behaviour to change and improve.
Wishing you the very best of luck xoxo
I hate my cat because she pees on my kids blankets, jackets, behind the couch, the rug, etc
She runs away from me too. I did take her to the vet. I might turn her into an outdoor cat if she doesn’t cut it out, but she hates going outside.
Thank you for this post Elise – it’s nice to know I’m not alone!
My two cats came into my life when my boyfriend and I moved in together. They belonged to him from a previous relationship, and the cats were 7 and 8 at the time. I bonded immediately with the male cat – he is incredibly sweet, gentle, and friendly. He’s a favorite at our vet because he loves to greet all of the staff, and he loves when we have company at the house (I call him a puppy-cat).
Our female cat is more of the opposite. I found her sass and snark endearing until she had her first “episode”. She is incredibly reactive to outdoor cats and takes her rage out on our male cat. He is too sweet to fight back (despite being twice her size) and hides from her. She will attack and stalk him for a week or two (won’t let him eat, drink, use the litter box, etc) until she finally calms down. We have to separate them and do supervised reintroductions and it’s incredibly stressful for everyone in the house. Our vet had us try Xanax for the episodes, but it just caused her to be very agitated and meow nonstop.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her and waiting for the next rage episode. Our male cat has a stress-related heart condition and it infuriates me to think that she could be hurting his health. I also feel like a protective mama bear since he is so sweet and easy-going.
I know I’m projecting my human emotions into the situation, but I’m finding it very hard to separate the monster she is during an episode from the normal sassy cat, and I am constantly waiting for the next issue to pop up with her (I’m normally a very calm person by nature, so this is unusual for me). My boyfriend has noticed (she is obsessed with him) and I can tell it bothers him that I don’t like her. She is just not the type of cat I would have ever picked if I had a choice, and her episodes make it so much worse.
She is 14 now and I would never re-home her, even though she probably should have been the only cat in her household. My boyfriend loves her and can’t understand why I actively don’t like her (I’m reluctant to say I hate her, but it definitely comes to that some days).
Oh my god, I use the term “puppy cat” all the time to refer to my snuggly two – you’re the only one I’ve ever heard say they use the term before.
I almost get the sense that you hate her almost completely because of the way she treats your favourite, most loved male cat, and if she wasn’t able to get to him to hurt him or bother him, you’d be okay with her outbursts as they wouldn’t be directed at him in a way that made you upset. If he could be safe from her wrath, I think you’d be happier with her and with the situation. So…
This may seem like an odd solution considering it doesn’t directly address the problem of her having these fits, but I would absolutely 100% give your other cat a “safe” space from her, to get away, where she physically is incapable of following him so that he can eat, drink, use the litter, rest, scratch, and whatever else he’d like to do in his own personal space. One he doesn’t even need to emerge from if he doesn’t feel like it.
How I would do this: with a microchip cat door like the SureFlap Microchip Cat Flap (you can buy RFID tags for collars to use it with if your cat isn’t chipped). Set it to let his microchip/RFID tag in, but not hers. Basically, place it on an interior door so one room is just for him, or if you have a garden shed that has a nice window, that should work well, too. Wherever works, just deck out with whatever he could want or need, so he has basically an oasis away from her that he can use whenever he wants.
Sounds like she’s able to get along with him when she’s not having one of these episodes, so if you can give him a safe space away from her when she is, life should be a lot better for all of you.
My cat has been exhibiting awful behaviors ever since moving out of the home she was brought to as a bottle fed baby. This was years ago. But ever since then, she scream-meows constantly, and I mean constantly. It’s not a talkative meow, it’s always a plaintive, whining meow that sets my anxiety sky rocketing. She does it in the night. She does it when I get ready in the morning. She does it when she hears me coming up the stairs after work. When I’m up at any point. The only time she is quiet and calm, EVER, is when I am just sitting on the couch doing nothing. She wont allow me or my husband to hold her, give her prolonged pets, she refuses to play, and we make sure her food and water is always fresh as well as her litter. We have one other cat who is 100% deaf, so he doesnt really talk to her the way she might desire. Still, this behavior is making me insane. I cant take it anymore. I used to be so close to both my cats but her whiny-ness makes me anxious to the point that I dread coming home. As my husband puts it, it’s like she needs me to be around but she also acts fearful- he says it’s like she sees me as a vengeful god. My vet claims it’s likely because I bottle fed her that she acts like this, but she was NEVER this way before we moved. (YEARS ago)… we have tried anxiety meds for her. The feliway sprays and diffusers. Making her own spaces for her. Making her hidey holes. We have followed everything and spent hundreds of dollars trying to help her….but I’m not 8 months pregnant and I just know that the second her bs behavior wakes the baby, I’ll want to throw her out. I don’t know what to do. I’m halfway between heartbroken and just plain hateful.
Oh my goodness I’ve searched the net looking for someone else who has this problem. My kitten is 26weeks old had him from 8 weeks. He is obsessed with my partner. He cries ALL THE TIME for attention and I’m starting to hate him. He gets played with roughly twice a day 15 mins a time. But that’s never enough. He follows my partner around howling for attention. He has so many toys, a huge house play thing, tunnels, balls the lot. But it’s not enough. We’ve started letting him in the garden and as soon as we shut the door he sits at the door howling. If my partner goes into a room and shuts the door he sits outside crying. We have tried ignoring the crying and rewarding him when he’s quiet. Not working. Oh and he only sleeps around 7 hours out of 24. It’s exhausting listening to it and I’m really hating him. Please tell me if you’ve rectified you’re problem.
OMG! It’s like I wrote that. I am experiencing the same issue. Pretty much word for word. My cat never stops meowing EVER! I also have tried everything. I also dread coming home. I can’t even clear my throat during the night because no matter where she is in the house she will start yowling. She’ll sit in other rooms or on our balcony and just meow. I’m a big animal lover, and have had cats my whole life. Since I know I’m not alone I feel safe saying that I hate my cat! I took her in after her owner, my friend, passed away. I promised her I would take care of her cat. It’s been 7 years now,, and It’s only gotten worse. She has never gotten along with my other cat. We moved them into a new home at the same time so as to avoid territorial issue. I do play time, cuddle time, clean box, fresh food, nothing shuts her up. Only when she is sleeping is she quiet. I can’t take it anymore,, it is a huge source of stress. However, the thought of giving her up is to painful. HELP!!! I don’t want to hate my cat anymore.
my best cat died. i was & still am devestated. after several months, i thought my remaining cat was lonely so got a kitten. this was a big mistake – emotionally, it was too early for me & the kitten is much too annoying to the older cat. unfort, now i’m stuck with it b/c i feel bad about bringing it back to the shelter. i wish i hadn’t gotten her.
So sorry, Steph 🙁
Hopefully it works out in the end and your new kitten becomes a lot calmer quickly, and manages to bond quite well with you and the remaining cat.
