Don’t have quite the cuddliest cat in the world? Were hoping to have a nice snuggle with your feline friend here or there but are finding it’s just not happening? Wish your pet liked to be petted more?
While it’s not always possible, it’s likely that you can turn your cat into at least a little more snuggly version of him or herself.
Just use some of the ideas below, which are all easy to do, and your cat will hopefully begin to be more happy with petting and cuddles in no time.
Your ultimate goal is to help your cat associate “happy” and “good” with being pet.
This takes time, especially if you have a particularly grumpy/non-affectionate, or even standoffish cat, but in my opinion, it’s completely possible to train every cat to be at least a little more snuggly and happy about being pet.
Not every cat is the same, and thus, some of the following tips may work for your cat, others may not.
Continue to use the ones your cat seems to like, and don’t use ones he or she appears to dislike in any way.
Also, a word of advice: When you first start off the process of trying to make your cat happy to be more snuggly, don’t pick your cat up when you’re petting him/her.
Cats barely like to be picked up as is.
If you associate petting with being picked up – it’s not going to help you in your quest to associate “happy” and “good” with petting.
Without further ado, the specific ways you can train your cat to be more snuggly:
Ways to Train Your Cat to Be More Snuggly
1. Pet your cat while he/she is sitting down calmly at the window.
The worst time to try to pet a cat is when he or she is stressed, anxious, wired, alert, in hunting mode, or just not in down-time mode essentially.
If your cat is sitting calmly and coolly at the window, on the sofa, or any other place really, that’s the ideal time to try to go in for a gentle, non-threatening pet.
Do try to only pet once or twice, maybe three times, initially, to make sure you don’t bother your cat and take him or her out of the calm and relaxed state of mind, but a small number of pets shouldn’t be completely unwelcome if your cat is really calm.
2. If your cat really likes to be brushed, pet your cat very gently while you are brushing him/her.
Some cats hate being brushed initially because they aren’t used to the sensation, or they don’t like the particular brush you happen to be using.
Other cats take to brushing at once, really learn to love being pet over time, or obsess over a specific cat brush and adore being groomed whenever it’s used.
Having trouble getting a cat to like being groomed? I’ve had luck with really particular brushes.
My sensitive short hairs love the Kong Zoom Groom, and my sensitive long haired cats, who often have mats in their fur and hate being brushed if their hair is pulled/tugged at too much by a brush, adore the Furminator Bath Brush.
Personally? My favourite brush by far is the Furminator Long Hair, which I use on both my long and short haired cats. It’s so good at getting out all the shed fur!
That being said, I’m happy when my cats are happy being groomed, so usually, I stick to their favourite brushes.
If you have a cat who loves being brushed but isn’t much of a fan of petting or snuggling, give your kitty a gentle pet while brushing him or her so you can begin to associate the happy emotions he or she gets out of being brushed with being pet as well.
3. Right before you put down food for your cat, pet your cat a little bit, then put down the food.
What creature on earth doesn’t love food and being fed? Eating is vital to our survival, so it makes sense we enjoy it so much and are incredibly happy when we are fed – same goes for cats.
If you pet your cat really gently and not for too long right before meals, your cat may begin to associate petting with getting food, which is definitely an incredibly positive experience.
4. Pet your cat (not on the head or face, but on his/her back/sides) while he/she is eating.
Some cats absolutely hate this, and if your cat shows signs of discomfort or disliking petting while he or she is eating, definitely don’t continue to do it.
If your cat is merely a little surprised, or is perfectly receptive to the petting, however, you should be able to get away with petting him or her while he or she eats if it’s done gently and doesn’t distract from the eating in any way.
Again, the goal is to associate petting with happy feelings and emotions, and there’s rarely a happier moment than when a cat is eating his or her meal, so this type of interaction should go a long way in getting a cat more comfortable being cuddled.
5. Make sure you play with your cat regularly (at least once a day).
Sometimes cats are aggressive simply because they haven’t had enough play time, so it’s incredibly important to make sure your cat gets out all his or her hunter energy when you’re in the process of training your cat to be more snuggly. It’s not an easy thing to remember, but it’s important to do.
I find it’s also really, really handy to have a slew of toys cats can play with by themselves strewn all over the house, especially in areas they generally hang out in, as if you’re busy or not even at home because you’re out or at work, they can still have some place to take out their hunter-drive energy.
