It’s one thing to joke about a cat hating you, and quite another when you suspect your own resident feline genuinely has it in for you. Cats are not the easiest creatures to read.
They’re certainly not clear communicators like dogs, and so while it may be stressful feeling your cat dislikes you, it may be even more difficult determining whether your intuitions are correct. I’m going to do my best to help with that.
If you’ve had your cat a while and feel he or she suddenly hates you, if there’s been a distinct personality shift, there is 100% something up with your cat.
It’s important you find out what that is and take steps to fix it. I’ll go over troubleshooting in this article – but know that once the problem is identified and fixed, your cat should go back to normal.
But even if you haven’t had your cat long at all – if you’re a new cat owner concerned your recently adopted cat’s personality just isn’t meshing well with yours, possibly even to the extent where you’re regretting your decision to adopt, hold off worrying for a second.
I wholeheartedly believe even if you’re not currently on the same page, there are plenty of things you can do to remedy the situation.
Strengthening your bond, or creating one where none previously existed, is possible with any cat – no matter his or her temperament.
I’d like to state for the record here: I will never personally believe any cat that acts in a way that resembles hatred toward a human actually does hate that person.
I believe hostility can spring up in pets, but when it does, it hasn’t got much to do with the human.
Rather, I think negative behaviours can become the norm when a cat’s needs are somehow being misunderstood or going unmet.
In my opinion, there’s always something happening behind the scenes, something triggering a cat to behave in hostile ways to one or more people, and therefore there’s always plenty that can be done to rectify the situation.
Identification is the first step, then fixing the problem. After that’s done, there’s no way in my mind a cat will continue to act like he or she hates you. But let’s start at the very beginning..
My Cat Likes Other People, But Doesn’t Seem to Like Me
This section isn’t at all about cat hate, but I’m guessing many who feel their cats hate them will actually be in this boat instead. Honestly, if this is you – don’t sweat it. You have the simplest and easiest fixes of them all.
If a cat’s hostility is directed elusively at you, there’s probably something about you that bothers your cat.
It could be down to wearing strong perfume, smelling like a cat he or she is not a fan of, even stealing attention away from “favourite” humans is often enough to make a cat seem like he or she resents you, when it really just comes down to that cat wanting more attention.
Try to figure out what your cat may have a problem with about you. But if there’s no obvious issue, taking these two simple steps will help you build a bond with absolutely any cat ever given time:
- Start feeding the cat, and
- Start playing with the cat.
Do this daily and, if possible, be the only person who does the feeding; you’ll be off to an amazing start.
Cat seem to dislike everyone besides one person? Your cat probably just doesn’t like people very much – and doesn’t have a friendly temperament.
But if that cat likes someone he or she can also grow to like other people.
How can you help this cat like you too? Two steps:
- Take over feeding and playing duties from now on, and
- Observe how the “favourite” person picks up, pets, speaks to, and just in general interacts with this cat and do your best to interact with the cat in exactly the same way.
Does My Cat Hate Me?
Misinterpreting Regular Cat Behaviours
There are quite a lot of behaviours that are true to some extent of nearly all cats that could lend themselves to making a human believe a cat doesn’t care for them.
These include:
- Not responding at all when called,
- Running away from you when you go near him/her,
- Not making an effort to be near their owners,
- Frequently disliking cuddles, affection, and petting,
- Only becoming excited when food is involved,
- Not looking you in the eye,
- Scratching and potentially destroying furniture,
- Hissing or biting when you try to rub a belly or other sensitive body part,
..and of course there are plenty more.
If you’ve got a cat who’s acting in a “normal” cat way and you’re attributing these behaviours to your cat disliking or even hating you, please don’t.
Cats are a unique species, and if you’re looking for a pet that shows you constant affection, dedication, and an obvious form of love, you probably should have opted to adopt a dog.
Obviously, not every cat will ignore his or her owner when called, will viciously scratch up furniture, and will dislike being pet on his or her belly.
But many cats will have some or even all of these traits, especially when you first take them in.
Over time, it’s completely possible to get your cat to be more snuggly, to scratch much less if at all on furniture you don’t want scratched, and your cat may even come around when it comes to being pet on his or her tummy.
But these things take time and training. More on this will be discussed in the last section of this article, “How Can I Get My Cat to Like Me?”
When Something Might Actually Be Wrong
Now, if the first section is irrelevant to you because your cat is actually showing signs of hating you that exceed normal, “anti-social” cat behaviour, you may have a case that your cat currently dislikes you strongly, or that something else is wrong.
If so, what’s wrong needs to be identified and then remedied.