Wishing you all the best xoxo
I’m a disabled veteran and live or less than $1,000 a month. I live alone with two cats. One is old, almost 12. I brought her in as a stray. I adopted the other five years ago at the no kill shelter. Over the past year, the old one has become gradually ill. She started peeing and dedicating everywhere but in the box. I had to ban her from the bedroom. The other cat started going all over the house too. Even to the point today of peeing in my shoes and I’m sure you can guess the rest. If I could afford veterinary care I’d get it. I’m tired of the cats and getting very disgusted with them. I wish they would just die! And I can’t afford to take them to the vet to be put down. I came very close to strangling the old one, and have come close to throwing the other one out the door. Both of my thoughts are cruel. But before you judge me, judge the greedy vets who only care about getting paid! Luckily I don’t have carpet, thanks to two hurricanes. But I’m tired of my home smelling like urine and amonia. I don’t know what to do. . .
You should re-home your cats and stop taking in anymore., You can’t afford them. Don’t blame the vet for needing cash to run a business.
Thank you for your service to our Country!! I’m not sure where you live, but there are shelters that have “drop boxes” you can leave them in that and then you won’t have to feel the guilt of having to hand them to someone, which you should feel no guilt over. You deserve a peaceful home. It will be just as good for them as for you. Its okay.
I just got back from a weeks vacation. I missed my cat the entire time. Normally we’re inseparable. I’ve had him since he was 3 weeks old. He’s familiar with me leaving periodically. I’ve never been mad at him before. But, I just got back home yesterday, last night he accidentally hurt or other cat. He was lying down and she jumped up near him startling him. He scratched her eye, he didn’t get her too deep but eye stuff is a big fear of mine. Right now it’s mostly a me thing. I hate him so much, I resent him, I don’t want him near her, I don’t want to see him. He’s mine and I’m his bonded human but this little guy that has given me so much joy is now the center of my hatred. I don’t know how to forgive him.
Poor girlie! Glad she’s doing alright with her eye.
I hope you’re doing alright as well! I think the fact that it’s a fear of yours makes it much harder, but I absolutely don’t think they aim at the eye or anywhere at all when they hit back. I imagine he meant to give her a little “go away” swipe and accidentally got her in the eye – and if you think this is likely, maybe that can be the start of the forgiveness: that he never at all meant to hurt her, just to push her away.
I hate my cat. He’s ruined me for other cats. I’m honestly just waiting for the day he passes so I don’t have to deal with him anymore. I have 2 cats, Shadow (owned 6 years) and Godiva (owned 3 years). They have never gotten along and now 3 years later they still fight on a pretty regular basis.
Shadow screams for food constantly. To the point now I just fill his bowl all the time just so we can all sleep. Even though the vet said he needs to lose weight. He gets crystals and has to be on a special hills diet. It’s so pricey. He’s not allowed any treats. I’ve tried to incorporate them with his diet and we ended up at the vet twice. Which means our other cat cannot have anything special because he aggressively takes it from her and makes himself sick anyway.
He has peed on and completely ruined furniture- a love seat $$, rugs, towels if they are left on the ground. We live with no carpeting whatsoever because he has peed on anything rug like. Area rug, welcome mat, bath mat.
He eats plastics like grocery bags, ziploc, packing bubbles, tape, literally anything that crinkles. Chews and swallows- not plays with. What he can’t chew he licks- laundry baskets, baby toys, etc. He eats tissues and toilet paper and cheap brand paper towels. Then he has a hard time passing the stuff and scrooches poop all over the floors. We have to be 100% vigilant about putting things behind closed doors and out of his reach. We had to keep bathroom doors shut 24/7 before I finally purchased a baby gate to completely block off half the house. He’s not allowed in the bedrooms or bathrooms.
He is always underfoot. Try walking to the kitchen and he is in front of every step. Even while holding the baby which is infuriating.The other cat is a near perfect animal. I’ve hardly ever been upset with her. Only when the 2 of them go at it. (We clap loud and say no if fur flies but he honestly doesn’t care and will usually continue whatever action until someone physically moves him or takes it away. We have found he is terrified of the noise an air can makes. That’s been helpful and likely traumatizing for him.)
Now with a new baby in the house those feelings of rage and hate and disgust at this furry douche have gone through the roof. Even my husband at this point can’t stand him and he has patience I could never posses.
I feel guilty about these feelings and more guilty that since I don’t love him at all- I’m keeping him from a home that would cherish him.
Writing it all out like this makes it sound like he has no redeeming qualities. He is a love bug and could snuggle for hours, he likes to explore outside but not too far from the patio, he’s a bit skittish. Will go ape tits over catnip. Loves his toys, especially feathered ones. Has alerted us to a bat in the house, mice, and a leaking air conditioner. He chatters at the birds and wildlife outside the windows. He’ll fall over and purr if you pull out his hairbrush and enjoys a solid lint rolling. He was our first cat in our first apartment when my husband and I started our life together. I used to adore him. Now I cant even look at him without being annoyed.
Sorry for the novel. I haven’t told anyone except hubby how I feel.
Don’t apologize at all – I’m so sorry about all of this 🙁
That last part is heartbreaking to me, where you explained how close you were and that you used to adore him 🙁
Again, I am so sorry. It’s heartbreaking because it’s not like you want any of these issues complicating your relationship with him, and it sounds to me like you’re dealing with a really stressful time in your life where he has health problems and you have a new baby, and everything feels broken about your relationship with this particular cat and his behaviour.
It also sounds like so much of his issues have to do with the urinary infection/crystals and pica (if he’s swallowing random objects like plastic and tape he almost certainly has pica; cats who don’t have pica will chew, but they don’t try to swallow). And the other half has to do with the fact that he is obsessed with getting food out of you, which is hyper exhausting based on experience.
I can’t fix any of these problems for sure, but if you’re willing to try I have literally just two tips that I think should help *a lot* with potentially fixing all of these issues combined – again if you’re willing to try:
1. To make sure his crystals are easier for him to pass if he gets them, and thus to make it more likely he’ll pee in the litter box and not where he happens to be sleeping/resting (i.e. area rugs, floors, tubs, mats), make sure he drinks a lot every day. It’s not easy to do this if you leave it to the cat, cats typically suck at drinking water, some cats suck at drinking more than others. While my cats have never had UI issues, I’ve known so many pet parents who do (mostly male cats, and mine are both male), so I’m paranoid. To keep issues at bay, I mix half a cup of water in with kibble and give this to each cat twice a day. Mixing food with water makes sure the cats stay very well hydrated and makes them feel fuller because they actually have liquid in their bellies, a nice perk for food-obsessed kitties like mine. I’d strongly recommend doing the same. 1/2 cup of water, twice daily, mixed in with a little kibble.