The big hits in my household: cat springs, ball track toys, & kick sticks. Hands down the best toys in my cats’ eyes.
So important in my opinion for them to be able to get this out on their own if they can, especially because – in my experience – they will typically use things you don’t want attacked (like wires, curtains, toilet rolls and the like), as a replacement for a self-play cat toy if they don’t know what else to do with themselves.
My cats’ unanimous favourite toy they can play with by themselves? The ridiculously affordable Spot Ethical Pet Cat Springs.
They’re an absolute godsend, and while each cat has their favourites besides these (like ball track toys, for instance the Petstages Tower of Tracks or kick toys like the KONG Kickeroo), all love and use the springs absolutely the most.
6. Give your cat a snack while simultaneously petting him/her.
Now, don’t over-give snacks, but a bite of one or two pieces of kibble should definitely go a long way in reassuring your kitty that incredibly good things can happen when he or she is being pet.
7. Pet your cat gently while he/she is comfortably asleep.
Cats are typically much more receptive to snuggles, cuddles, and affection in general while they’re calm and already snuggled in for a sit or a nap.
If you’ve never tried to approach your cat with a gentle pet while he or she is sitting down calmly at the window or having a nap, give it a try and see how it goes.
Don’t make too much of a fuss, and stop petting before he or she gets tired of it, but a few strokes here or there without disturbing your cat while he or she is already at ease should be a good introduction to the process of training a cat to be more cuddly and snuggly.
8. Place your cat in your lap, then immediately give a treat to reward him/her for being there.
This is a more advanced step, and one that works really well if your cat is somewhat used to your touch, but doesn’t like cuddling in your lap as much as cuddling when he or she is on a more firm, stable surface, like the bed, the floor or the couch.
Placing your cat in your lap then immediately giving a treat will help your cat begin to associate being in your lap with the potential of really good things (yummy snacks!) coming his or her way, which should go a long way in helping your cat associate your lap with fond, happy memories.
9. If your cat stays in your lap, confused and hoping for another treat, give your cat another treat to reward him/her for staying there.
Basically if your cat doesn’t stay in your lap for more than a second, that’s completely okay.
Let your cat have the free reign to jump off your lap whenever he or she wants.
If he or she tries to chance things and hangs around, hoping for another treat, give one after a couple seconds to prove that longer time spent just means more chance at kibble, which will feel amazingly rewarding to your kitty.
Not only will jumping into your lap begin to feel positive, but staying and sitting in your lap will as well.
10. Pet your cat, then immediately give your cat unexpected treats throughout the day.
If you begin to surprise your cat with unexpected pets and treats throughout the day, this should definitely go a long way in helping your cat associate seeing you with happy thoughts of potentially getting food.
If your cat loves catnip, a specific kind of kibble (tuna flavoured?), a dental treat, or even a little teeny piece of the plain chicken you cook for your dinner, give a tiny bit of what you have (making sure it’s healthy to do first!), with a little pet before or during your gift.
Your cat should begin to start associating those positive feelings he or she gets when she has something he or she truly loves to eat with the act of being pet.
11. Especially if your cat hates being picked up, give your kitty a treat each time you pick him/her up.
Yes, this will likely mean carrying cat treats in your pocket, or grabbing some before you go to pick him/her up.
Still, it’s important, especially if you have a cat who hates being picked up even for short spurts at all costs.
Your cat will begin to associate being picked up with “this may mean food!” which should go a long way in helping you associate being picked up with a less negative thing (which is likely the loss of control (who would want that?).
The second thing I typically do when cats aren’t fans of being picked up is to practice picking up a cat for only very short periods of time, to get kitty used to the idea that he or she won’t be in my arms for long at all, and they’re going to be free again very, very soon if I pick them up.
I’ll put them down maybe three seconds after I pick them up to get them used to the sensation of being picked up, without all the stress of them possibly feeling like I’m going to keep them there for what feels like forever.
I will also absolutely always put them down the second they start to look, feel, or meow that they’re unhappy or uncomfortable. Thus, they begin to develop the idea that being held by me doesn’t mean being trapped, and they can control when I put them down really easily themselves.
But I Don’t Want My Cat to Be Overweight!