Behaviours that aren’t normal for a cat and likely indicate something is wrong include:
- Hissing at you without instigation (without you having done something that might have bothered your cat first),
- Being aggressive: biting, scratching, or hitting you, again without instigation,
- Peeing outside his or her litter box, like on objects around the house,
- Coughing up a lot of hairballs,
- Vomiting regularly anywhere in or out of the house,
- “Trying to escape” by attempting to run out the door,
- Wreaking havoc on things in your house,
- A dramatic personality shift, from well-tempered to ill-tempered in any way, &
- A sudden dislike for being cuddled and petted, where your cat used to like this treatment before.
If any of the above or similar are reflective of your cat’s behaviours, your cat is upset over something, which you need to discover.
You may feel that your cat hates you, but what you need to understand is that…
Why Would My Cat Hate Me?
Cats don’t really hate you; what they hate is something about their particular situation, living environment, or physical status/well being, and in response to that frustration, they are acting out at you.
What could be wrong?
- Your cat could be sick.
- Your cat could need more play/need more exercise.
- Your cat may be hurt/injured.
- Your cat may dislike a change in his or her environment.
- Your cat might be bored.
The only way to remedy the situation is to figure out what’s wrong and resolve the issue behind the acting out. How can you do this?
Step 1:
Take your cat to the vet and have him or her checked out.
Make sure to tell your vet about the specific behaviours that worry you, as these can be enormous clues that help your vet discover what’s wrong.
Cat peeing outside the litter box, for instance? Your cat may have a UTI.
Vomiting a lot? There may be something less than ideal about your cat’s current diet.
Taking your cat to the vet is an enormously important first step to making sure nothing is wrong with your cat from a health perspective.
Step 2:
Check your cat’s body to determine whether he or she has a cut or bruise.
Especially in cases where your cat used to be happy to be pet, but is recoiling from your touch all of a sudden.
Most cats aren’t a fan of being touched if they have a scrape or bruise somewhere on their body.
Step 3:
Try playing with your cat more frequently, and for longer bouts of time to see if the behavioural issues disappear once enough exercise and play time is increased.
You may also want to switch to high-intensity cat exercise toys, as, while many cat toys help cats stay mentally active, some do a much better job than others at helping them release their energy.
Releasing more energy through play can often help resolve hissing and bouts of violence, as if your cat isn’t getting his or her hunt on during play time, he or she may begin hunting you.
Step 4:
Think of any changes that may have happened in your cat’s environment.
Did you move? Kitty may not yet be comfortable in his or her new home. Did you get your cat a sibling? Your old cat may not like the fact that there’s a newbie in the family.
Try to resolve the specific issue by looking up exactly the change that’s been made in your environment.
Need help fixing an issue, but can’t find any resources? Leave a comment down below and I can help by doing the research for you.
Step 5:
Fix any boredom your cat might be feeling by using any of the cat entertainment tips in this article you find easy to implement.
Also try adding as many cat toys kitties can play with by themselves to your cat’s environment, and again, upping play times.
Step 6:
Cat starved for attention and misbehaving to get more of it?
Learn how to identify whether your cat simply wants more attention and how to remedy attention-seeking here.
How Can I Get My Cat to Like Me?
As I’ve stated many times in this article, identify and resolve the issue behind your cat’s negative behaviour and your cat will be well on his or her way to liking you again.
Imagine having a massive problem – with your health, with a lack of exercise, with way too much boredom, or whatever else the problem may be – that is completely out of your control and you personally cannot fix.
I’m guessing you’d be pretty grumpy and act like you hate everyone around you, too.
Cat behaving in a “normal” cat way, but you’d prefer it if your cat was less anti-social and/or more well behaved? Time to start training!
Here are a few articles that discuss specific things you can train your cat to do to make your life and even kitty’s life one heck of a lot happier and/or easier:
- Train your cat to stop running away from you.
- Train your cat to be more cuddly.
- Train your cat to stop destroying furniture with scratching.
- Train your cat to stop crying and begging for food.
- Train your cat to be less stressed about being in his or her carrier.
Looking for even more ideas on ways you can train cats? Check out the cat training section of this blog.
Want to learn how to train a cat to do something specific, but haven’t seen an article published on this blog about it? Leave a comment down below and I’ll do my best to get a post up!
Remember, training cats to behave the way you want takes time and repeated effort on your part, and you’re in no way guaranteed any cat will ever behave just the way you’d like.
At the same time, I think it’s important to try training your cat if there happen to be behaviours he or she has that you absolutely cannot stand and there’s no other way around.
If your cat has the habit of kneading in your clothes and you cannot stand it, put your clothes away and stop leaving them out!
But if your cat is scratching up couches and furniture you or another family member really wish would be left untouched, it’s time to get the training process underway.