2. Get a timed feeder. I know it’s an expense. I’m not sure I could live without one anymore though. The 1/2 cup of water with kibble twice each day are the only meals I feed my cats anymore, because I now have a timed feeder. This one. I bought it because it’s supposed to be pretty good at preventing cats who are really clever at breaking things and getting extra food out. My cats haven’t managed to, and one absolutely has tried to get food out by sticking his arm up the hole. This feeder saved me. From being woken up all night, from one of my cats fighting with the other whenever he got hungry. From my new cat throwing up on the floor, on carpets, on mats, wherever he was sitting when he got too hungry and his tummy decided to make too much stomach acid = vomit. I have the timed feeder go off every 4 hours during the day. My new cat tried eating soap before (= diarrhea), and since this feeder, he doesn’t try eating random things anymore (crossing fingers this continues). The only time the cats whine now is around half an hour before I give them water + kibble, because they know it’s a human and not a machine forking over food. The machine they somehow know will not be convinced to hand some over with whining.
I really hope these tips help. I really hope things get better. I hope you’ll look back on this part of your life and your relationship with him and think you dodged a bullet because things got better and he became sane again. I wish you the best of luck, and if you do try any of this out, or even if you don’t – please keep me updated! Good luck with everything.
That cat is making your life hell. I totally relate though because I have 3 cats and 2 of them combined do all the things you have mentioned. I’m so ready for them to be dead and gone. And yes, it does get worse after bring a baby/child into it. Those feelings just intensify. I wish I could re-home my cats but they would need to go together since they are pretty bonded and my husband won’t give the one cat up.
I had at one point considered taking him back to the shelter we adopted him from. A few family members became furious about the thought and talked me out of it. I have since relinquished all feeding duties to my husband so shadow doesn’t have panic attacks when I enter the kitchen anymore. It has eased my stress level a bit. The baby (over a year old now) loves him and follows him around, he let’s her too. He likes the attention. This has made me start to see him in a new light and begun repairing my relationship with the fuzzy beasty. I still get frustrated at him when he acts out but I no longer want him out as passionately as before.
The cause of my hatred is due to living with them while having allergies to them. I’ve spent years loving them and unable to give them up, even with the mounting health affects I’ve been seeing in myself over the years. I’ve hit breaking points many times where I logically know giving them up is something that I need to do, but can’t get myself to. I’m now in a state where I’ve developed permanent health conditions, Literally permanent named health disorders, even if the cats were gone. which all point towards their development being spurred by constantly increased histamine levels built up in my system and chronic inflammation. It’s completely turned my life around. Still have the cats….love them and hate them. Felt like I would just power through having them through their lifetimes with the power of my love for them, but it isn’t a smart decision. Wish I never got them to love in the first place.
I’m so sorry 🙁 This is heartbreaking.
If only there were some cure for allergies and the health disorders you ended up with. I wish there’d be a breakthrough on this front. 🙁 🙁
First of all, I just want to thank you for being nonjudgmental and allowing a space for this—I have been afraid of telling anyone how I feel about my cat but it’s starting to become an overwhelming resentful feeling.
I initially found my cat as a young kitten off the street and was worried he wouldn’t survive (no mother), so I took him in. He was an AMAZING kitty, he loved seeing me and wanted to be by my side all the time, I got him box-trained within only a matter of two weeks… but since I was a young college student I couldn’t keep him with me. My partner at the time offered to take him, and I accepted as I wanted to stay close to him and not send him off to my family hundreds of miles away.
Worst mistake of my life. My ex abused both of us, for years. I will not go into detail but he harassed my kitten and as he got older and less behaved, often got physically violent with my cat, I would lock us both in a room where he couldn’t get to us but I have no idea of all the things he did when I wasn’t there. By the time I was finally able to leave, the damage was already done. My cat was hateful and violent. I worked with him for years to learn to trust humans, to accept love and good touch, and while we made a lot of progress, he still occasionally lashed out. This was understandable to me given what he’s been through.
But in the last 2-3 years, his behavior has gotten so much worse. My old roommate would chase him around and scream at him, I mentioned to her that that was not helpful. Moved in with my SO a year ago and got him checked up at the vet, got medicine for a health condition he had and I figured the bad behavior would ease up but it hasn’t. He loves my current partner who takes excellent care of him, but I feel like he still hates me, as he always pushes my buttons. He’s started clawing furniture and our bed, chewing on everything (wood fixtures, clothes, lamps, whatever he can), has clawed and ruined many of our possessions including carpet in our rented apartment(s), yowls early in the morning (incredibly minor compared to everything else) and harasses/hurts my new cat. I am getting so resentful and angry to the point where I don’t recognize myself and hate my reactions to him. It is very apparent I favor my new cat over my old one. My new cat cuddles with me and wouldn’t hurt a fly; meanwhile my old one is wrecking everything in his path and constantly reminds me of the abuse we both went through, so I get intense anxiety and start crying. I have thought of trying to find a new home for him almost obsessively and I hate myself. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going crazy. He only listens when we snap our fingers or make a loud clapping noise but will continue to do the behavior when he thinks we aren’t watching.
I am so sorry about your experiences with your ex – both for you and for your kitty 🙁 What a terrible thing that must’ve been to go through!
It sounds to me he’s still triggered by your presence in some way. I wouldn’t be surprised if he still associates you with his old life and for that association, does have increased anxiety and thus misbehaves excessively around you.
Since he loves your partner, I feel like maybe there’s hope for him calming down in your home. It sounds like he’s been through a lot in a short span of time.
Cats hate change, and he’s had to deal with lots of new people, a new kitten, and a medical condition all while recovering from a horrifying experience with an abusive human. I absolutely empathize with you being frustrated and resenting him for the things he does, but I wouldn’t write him off as being impossible to change.
If you’re willing to try: I would personally section off the house so he gets a room to himself, basically like a recovery space with everything he wants and needs, toys he loves, etc. Pretty much have him there (if he’s happy to stay in with the door closed) when you’re not home, so that way he only has to interact with the new cat minimally. I’d then try to “smell” like your new partner (spraying your partner’s body mists and such for a weekend for instance) to see if he can start to associate you with the positive emotions he has created with your new partner. Basically try to hit the “reset” button on the relationship with the new cat, and try to get your cat to associate you with the new, healthy relationship he’s forged with your partner.
Obviously, I have no idea if these things will work, but based on my limited knowledge with bringing in new cats, and trying to quell the anxiety of a kitty who’s anxious about too much change, they should help at least a little. Here’s an article I wrote on the anxiety my first cat had to deal with once I brought a second cat in, and a bit on how I tried to make the first cat more comfortable. I think some of the things I mentioned there may help as well.
Keep me updated! Good luck, & I really hope things start getting better for you soon xoxo
I just wish we never got our cat. Living with Felix (our cat) has been a living hell. He cries all the time. Constant meowing all night. We feed him before we go to bed, love him before we go to bed but this damn cat just needs CONSTANT ATTENTION. My wife and I are working folks 9-5 corporate jobs. Our son is in the 7th grade and certainly needs his sleep. Whatever we’ve tried doesn’t work. This damn cat is neurotic and pathetic. I thought having a pet was supposed to add happiness to your life. We (especially my wife) does not get enough sleep. This cat has ruined our lives and I just wish he would go away forever. Never again will we get a cat. NEVER!