Yes, a lot of the tips and tricks in this article are kibble related, but because I use this simple trick to prevent overfeeding, I’ve never had issues with my own cat, Avery, gaining extra weight before and I know if I stick to using this trick, I never will.
Don’t feel like checking out the article I linked to? Just want the shtick?
Basically, measure out your cat’s food portions (including all meals and treats) from the start of the day, have all this food in one or two containers, and only feed your cat from this portion for the entirety of the day.
If you never pull out any extra, your cat is eating the right amount each and every single day no matter how many times you pull out the feeding jar.
Note that you can get away with feeding a cat snacks that aren’t cat food, and maintain tip top health, if all snacks combined (including dental treats) don’t equal over 10% of your cat’s calories consumed per day.
Want to make sure you never even remotely near hit this in one fell swoop without limiting yourself to never giving out treats? Buy a kibble different from your cat’s standard meal and use that as a “snack” food.
I like to use a kibble that’s by the same brand I am currently using for main meals, but with a different protein source (like salmon if my main food is chicken), since it’s advisable to give cats food from multiple protein sources to keep them in the best shape long term.
More Ways to Train a Cat to Be Snuggly?
I’m betting after having seen my ideas for ways to train your cat to be more snuggly, you’ve thought up some of your own!
Share them with me in the comments so we can help other cat owners who are trying to help their cat to be a little happier about being pet.
You’d likely be helping a lot of cat owners with your advice!
We have a six year old cat. She prefers to lay by herself in a separate room from us. At night she will sleep with us. She’s not cuddly at all, in fact she’ll swat at you sometimes. Any ideas on how to get her to be more affectionate and less standoffish.
Do we think that cats get more affectionate with age? Our kitty is 11 months old and for the first 5/6 months she was very affectionate- sat with us/on us and would come and sleep on me whilst watching films or my partner was working from home. She is still affectionate in her own way- meow sand chats to us, likes to be in the same room as us and rubs against our legs. She likes strokes and grooming when on her cat beds and comes to us during the night for snuggles but she has gradually become more independent and less receptive to being pet. Do you think she’ll go back to being more affectionate as she ages and mellows? Elise- what were your kitties like before they started to become affectionate?
My kitten (11 months old) does the kneading thing while sucking on my neck when he wants to cuddle. Also he gets very mad at me when he doesn’t get what he wants. If I take something away from him that he can’t have or he wants to go out on his leach then he jumps on my legs and and bites me between his nails and teeth I have taken out stock I Curad bandaids 😀 any suggestions?
My formerly feral female cat hates being picked up,she won’t tolerate it, she will start to scratch and struggle to get out of my arms. I want her to be more snuggly so am reading this.
When she first came to my home she would follow me everywhere , won’t leave my side and would sit on my lap all the time. She just wouldn’t leave me as she only knew me as I fed her when she was in the street. Now she is comfortable in her house and likes to be pet but hates cuddles, my mom wants to cuddle her but she won’t tolerate. And I also want to cuddle and hug her pick her up so I will try this tips. Hopefully she will change anr become more affectionate!
As a tip for cats who don’t like to be put into laps: try placing a folded blanket on your lap first, then trying to place the cat on your lap.
I feel like a lot of cats who hate being in laps don’t like the instability or lack of flatness of legs, so this typically helps in my experience.
Good luck! Let me know how it goes.
Don’t give up hope. When I got my litter mate kittens, the little girl barely made it in the door before she was in my lap purring. By contrast, her brother flinched whenever you tried to pet him, which was puzzling since I know the very kind foster family who had cared for them from birth. It took several years but Bro, while still not a lap cat, is now very affectionate and badgers us constantly for belly rubs and ear scratches. Now if I can just make his sweet-faced, super-jealous little sister stop making his life a misery we’ll really make some progress.
Thank you for the tips. My 10 month old kitty is nothing like the snuggler I brought home as a handful of fluff. He does love treats, and his favourite toys are pompous. His first was one he chewed off of my bedroom slipper. I bought him a bag of his own at the dollar store. They tend to disappear.
One of my cats passed away suddenly & I’m missing a snuggle cat. I have 3 & none are cuddly. All were strays we got at a shelter. Is there anything I can do since they’re older?
Molly lets you pet her when she’s in the mood, although that’s on her schedule. She likes the occasional tummy rub. I’m not so much worried about her.