Same with cuddling. Training a cat to be more affectionate is completely possible.
Will every cat be a lap cat? Probably not, but over time, every cat can grow to like being petted and cuddled much better than when they first came home with you – even if they never do let you stroke their adorable little bellies.
The happier you are with your cat’s behaviour, the happier and less stressed your cat is likely to be, and the happier the household is as a whole.
I’m convinced every cat can get better at what you’d like him or her to do, even if he or she will never behave exactly the way you’d like.
What Do You Think About Cats Hating People?
Have you ever felt like a cat hated you? What types of things did that cat do that made you believe this?
If you think your cat currently hates you, what steps do you think you might take/try to figure out and remedy what’s frustrating your cat?
Have you ever experienced a cat’s personality change? What happened?
Was there an issue behind the scenes that caused this personality change? Was it resolved? How did the cat behave afterward?
Would love to hear your stories in the comments down below!
Hi I am Elyse and I’m having huge problems with my 2 and a half year old male cat Frankie, Breed is nebelung. Ever since I left an abusive relationship he has viciously attacked me since, when I say vicious I mean really vicious, blood was dripping down my face once when he attacked my head and face and split my lip. I really need help as it is ruining my connection with him. I’m so scared of him and tip toe around him so he didn’t attack me. It’s weird that it only started after leaving an abusive relationship, now my cat is abusing me, i have lived in small apartments with my cat so he hasn’t been able to go outside but even when I moved into a house with a backyard he still attacked me. So it seems to not have anything to do with needing to go outside. I’ve changed his diet that didn’t change anything, I play with him, I cuddle him when he eventually lets me, I give him attention when he wants it which is very rare. He runs away from me a lot, didn’t go near me much, I just can’t seem to connect with him. I cuddled him just now, then he attacked me rest bad out of the blue, I am really over it so I need some advice please. I can’t get rid of him because I love animals too much, I want to be able to connect and have a healthy relationship with him. Please help!
Hey! I really liked this post but I’m still lost on my cat Ellie. I got her in Dec 2018 when she was only a week and half old. So I raised her and I was her mom. She was extremely attached to me. She would scream and cry if I wasn’t in the same room with her and she would sit and scratch the bathroom door while showered well last year in Feb my ex husband divorced me and threw me out of the house.
So I had to move into my mom and dad’s house because I’m disabled and I can’t live alone. Only problem is my mom has cats as well. Since we moved Ellie will not adjust. My other cat inky is fine he has adjusted and runs around the house and is happy. But Ellie refuses to leave my room. And she hisses at all the other cats. On top of this me and my mom have rescued other kittens since then and Ellie isn’t happy about that because the kittens want to be in my room with me because I helped raise them. Now, I think my baby Ellie that I adore hates me. I try to pet her she growls and slaps me. I try and play with her she walks away. Every now and then she will sit with me but that’s very seldomly. I really don’t know what to do because I can’t leave and I can’t get rid of my mom’s cats. And I don’t know how to help her. I just want my cat back and I don’t think I ever will have her back because it’s been about a year and a half since we moved her and I’m completely lost. If you could please help me and give me some kind of suggestion I would appreciate it.
Hi, my 4 year old (neutered) male cat will not accept my new kitten, it’s been over 2 weeks and although he will tolerate the new kitten he will not tolerate me because of the new kitten, he hides all day either under a bed or outside, he doesn’t want to cuddle anymore, he’s been gurning/growling when I pick him up and occasionally if the kitten gets too close. But he will not under any circumstances come into my room, he used to sleep with me every single night but hasn’t since the kitten has been here. I don’t know what to do :/ he’s my first baby but I feel like he hates me right now. We also have 2 older female cats that he has always gotten along with, although the same week we got our new kitten we lost our oldest boy at age 19.
Hello,
So over the last month or so I started leash training my one 3 year old cat who used to be so cuddly and lovey and just love for me to love all over him. He liked it a little bit too much and suddenly form the moment he woke up he would run to the door and start meowing to be let out and had zero interest in me anymore at all. I started to think maybe I wasnt taking him out enough and found myself taking him out for half hour walks multiple times a week to appease him wanting my happy kitty back. He just kept getting more and more anxious to go out though and was running laps around the house. He almost stopped letting me pet him around this time too. I decided at that point the only choice was to keep him inside until at least this behavior stopped because i live in a condo where indoor/ outdoor cat is not an option. He seems really depressed now and still doesnt show me much affection anymore. I feel like I lost my best friend and also i feel really depressed seeing him so depressed. At this point i really dont know how much he is feeling sad or not. He stares out the window all day and plays with me still which isnt that abnormal but something in his demeanor has changed and he is not as loving as he was before. I feel horrible keeping him in when he enjoys being out so much but I cant live with the constant demands! at a loss and feel really sad lately.