🙁 Maybe you should be looking to re-home Felix. If you can find someone happy to give him the attention he needs, I’m sure he and your family will be happier for it.
I have been reading all of your posts. Thanks for such thoughtful insight.
We adopted a cat almost a year ago, he will be 2 in April. I have a fear of cats but my family really wanted him. I have come a long way but still struggle at times. My biggest challenge is the biting. It is always gentle but it still causes me to have an internal panic. I have really increased interactive play with him. He seems to need 3-4 sessions a day. This has helped with under the table ankle biting during dinner. I still struggle with him wanting attention while I try to work (work from home at the table). I am not super comfortable picking him up. He must sense that it often leads to a soft bite. So I fall back to playing with him. I really would rather get my work done and teach him that ankle biting isn’t okay. Any tips for this? I didn’t see a specific post in biting but did like the attention ones. Thanks!!
I have an article up on why cats bite and chew fingers that may be of use!
I think if he really wants to play quite a lot, you need to do a combination of switching to high energy exercise toys (as these will tire him out a lot better than most other cat toys) and investing in a number of toys cats can play with by themselves, so when you’re in the middle of working, you can shoo him off and he can play by himself if he wants to.
He may just be trying to get your attention, however, and if that’s the case, try placing a chair right by you and putting a nice cozy blanket right on top, so if he wants to be right by you to still feel like he’s getting attention, but be in a place that won’t distract you from your work, it’s safe.
To teach him ankle biting is okay, the gist is you need to tell him, “No!” whenever it happens and then ignore him – don’t give him the attention or the play or the things he wants, or he’ll repeat. Eventually, he’ll figure out another way to tell you he wants something, like by tapping you instead of biting.
Hope all this helps, but if you have any further questions, ask away and I’ll do my best to answer them as well!
I have two cats nugget and kuckamunga and they both hate me they stay under the bed and hiss at mw they dont usually scratch but they dont care if i pet them or talk softly they dont care for treats or catnip or toys im getting angrier everyday i just want a cat friend and one had ear mites when i got him and i got rid of the infection I thought wed be friends but i think they do just hate me or maybe ill get rid of them they seem perfectly healthy
They don’t sound like they hate you – they sound like they’re afraid of something if they’re staying under the bed and hissing.
If you could, please try separating them into different rooms because I think it’s possible they may be afraid and uncomfortable with each other. Make them feel like they each have their own space and can be the king of their own room, and I think it will probably help them feel less anxious and willing to let you befriend them.
They sound healthy but they sound like they’re also really anxious about something, and especially if they weren’t in the same household together before, the anxiety could actually be from each other.
I have a kitten named Keanu and I absolutely hate this little thing with every fiber in my being. He’s really my boyfriends kitten but we live together so me and this cat crossing paths is inevitable. He’s four months old and I understand he’s a baby but I have had it with him. We’ve had him for little more than two months now and I’m planning on re-homing him ASAP. This is the most vindictive and annoying animal I have ever encountered and nothing we seem to do will deter him from stop doing the things we hate. He sprints through the house, jumps on our tables, counters and dressers, knocks sh*t over and then attacks us. He absolutely knows what “NO!” Means because he’ll stop doing whatever it is he shouldn’t be doing but then he’ll turn around and keep doing then runs away when we approach him. Same goes for biting. If I tell him no, he has the audacity to be offended and attacks me harder after I tell him to stop. It’s so freaking crazy I have never had a cat like this before. We showere him with all sorts of love and all we get in return is an arm full of scratches and bites. I’ve never hated a pet before and I feel bad for it but I really can’t stand this kitten. I’m a veterinary student and I have NEVER doubted my profession until now. This cat honestly makes me want to just change my major and I have never felt like this before and resent him for making me hate what I love to do. And the fact that something as trivial as a kitten is triggering me this bad is just horrible, he needs a new family.
He definitely sounds like a rambunctious cat and not at all the average easy-to-train type. I hope he calmed down considerably since you got him. I know there are some cases where the pet just isn’t a good fit in a home because of personality. Hoping it’s not that and that he just needed a little age under his belt to calm down.
Best of luck! xoxo
I have grown up with cats. Outdoor tho. My husband got and I got a cat one year ago. She’s beautiful, brave and full of personality. She can be aggressive, stand-off ish and annoying.
We both work full time and then some so I do try to play with her daily to keep her active. She doesn’t like treats so training wasn’t easy. She has her routine of feeds, which she’s happy with.
The thing I can’t seam to be able to deal with is her random aggression that is only directed to me and not my husband. She will come up to me sitting and leap for my arms and really dig her nails in there. I’ve tried yelling, water spray and blowing air. It’s random, nothing happens before.
It frustrates me and actually hurts my feelings. Even trying to pet her sometimes she snaps. I do try to give her space but she rubs my legs for attention so I give her a rub then she bites. Is this just normal cat behaviour?
My husband is annoyed at her and the marks she leaves me with and even is wanting to give her up but I can’t bear to think of her stuck in a cage getting over seen because she’s not a kitten anymore or even scraping someone else. We had a pet sitter for two weeks when we were away (first time) and she number attacked her. Is it me? Am I to nice to her??
Thanks for your articles ❤️
I don’t think this is normal cat behaviour at all. I don’t think you’re too nice to her either based on what I’ve read and the fact that she never attacked your pet sitter – I think there may be something setting her off, the smell of a body lotion perhaps?
Maybe try using your husband’s lotions, shampoos, bath soaps, etc. for a week and see if that changes things. Cats are incredibly smell sensitive and it sounds like she really loves you, so something not related to you is setting her off.
In terms of training her to stop in case smell doesn’t turn out to be the problem (or really, for good practice anyway since aggression should be taught as not a good response) – try saying “No!” loudly when she does this. Same with the biting. Some cats do love bites and don’t realize that it hurts the human (since their bite on another cat probably wouldn’t really hurt). Stick to “No!” for everything so she understands the word and will eventually register what part of her behaviour is to your disliking. Also, she may be doing this for attention, or to try to get you to play to an extent, but even if she is, don’t engage with her. Just shout “No!” and ignore her, letting her feel guilty for her poor behaviour. Once she’s settled down, quiet and calm, then give her attention and play with her.
I really hope it’s an issue with the smell of a specific product, because that’s a lot easier to fix, but let me know if none of this advice helps and I’ll do my best to think up something else you can try.
Oh and, thanks for your comment ❤️ 🙂
Most of the time, I like my cat. However, whenever I need to hold her still, like when cleaning her eye boogers or putting medicine in her ear, she is violently impossible. It makes me feel like a horrible person because I have to trap her as best I can where she can’t bite or scratch me, though sometimes that fails and she has to keep living with the eye boogers. Today all I was trying to do was wipe away the eye residue with a wet cotton ball, and she freaked out, and I could feel her heart beating fast. I was scared and upset because of her clawing and biting. Very challenging. I honestly feel like biting her sometimes to teach her how it feels.