Zoe we got when she was about 16 weeks. She’s now 3. Someone found her when she was about 8 weeks on the side of the road. The shelter made sure she was in good health, including spayed before she could be adopted. She hated the shelter despite their best efforts. They tried to pet her as much as possible, but she barely acknowledged them. They had her in the open cat room & she was terrified, she preferred a large dog size crate. When we adopted her, they thought she’s blossom in the right home, and she did. She was by my side for about 2 weeks, until she realized there was a whole house & other cats who would play with her. Now, she often runs if you try to pick her up. She looks back & waits. She expects you to play or toss a toy. When she’s relaxing, and she will do it next to me, she’s a toss up as to whether she wants petted or not. Usually one or 2 is okay, but even that sometimes makes her jump down. Usually, she’s looking for a toy.
Cozette is 9. She was a stray brought to a shelter at about a year old & we adopted her when she was about 2. For the first few weeks she loved being petted, then she took a liking to only my mom for cuddles. She has zero problem getting near me for food. In fact she’ll get right in my face & often expects to be hand fed. Maybe she’ll let me stroke her once or twice. She’ll sometimes sit by me for a little bit, but you can tell she isn’t relaxed. That only happens on occasion. Even then, 5 strokes are the maximum, usually it’s 2.5. She’ll gladly play with me, especially the laser pointer. I know she’s attached.’
I have a rare disease that causes frequent anaphylaxes & almost constant allergic reactions. If someone else is home, she will relentlessly pace & meow at them if she senses I need meds, before I show signs anyone, including myself, can detect. During anaphylaxis, it’s the same, but even more intense. If she starts staring at me from a specific spot, I know to check myself, especially if she refuses to play. You can see her tension trying to decide to get help or not leave me. My others will alert too, but not like her. Cozette actually whacked one on the head for trying to play one night when she was watching me. Molly quickly got the message & alerted me too. I needed epi 5 minutes later.
I just really miss someone who would let me pet her. Is there anything I can do?
In my experience, I have learned that male cats are more affectionate and cuddly. I had a male Siamese Snowshoe, he was the best cat ever. Smart and very affectionate with me. Try getting a male kitten. But you have to be his human. Good luck on your journey.
My brother and sister kitties are so different that you have to wonder if they’re from the same species, never mind the same litter. She was looking for a lap pretty much from day one. It’s taken three years to get him to let us pet him and he still won’t sit on a lap, although now you have to make sure you don’t walk on him as he flops in front of you for a belly rub! With some cats, you have to be patient. (And she rarely says a word while he’s a cat of a thousand words. Go figure).
I got my cat Bonnie when she was 3 years old. For the first week she would hide in the closet. I started taking her out of the closet while talking to her in a quiet soothing voice. Now 2 years later, she jumps up into my lap and pushes my book or whatever I am holding with her nose to get rid of it. Her bed is on my bed. She will wrap her body around my head on the pillow and drape her paws over my face. She follows me everywhere and gets up on the sink so that I can carry her to our chair. Is she spoiled or what? lol
I’m so envious !!
I’m a “DOG” person ..but was “gifted” a tiny little refugee/feral/Calico kitten now about 18 months and I adore her .. she is VERY attached to me .. and wants to be wherever I am at all times .. BUT no picking up or cuddles allowed .. except at bedtime !! Then she will climb in with me and literally “spoon -purrrring loudly” it’s just the best .. but that’s the only time I’m spoilt .. suspect she had a hard beginning to her life .. so I accept it .. but sadly I cannot see her changing …
BUT will be content knowing that am the ONLY person in her life !!! Guess I’ll have to settle 😿
I just stumbled upon this post on Pinterest! I wonder if you could give me some advice? I rescued my son when he was 8 months old; I don’t know anything of his life before but he was in rough shape when I found him.
He has some behavioural issues … I did not mind so much when his with me, but I moved to Canada from Australia for a bit and am waiting to bring him over. In the mean time, my parents are looking after him and his behaviour is the same.
Lukie gets what I call “wild eyes” lol when they’re dilated, he turns into a little lion and is quite aggressive. He isn’t a particularly active guy; almost 4 years old now. I thought he would mellow out with age but no so far. He will just go mental randomly! Quite affectionate and loves attention; he has bonded with my dad and me, and I do believe that he thinks of the three of us as his pack and just acts like he would if we are cats too. It’s only my dad and me who he “plays” this way with. More affectionate with us than anyone else, but then more aggressive too.