“I honestly feel like biting her sometimes to teach her how it feels.” < quite literally made me laugh out loud 🙂 I think your cat could use a bit of training to help her be more calm and less crazy when you try to do simple things like cleaning up eye boogers. The biting you should definitely be scolding her for (loudly saying, "No!" when it happens), in case you aren't yet, so she understands this isn't a behaviour you approve of. At one point or another, she should learn to flash her teeth rather than give a full on bite to tell you she wants you to stop, and if you see the teeth flash, immediately stop so you acknowledge you understand and re-try a little later. I have a few guides up that might help with training her to be okay with you touching her, though they're not directly related - there's this one here on teaching your cat to stop running away and this one here on teaching your cat to be more snuggly. The gist is, keep approaching her and doing non-“offensive” touching and petting of her to the point where she gets used to your touch more and more, so eventually she won’t freak out as much when you do more “annoying” things to her, like try to clean her eye or put some weird feeling thing in her ear.
Try distracting her with snacks she likes right before doing something you know she’ll think is stressful. Then if she starts freaking out, scold her if she tries to bite. If she gets through the experience, and you successfully clean her eye out, for example, reward her with snacks and vocal praise and petting (if she likes it) as well, to indicate this was a hard thing, but it’s done now, and you’re proud of her for getting through it.
Really hope some of these tips help! Keep me posted in case you try any and let me know how she starts to do with the eye cleanings. Also you may want to try non-wet toilet paper for that job initially, as it may get off a lot less eye poop, but it will hopefully make her more comfortable with the sensation of something coming near her eye. Then switch once she’s comfortable with the dry toilet paper. Good luck!
my boyfriend’s cat is driving me nuts! my friend dropped the cat off at his house while i was there and my bf said he could keep the cat. now a yr later and me and my bf are living together.. which means i live w the cat. his name is pern. he attacks our legs about every other day. by attack i mean he scratches till blood is running down our legs. when we sleep he knocks things over on a weekly basis. or he likes to tear blinds and tear up rolls of toilet paper and paper towels. i annoyed that today he knocked down my plant and then attacked my bf twice making my bf bleed. idk what to do w him. he does know how to cuddle up and purr or play w his toys but he is like jackle and hyde sometimes
To be honest, a lot of the things you’ve mentioned are things you can easily train a cat to stop doing. My guess is you should be scolding your boyfriend a little for letting the cat do whatever he wants for so long 😉
Start by saying “No!” sternly when the cat does things you don’t want, and play with him extra often (15-30 min a day) to get all his energy out in the mornings; make sure he has a scratching post to scratch up (instead of the blinds!) and toys like these he can play with by himself that you can direct him to after you’ve said, “No” to playing with your poor legs. That should all really help, but if you need more advice, write me up a list of any habits you need help learning how to train him out of.
Sounds to me like he’s developed some bad habits because your boyfriend didn’t set any boundaries for him, though. So unfortunately, you’ve now got to be the “bad cop” and do the training.
Sighs. I’m finding I hate one of my three cats. All three get along well and are very sweet together…and all are emotionally needy. Penny, we adopted shortly before my first cat I found while in college (who developed hyperthyroid) started losing weight. Weesh went from 15 pounds down to 9 in a week then kept losing until her kidneys failed at age 22. For the last year I was hand feeding and force feeding her as she’d reject one food after another. By the end, I sincerely wanted her to die. So we adopted Penny, a cute tortie, as a back-up about five years years before she my college cat died. We hired people from a pet rescue organisation to help care for college-cat since I knew they’d be comfortable giving meds, sub-Q, feeding and it helped having someone else do it. I started hating my old cat who I’d loved/adored her entire life and this was a cat who hated me, bit me if I moved at night while sleeping, refused being pet by hand, never accepted affection from me, preferred to be alone, stole food from the counter, and would stand inside the litter box only to point herself the wrong way such that her urine would arch from her into the air, onto the floor…every time she peed. She’d then face the other direction to poop successfully inside the box so I knew she was capable. But I loved her more than was rational…until the end and the hypertyroid got worse making her constantly beg for food, and pester us when before she’d wanted nothing to do with us, she was so weak that jumping up onto the counter…she’d try it but then wouldn’t make it and fall off and crash. This despite me offering her everything and anything under the sun to eat…pet food, cat food, baby food, yogurt. people food, dog food, sandwich meat, things drizzled in heated tuna juice (no joke). She’d refuse to eat any of it…not left alone with it. not offered by hand. And then she’d only drink out of the hall toilet…not any other toilet…just that one. So I locked her in there and we started using different places until…she fell in and soaked herself. By now she’d also started vomiting frothy water liquid if we ever let her roam free…she also lose bladder control at random places…but was incapable of not constantly moving. We changed a spare bedroom into her room and covered the flooring with temporary linoleum to protect it. The thyroid meds produced diarrhea and more vomiting plus she’d fight tooth and nail to avoid pills then throw them up along with the food I’d tried to get her to eat. Still, she’d only drink from THAT one toilet so I’d try to hold her such that she could drink. I felt heart broken, desperate, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, guilty….
Before all that…Penny started developing behavior issues…throwing up regularly despite special food(s) and even for a time me making cat food so that I knew it’d be allergen free. If we shut her out of our bedroom so that we could sleep, she’d scratch on the door all night wanting to come in. Then she’d poop in front of our door. If I pushed her off my lap…or showed affection to another cat…she’d poop on the floor. And then when friends visited us…she soaked our bed in urine. So…I started feeling less emotionally close to her.
Meanwhile the pet rescue, seeing how I cared for my college cat, offered us kittens to foster. Ideally we’d raise the kittens, bring them to adoption events and then someone would adopt them, and then we’d get a new batch of kittens. However…we couldn’t part with them and adopted them. They love Penny.
And now…Penny has hyperthyroid (which is treated with ear gel) and regularly blocked anal glands. They keep bursting at random times. She won’t eat…she’s desperate for affection and the hyperthyroid makes her even more pushy and overly needy. But she won’t eat…and the more time I spend trying to convince her to eat… I feel like a monster. She’s so skinny. But I’d rather euthanize her than to try to keep forcing her to eat…I don’t have it in me to spoon feed her twice a day for an hour or shove a syringe in her mouth after prying it open. It was hard enough when I loved my old cat to do it…
My other two I love to peices…they are fat, affectionate, reasonable…and still work in their own ways. One I must regularly wipe the catsa bottom and bath or else she gets bladder issues… but they are quiet and give me space when I need it.
Penny has to be touching me all the time…she won’t let the kitten twins (who are now age 6) cuddle her though they’d both love to show her affection and sleep near her any chance they get…
If I could fatten Penny up, get her healthy, I’d re:home her if I could. I’ve loved cats my whole life and always thought only awful people got rid of pets… How do I change this?
My sister is staying with my family and I for a while, and she has cats of her own. I have two cats. Since we don’t have a lot of rooms to separate the cats, there’s been a lot of hissing and growling coming from BOTH of my cats. My mom and sister insist on having all four them around the house, while I am just flat out scared that one of my cats is going to kill my sister’s cats. Tonight was the last straw for one of my cats. She was let out of her pet carrier, but she was constantly growling and hissing, and looked almost ready to attack. I carried her to her pet and talked to her in a harsh tone while she was growling and yowling. It’s been almost a week, and I am tired of feeling useless because I can’t control the situation. Talking to my cats softly doesn’t work, nor making noises, buying feliway was a rip off, and just…
I can’t even rehome my cats so they can have a better life with a better owner. And all shelters here give 0 fucks about cats (I live in a small town in Mexico)
I would encourage you to separate your cats from the rest of the cats into your bedroom if you have one to yourself. Or a single room in general. To create the feeling of space for cats, simply stack furniture in ways that make it easy for them to jump high – like pushing a chair next to a short dresser, next to a taller dresser, next to a bookshelf, etc. Keep your two together, and if you want to bring them out in the evenings or whenever you’re home to give them something to do/some mental stimulation, do what I did when I temporarily had to live with my mum and her cat (who is notoriously a bully toward other cats) – put your two cats on a harness when you take them out, take them directly to sit on a chair by a window, and monitor them closely. Or take them to another isolated room and have them inspect and wander about with the door closed to the other cats. Essentially have a “walk” with them the way dog owners do, but inside the house to generate some change and novel stimulus.
Feliway can help when there’s a little stress but your environment sounds toxic – that’s way too much stress for all of you, definitely do not keep every cat together like this since it’s worked out so poorly thus far. There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping cats in small spaces, and if you need tips on that check out this article here. I myself am in a studio, and while I wouldn’t introduce two cats here, I know if they were already acquainted, I could easily keep two here. If you need advice let me know, but absolutely keep all the cats out of their carriers throughout the day, but your two safe in your room, and theirs in the rest of the house.
Be sure to play with your cats regularly and, like I said, be sure to stack furniture so they can jump and feel they have more vertical space. Maybe even make room a closet if you have one for them to jump on the top shelf. The reason why I say never to lock them up in carriers during the day (don’t know if you do this, it just sounded like you might in your comment) is that it simply generates pent up energy which = aggression in stressful situations like this. But 100% I agree with you – separation should make life a lot easier and happier for all of you and you need to do it. Don’t hesitate just because you don’t have many rooms. One room is enough for two cats if you make the most of it.
I love cats, but I never asked for a cat. Never went out of my way to look for one. Never expressed a need to actually own a cat. Yet my boyfriend at the time surprised me with a cat one night. In a combination of fear of hurting his feelings and shock and excitement I accepted the gift. Don’t get me wrong, I love him so much. He’s a sweet cat. He cuddles, plays fetch, never bites or scratches.
But I resent him so much sometimes.
It’s so much money I never planned on spending. So much stress when he starts meowing at the top of his lungs at 3 am when I work early. I’ve laid on the floor mid mental breakdown pleading with him to shut the hell up so he didn’t wake up my toddler brother. I love traveling and spontaneity and I can’t just skip town when I want because I have a cat-child. Eventually when I move out of my parents house (im 20) I’ll have to look for a place that will allow pets and that will limit my options and raise prices. I’m just not one for long term commitment. Especially ones I never whole heartedly signed up for.
The thing is , I could never ever give him up because I love him so so so much. He is my heart. I miss him like he’s my child when I’m away. He genuinely makes me happy, I just can’t help but know that life would be easier without him. And I feel sick even writing that cause I feel like a horrible horrible person. I’m so conflicted. Someone please tell me if this is okay or not.
Let me tell you, I don’t see anything crazy, weird, or even bad about what you’ve said. What you’re doing in my eyes is stating the obvious: that pets are a double edged sword because with the joy they bring us, they also bring us terribly big responsibility as well. Actually, your comment is reminiscent to me of a number of different articles I’ve read about people sometimes regretting having children, who love their children to bits, but do mourn the sacrifices they’ve had to make to have them.
Do I think these thoughts and emotions are common? Fleetingly, yes, but for the most part no, but here’s why: I think when most people take on a responsibility they appreciate the upsides for, they do their best to ignore all the downsides as much as possible to make peace with the situation and feel like they’ve made the best choice. Obviously, you didn’t choose to take in your cat, but even if you did, you sound to me like the type of person who is hyper rational and hyper aware of all the factors that go into any specific decision at any time, and that’s what’s causing you to look at the positives and negatives equally – you’re too rational not to do so.
Negatives of owning cats exist. Plenty do and there will always be many around. These are exacerbated every time you want to do something a bit out of the box (the box being keeping in one place with your cat). My husband and I moved from Canada to the UK a few years ago. Figuring out which flights we could take with him was annoying as hell, the anxiety of doing all the paperwork (which was quite a bit) and the actual travelling to get him here was no cup of tea for us either (my cat didn’t care much, but it was hugely stressful for the two of us). When we got here, finding a flat we could have him in wasn’t easy, and we still deal with the daily frustration of living in a country with no window screens while having an indoor cat. Now we’re moving to Portugal so to an extent we’re doing it all over again (though it’s much easier this time), and have to each time we move to a new house, let alone a new country – it can absolutely be exhausting at times.
But times are changing and there are a lot more of us pet owners around, so the world is beginning to cater to us. Landlords are becoming more accepting out of necessity, especially with cats and small dogs, there are more and more people willing to stop over and take care of a pet for you on vacation if you do the same for them. And there are a lot more toys and products out there that help us take care of feline boredom, litter smells, and other issues we indoor-only cat owners face regularly. But there will always be that baseline worry over the responsibility of caring for another’s life that will be there. And it will be true no matter how much the world changes.
You should not feel sick writing that your life would be easier without him. Because it would. That’s just a fact of life and if the rest of us choose to ignore it so we can feel a bit better about the sacrifice, that doesn’t mean it’s no longer there. But you choose to keep him because making your life easier is not likely to make you happier – well that’s enormous. If the responsibility – which is huge – is outweighed by the enhancement loving him and him loving you brings to your life, well that’s the trade off we have to make with nearly anything in life. Nothing worthwhile ever comes without a cost, the question is only ever whether what you have outweighs how much it costs you, and if you feel the answer is yes, then that’s that.