I managed to train him to stop at night, once I’m in bed and lights are out, he knows it’s bed time, and I’m comfortable being tough on him when he’s being too rough and silly. But my dad is struggling … he will lock him away in the garage for hours sometimes but I don’t think that’s the best solution.
We’ve tried Feliway in the house to help keep him calm if he’s doing it out of stress, but didn’t really notice a difference. I don’t think he is doing it out of stress but love, which sounds odd lol. I’m wondering if you can give me some tips on how to deal with him best?
Cats are active at night… they are nocturnal. All you need to do is put out interactive toys for him to play with . Each cats prefer different toys, but I have an automatic laser light that I turn on right before bed, she chases it around until it stops. You can put out other toys and see what happens.
This is typical cat behavior and should be expected. They will cycle through affection / hunting, playing / sleeping, eating modes throughout the day. When mine is is hunting/ playing mode I toss her a toy, I don’t try to pet or cuddle her. This is the nature of cats. Simple.
Night time isn’t the problem; it’s his aggression during the day I wanted advice on how best to manage. How do I know if that’s just his personality, or he does it out of anger or stress?
My previous cat had this as well. We never trained or raised him ourselves, but rescued him also around the same age as your cat. With our current cat I noticed he doesn’t do that and my guess is because we trained him on playing together. Maybe you could look into retraining your cat on play time, so e.g. let him know when he’s hurting you and stop the game immediately. If you’re playing with a toy, make sure he ‘wins’ at the end by being able to catch it and don’t play with him with your hands or feet, but always with a toy. Also maybe he’s a bit more wild cat still and he could be frustrated. Try if his behaviour improved with more exercise and play time? Good luck!
do what i do, wear a dark scarf and .. i guess the material of my scarf reminds my cat of her mommy and she tries to knead milk from my scarf .. and shes very sweet and loving while shes trying to get milk, until she finally gives up after about 15 mnutes!
What a doll!
My boy cat is more snuggly then the little girl but when she wants her attention she
Comes and gets it lol. Both my cats are wonderful creatures and my boy cat is very vocal. I pretty much do what is suggested but the cat treats they don’t like. But they are entertaining to me and yes they find themselves out of boredom while playing with their toys. I put them away to clean and they dump the basket over and play.
Hi, I have a question for you! I found two kittens by the side of the road, and they are about 10 weeks old and terrified of people. One is more trusting than the other, but they both run if I try to slowly approach. How do I get through to these kittens? I’ve had them for over two weeks and have made little to no progress.
Heyya Sally! Try going through my article on how to train your cat to stop running away form you – those tips should help you more than these. Let me know if you have any trouble/further questions!
Use food in your hand and if that don’t work, try treats or tunafish juice, he will smell it and come near you then you can pet him.
I train my cats starting with the first time we meet by making a noise (periodic clucking or a blown kiss) whenever they are purring. After a short period of time they associate that noise with good feelings. I then use that noise whenever I want them to feel assured. My cats start purring whenever they hear that sound and run to me. I continue to use that sound whenever I know they are particularly please to keep the association strong.