But I would advise you to do your absolute best to make the negatives of having your cat far less present in your life. You said your cat wakes you up at 3 AM – that’s a situation I was in when Avery was a kitten. It’s hellish. Really is difficult to function and not resent a cat that’s depriving you and family members of sleep. But you can actually change this behaviour with training, and I’d encourage you to do so. If you have any nagging problems with him, do your best to try researching how to train him to resolve those. Because yes, you have an enormous responsibility when it comes to caring and looking after your pet, but it absolutely does not have to mean you need to suffer through a lot of the bad habits cats can develop. I have a bunch of posts about training cats here and if he has any behaviours I haven’t written about that you’d like to train him out of, let me know, but don’t let the status quo be enough; make your life with him as good as you can make it. And if you’re worried about something in particular, do some research to make the worry and fear over it less powerful.
Research about renting with a cat, email a bunch of landlords and ask about if they’d accept a cat, maybe the situation’s a lot more resolved than you expected. Think you may travel in the future? Ask friends and family you have if hypothetically they would be willing to stop by and house sit for you while gone. Put out feelers to alleviate stress, even if you’re not going to do any of these things in the near future. Put your mind at ease with facts that you may not need now, so you don’t feel trapped and you always know the truth, which is that you have options. This technologically advanced, pet friendly world we’re heading into now is not going to get rid of every responsibility we have when it comes to our pets, but laundry machines, vacuums, and dishwashers made life a lot easier for those looking after a household, and technological breakthroughs can do the same for those looking after pets. I think the progress that’s been made has been great thus far, and it’ll only get better with the popularity of pets on an enormous rise.
Wow, that’s one of the most lovely and kind ways I’ve ever seen it expressed, I found this when I was searching too…also about hating one of my cats 🙁
I hope it put your mind at ease and made you feel both not alone and not at all a bad person for having negative thoughts. Best of luck! xoxo
I’m so glad I’m not alone! I hate my new cat!
My beautiful and sweet cat passed away last year. I’ve had cats before, but we were totallly bonded together, and I was quite devastated by her death. I managed to pull myself out of that hole earlier this year.
I adopted a new cat earlier this year.
I don’t like my new cat. I don’t like her smell. I loved my old cat’s smell. She smelled like kitty shortbread and stinky feet.
My new cat’s smell is kind of like cat pee or something. She is clean and washes herself, but every cat has a smell regardless.
I’ve had her for several months now, and am finding that we aren’t bonding. Sometimes she likes to be petted. Many times she hisses at me, or hides. She bit me one time. Twice, she peed because she’s scared of the vacuum. I can deal with cat care stuff, but the bonding issue is hard.
I don’t mind the cat things actually. I can deal with scratching, cat pee smell, and biting. There is just a barrier between us. In a way I feel it’s her smell, which I don’t like. I 100% understand that she senses that I’m not into her, so this is also affecting her bonding with me.
She is a nice cat, don’t get me wrong. My boyfriend adores her.
I screwed up earlier this year because I found the perfect cat for me, but the SPCA wanted her to go with her sister. I have a small place and felt two cats was too much for me to handle. I hummed and hawed, until I said yes, and then when we went to the SPCA, they had both been adopted! I’m still angry at myself over that.
So, I continue being patient I guess, and do my best with this new cat.
Hun, if smell is an issue, you should try changing cat foods (so long as it’s safe to do so with the cat you have).
I know it may sound absolutely ridiculous, but every cat smells different, and then when you switch to a different cat food (especially from chicken to salmon for instance), that very same cat will smell different again. I kiss my cat often, so I really notice it. Back when we first took Avery in, I couldn’t stand his smell, though I was bonded with him nonetheless. I changed his cat food to see if that helped a little (and with the smells in the litter box) and it did.
Switched to something from the same brand but with a different base ingredient – from chicken (which is usually terribly smelly for some reason) to salmon. Give it a shot and if you notice a change, but it’s not quite a nice smell yet, switch to another cat food with a different base ingredient again. Could also be the litter if you’re not using the same one as the one you used with your old cat, so switch to the one you used to use if that’s changed.
With the rest of the bonding, if you think of anything else besides the smell that bothers you, let me know. There may be some simple fixes for things that feel like impossible or even “not the biggest” problems. It’s about working your way toward fixing as much as possible, so there’s as little friction as possible at home.
Thank you for the advice! I was actually thinking of changing her crunchies, as she doesn’t seem to enjoy them. I’ll see if she smells better after I do that. The good news is that she’s actually coming up to me asking for attention now. She hisses at me less. She often stares at me like my other cat used to do. I’m willing to give her more pets. So, things are improving.
Let me know how it goes with changing the crunchies. I love that she’s coming up to you and asking for attention now! Give her a little slow blink back when she stares at you – it’ll help foster a bit more of that good old fashioned bonding ;). I am so very glad things are improving and do let me know how things progress in the next few weeks/months! Nothing nicer than a cat’s anxiety dropping off and finally letting her guard down to become the doll she really is with the support of a great pet mama like you to help her. 🙂
I’m housing a cat for a co-worker. She’s homeless so I’m trying to do my part to help her as she figures things out. At first Simba (the cat) was fine. He did annoying cat things like climbing on the kitchen counters. I grew to accept that my apartment is small and he needs the room to play, so I got over it. I dislike his constant need to escape as he was formerly a stray. I’ve tried loving him and showering him with toys and lots of petting, but he acts like a jerk when I have guests. He gets too hyper and aggressive. The other day I tried to pick him up because he was attacking my cousin’s phone cord and he bit/clawed my arm. It drew blood, but it was fine. Later I tried petting him assuming he calmed down and he attacked me again. I was trying to be gentle, slow, and approachable but still he launched at me. Clawed both sides of my arm! I put him in my room for a 30min timeout so I could be with my cousin in peace. When the 30mins were up I discovered that he defecated on MY blanket on MY bed! He did it because he was angry at me, I’m sure. Now I’m angry at him. Understanding and empathy are out the window, I’ve begun to hate him. At this point I’m just ensuring that he has food and water. He’s blocked off from my room (he used to sleep on a second bed next to mine) and I’m avoiding physical contact; I refuse to give him affection. Honestly, I want to love him because he’s cute and always wants attention, but every time I look at him I think about what he did and it makes my blood boil. Opinions greatly appreciated.
As a side, he’s bit both my mom and he attacked my brother’s foot but never has he so blantantly attacked me nor has he ever defecated anywhere besides his litter box (which I give proper upkeep). He’s given me some surface scratches and bites, but never anything like this.
He probably left you a little present on your bed both because there was no litter box in your bedroom (and he needed to go) and a little out of resentment for locking him away from you.
Quite frankly, it sounds to me like the vast majority of the issues you have with him are because he desperately wants your attention always. There are some cats that really are attention seekers, and he sounds like one to me. It especially explains why he’s always acting up when you have guests over – he wants your attention and when they come, they “steal” your attention from him.
What you can do to resolve his issue with guests is simple – have them interact with him, but not by petting him, have them feed him or play with him in ways that need no physical contact. If he likes lasers, have them play with lasers with him. If not, grab a long pole feather toy so there’s some distance between them. Make sure guests feed him by putting food down on the floor in front of them, then when he’s finally comfortable with them, have them pet him.