Too sweet 🙂
I do small kissy noises at Avery whenever he meows at me to ask, “Where are you?” or to call him over to come to me. Haven’t tried a noise while he’s purring but my guess is they understand when you make the noise, it’s you saying you love them 🙂
I always joke that my cat hates me because she growls whenever I pick her up. However, I’m pretty sure she’s just a hands off hang out with me kind of cat. She likes to be petted but only for as long as she says so… She seeks me out when hungry or thirsty, lays around in the same room as I am, usually near my feet or on the back of the couch. I recently found her even laying at the foot of my bed comfortably ! She plays a game, or so I think where she tries to beat me up or down the stairs. She follows me around just isn’t interested In sitting on my lap, or being picked up, or really petted much. Am I on the right track I’m thinking that’s just her personality? I really love her 💖
She honestly sounds like she really loves you, but just isn’t comfortable being petted or picked up as of yet. I do find a lot of cats change over time, as they get more comfortable with their owners, especially if their owners are careful to pet them and give them affection in ways they’re happy with and understanding when they have had enough” so to speak. My mum’s cat Walker is something like your cat – only wants petting on his terms and is never a fan of being picked up (unless he needs to be transported, in which case, it’s okay temporarily as long as you put him down straight away once you’re done moving him). He’s gotten more and more cuddly over the years and now even sleeps in the same bed with my mum and comes to cuddle on the sofa when she’s watching TV – things he never did as a kitten. Some things I doubt will ever change – like his aversion to being picked up while being snuggled, but a lot of cats have issue with that in particular. Other things, like his desire to be pet for longer and longer, I think are likely to happen with your cat, too over time. Definitely take the fact that your cat tries to beat you up or down the stairs and follows you from room to room to keep you company as a sign she loves you quite a heck of a lot, too 😉 She sounds like an absolute sweetie! 🙂 🙂
We have a cat exactly like this, that growls. Not a mean cat, likes being petted, just hates being held and won’t stay in lap. Giving him Treats works a little, but then he gets aggressive wanting more treats. Odd thing our grand daughter discovered, he loves being under towels or pillowcases or under boxes. So now we put him in lap and covered with towel and he settles for five minutes or so. Big progress. I’ve seen it called swaddling. It works. We can do anything to him if he is wrapped in a towel.
That’s really great advice, Warner! I’ve found cats prefer to be in laps if you cover your lap in a blanket, but I don’t think I’ve ever tried swaddling before. Such a good tip, and makes so much sense that it would work! I’ll do my best to remember to pass on this advice as it’s excellent 🙂
(avery is darling) my dear rosalind was super shy until our brushing ritual (she must set the pace)…lets us feel close. she eats royal canin calm, little more laid back now. i know patience and every little kindness counts big with her. if she’ll never be a lapcat, i’ll appreciate our close moments all the more
That’s too sweet 🙂
Thank you for sharing about your cat! Enjoy every minute with her 🙂
Wish people had this much patience with foster kids 🙂
Me too 🙁
Just came across your blog this morning and I have already read through 90% of them. Such a great resource for cat-parents. Thank you!
I recently adopted a shelter cat who developed an upper respiratory infection within days of being home. Even though he has fully recovered, my once overly affectionate lap cat has become more inclined to sitting on his own blanket. He’s also developed a tendency to bite in response to being cuddled and a tendency to bite whilst I sleep.
I had to take him to the vet three times in the first two weeks of bringing him home and, although it helped tremendously, he loathed having the humidifier on!
Although some of the behaviors are improving (with a great deal of effort from my side), I feel like my little boy was so stressed out from being sick and having me trying to make him feel better that he has lost trust in me.
Your blogs have given me faith that I can win over my little guy, and have him be the cuddly lap-buddy he once was.
Thank you!
Thanks, Rooksaar, and thanks for your follow up question by email!
For anyone else in a similar boat, I spoke about Rooksaar’s situation in my post about cats’ behavioural changes after being sick here.
I have a former stray and she is amazing. And I learned a lot from her vet. Cats seldom like to be on their back when held. So hold them tummy down with one arm supporting the hind end as well as the front. Much like a football or baby hold.
Makes the cat feel safe from falling. Its also more comfortable. If you don’t support part of the body it hangs by its weight and hurts. And always trim claws before the bath lol. 🙂
That’s very true – the way you hold a cat makes so much difference!
I know this article is very well-intentioned, but on behalf of the cats, I must respectfully disagree. Cats that do not enjoy being pet should not be pet. My cats do not enjoy being pet but they enjoy head scratches. I haven’t met a cat yet that doesn’t enjoy this and pet owners can give to their cats in this way. There are studies that show that when cats are trained to receive petting they have high levels of cortisol in their blood. Please do not cause your kitties this stress.
I found my cat at the supermarket.
When lying down, she was very afraid when I touched her, and started biting.
It took me 2 years to be able to touch her when lying down.
So you have to be patient.
Definitely true of many stray and feral kitties, it does take a good while for many of them to warm up, great advice! 🙂
We had to do this with our cat Misha! After adopting her at the shelter, she was very stand-offish and afraid. We think she may have been abused or had a bad life before coming to us, so we had to take it really slow and gentle. She’s still very shy, but two years of nothing but love and affection have done wonders, and she regularly sits next to me when I’m working for a quick cuddle.
That’s amazing! Love seeing progress; no matter how small at first it really does get a lot better over time!