It can get very lonely being the only cat and losing the attention of the only person who’s in the house, even if it’s for just a short while – when other humans are there, so I think getting the guests to pay him attention in ways that won’t hurt them so he realizes he can get their attention too will be a huge step in getting him to be better when people come over. He may even like all guests in due time.
For now, do your best to “reset” with your emotions for him. Imagine him as a little misunderstood kiddo who wants desperately for you and those around him to show him affection, but is terrible at knowing how to show you he wants the attention he needs. You sort of have to train him that you’re not going to leave him (he may have some abandonment issues already considering he’s somewhat lost his old best friend – your co-worker), and that you will give him attention if he asks in the right way – a non-violent way. When he gets hyper and aggressive and you need to move him, instead of picking him up directly, throw a towel over him so there’s something between you two and then take him to another room for a time out. Show him a little pity, because right now his world must feel really in flux and confusing. There’s a lot that’s new and cats aren’t good at dealing with changes, so he needs a little sympathy if you’ve got it in your heart.
In terms of jumping up on furniture and on kitchen counters, you can train him to stop doing this, but if you’re not likely to have him for longer than a couple months, it may not be worth it as it takes some time to train him.
Let me know how things go and if any of this was useful, and feel free to give me more details/frustrations if you think of any more.
Best of luck!
Your advice was very useful. I’m admittedly impatient so it’s a bit hard for me. When I have guests over now I’m giving him attention and when he’s hyper I redirect his energy on his toys and prompt my guests to do so as well. Today I babysat a child for 8 hours and Simba did great just being his normal self. He’s still not allowed in my room though, haha partially cause he pooped in there and partially cause I don’t like cat hair all over my blanket. Thanks for the help, next I’m buying him a feathered stick. Thanks again!
So glad the advice helped! Sounds to me like you’re doing exactly what he needs, especially that bit about playing with him and getting your guests to do so whenever he’s hyperactive. So proud of him for behaving well for the full 8 hours you were babysitting, that’s a pretty big accomplishment! Totally understand the sentiment of not wanting cat hair all over blankets and pillows – if only there were an easy way to keep the fluffy stuff from getting absolutely everywhere they go! Thanks for doing your best to help Simba, and so glad it looks like your effort is already paying off 🙂
Right now my cat is driving me up the wall. I haven’t slept in a really long time. He’s pretty good throughout the day, but he has this habit of scratching the carpet under the door way or scratching the door. We live in a rented apartment and this stresses me out so much. I have anxiety with open doors, I don’t know why, so Ive tried to teach him to either stay out or stay in but it doesn’t seem to work. I’ve tried cat detergent sprays, the draft sealer for the door, and even leaving the door open, but I haven’t really slept in a while because of that.
I’m so sorry about this. Anxiety is terribly frustrating to deal with – add the poor sleep and I’m sure anyone would be driven up a wall.
I’m not sure what would be best to recommend because I don’t have anxiety over open doors, so please let me know if any of these suggestions won’t work. I do know that many cats have issues with doors being closed, as they like to move freely between rooms even when they don’t need anything from either room. That being said here are a few options that may work out:
1. At night, move everything your cat could want (litter, water, food if you leave it out, and toys) in your room. If your cat stops asking to leave, the issue was that he wanted something from outside the room, so leave these items or duplicates of them in your room when you sleep.
2. If you’re okay with sleeping with the door open a tiny crack, see if this fixes the problem. As long as he can still get in and out, it shouldn’t matter to him that the door is only slightly open.
3. If you’re not okay leaving the door open a tiny crack, do your best to train your cat to stay outside and stop scratching at night by literally ignoring your cat while you are inside sleeping. Do not go out and give him cuddles, do not yell or scold him, do nothing. Also make sure that you are not feeding your cat at night or in the morning, as he may think if he bothers you enough you will feed him. Change feeding times to start right before you leave for work and feed him right before you head off for bed. After a week or so ignoring him scratching at night, hopefully your cat will learn that these bad behaviours are absolutely no good at getting him in. In the meantime, I’d advise investing in a white-noise machine or an air purifier that will create white noise. These *really* helped me drown out noise when I used to have issues with Avery trying to get into my room at night when he was a kitten. Now that he’s older, he’s settled down, but I still find the air purifier very helpful for when I need to drown out other noises (like outside ones).
I really hope you find a solution, best of luck!
I totally relate to this. I really hate my cat, though I still take average care of him. Here’s why. My apartment is really small, and when I’m off from work he would follow me every where I go, he demands to see me and I to see him every minute. I try to spend some time playing with him everyday, but apparently 20-30 minutes per day is not enough for him. He would running around gnarling and scratching things, which annoys the hell out of me since I just want silence to focus on my art projects. But my girlfriend who visits me on a weekly basis is very fond of him, in fact she is the one who picked him up on the street and I, idiot as I am, offered to take him in. I’m afraid it would break her heart if I give him away. Please give me some advice.
I don’t understand: since your girlfriend sounds like the one who bonded with him, why isn’t she the one who took him in?
It sounds to me if it’s impossible to have him be at her place, you’ve got a lot of work to do with training him out of behaviours you hate and keeping his boredom levels down. You should also check out my article on cats who want way too much attention, as that sounds a lot like your cat based on what you’ve told me.
I’d start with training him not to scratch furniture – here’s a guide while simultaneously testing out some of these methods to keep boredom levels down, including buying and scattering around the house as many cat toys he can play with by himself as you can.
I’d try things like playing the radio in my absence, to help out a little with the separation anxiety he seems to feel while you’re gone. And maybe more regular visits from your girlfriend, or even having him spend weekends at her place, if that’s at all possible? So he can get some much-craved attention without bothering you.
Not sure what to recommend besides since I don’t know what would work out best without knowing more about your situation, but all roads lead to the very same: your cat is bored and lonely, and thus using you as a lifeline for curing that boredom and loneliness. If you can fix those things (and of course, train away the scratching and possibly other annoying habits, which isn’t a hard thing at all!) you should both be a lot happier.
Oh, forgot to mention – if you sit while doing your art projects, try training him to sit in your lap while you do them. Or to sit in your lap while you’re gaming or at the computer or watching Netflix or whatever you do. Do this by feeding snacks very regularly and consistently while keeping him in your lap, eventually he’ll get used to the idea that your lap is a happy place filled with the potential for food. My cat used to whine for my attention SO much, now it’s less, and if I simply pick him up and place him in my lap he settles down. Sometimes they just want attention, and we think they want play – that’s honestly not always the case though they may bait you to run after them by misbehaving or some other way. They just don’t know how to tell you what they really want is just your attention – even if it’s not active attention – which is why sitting in your lap alone often does the trick.
Good luck! Let me know how it goes.
Hi Elise. Thank you very much for your reply. Eventually we broke up and she relocated the cat to her friend’s family, who already had 2 cats. I think it’s the best for him since he will have a more spacious house and all-day companies 🙂
Sounds like a happy ending for him to me!