Hi! So, i just got a new little kitty and my old cat is not very happy at all. My older cat, sabrina, hisses and growls and basically bullies my new little kitten, Finn but she not physically violent unless he get too close to her. I feel so bad for the little guy cuz he just wants to play with her. Thats the first issue. The second issue is that she used to love me and play with me and steal all of my attention from my work by literally pushing my computer away so I would pay attention to her but now she growls when i even go near her and warning bites me when i try to pet her. Im pretty sure shes acting this way because i got the new cat and shes mad at me for it. I looked up how to get her to stop hating me and the main answer i could find was to get rid of the source of the problem which would be the kitten but i cant just get rid of him like that. Please help me, it really hurts that my Sabrina that loved me for 11 years became so distant just like that. Thank you!
Hi Jessica! Please read these two articles I’ve written on how I got my two cats to get along:
> My Lap Cat’s Personality Didn’t Change After I Got a Second Cat (This Did…)
> How to Get Two Cats to Get Along: What I Did & Yes, It Absolutely Worked
Once you’re done, let me know if you have any other questions concerning the issue. If your first cat is not going out of her way to pick fights with the kitten, that’s a step up over my Avery, who was actually picking fights with my second cat, Bjorn. Now, there’s plenty of peace in the home, and I’ve even managed to take in a third cat with zero problems.
Please don’t think nothing can be done to help these two get along better. You might not be able to turn them into best friends, but you should be able to get them to the point where there’s peace, and your first cat, Sabrina, gets back to normal with you. Again, read those articles over and let me know if you have any questions/have any issue implementing some of the tips. There’s a lot in there that should be easy to implement.
Hi I have problem with my 5,5 year old female cat. So starting for beginning. She was the only cat for all the years and like month ago we adopted another one (male this time) the same breed – british blue. We made proper introduction by separating them and slowly letting them to know each other. After less than week our female was ready to let the small one be around in the same place and even start to chase each other. The problem started like week ago when she hisses and be not nice to him when he is to close. And also stopped letting us to cuddle her or groom sometimes. We are not sure what can be the reason behind such reverse behavior. Any advice would be appreciated.
Okay, long story short I’ve been dating this guy for about two weeks now, I have a strong love for animals and normally house fats have never not liked me. But I did mess up and the first time I ever went over there I went straight to the cat and I guess it made a bad impression. Everytime I come over here which is often he grows at me if I get close and he’s even attacked me. Sometimes when I feed him he lets me pet him and rub all over him, but then after we leave the bathroom, that’s where he eats, it’s like a switch was flipped and he suddenly hates me. I don’t know what to do and it truly hurts my feelings I guess you could say. Please please please help.
We took two babies from friends who had to move to a non-pet friendly place. I’ve known them since they were kittens.
The one has always been loving and was cheerful even through the move. The other one is a bit more skittish. They were initially indoor cats, but we have a garden and live across from an open space so I’ve let them roam around.
Both have had some changes, the one more worrisome than the other. The skittish one loves me and follows me everywhere. She will wake me up at night to pet her, even though I pet them a lot daily. The other one, who was always chatting to me and sitting on my lap has no interest in me. She does not chat, she looks like she only tolerates me petting her. She will, however, go visit other people in my apartment complex who she is very friendly with and let’s cradle her etc.
I don’t know what’s going on. I took her to the vet, but she is fine. I don’t know of anything massive that has changed since we got them and why she has become so stand-offish. Any suggestions? I’m really sad about it as I’ve had cats all my life and whereas I know some are more independent than others, she was always loving and attention seeking and now only wants attention from other people.
about 3 years ago, my boyfriend and I were living with his mom when we rescued a beautiful tortie. I was her mommy, loved her, spoiled her. She was my baby. Her and I always had a very strong bond from the moment we met. We’ve had 2 kids since then, we moved out about 5 months ago. We were planning on taking her with us, but wanted to get situated first before bringing her into a new environment. About a week later, when we went to take her with us, she’s been very hostile toward us. She hisses, she scratches me, she hides from me… absolutely breaks my heart. I don’t understand why she’s behaving like this. We decided to leave her with my boyfriends mom. Every time we visit, she still behaves the same. What can I do? Why is she like this towards me all of a sudden?
My husband and I rescued a beautiful Maine Coon who had been abandoned. We call her Svetty-Girl. She’s been with us for about four and a half years. She is fiercely independent and we generally leave her alone and let her come to us when she wants to. We found out she had a chip but the people associated with it were the ones who abandoned her. We also found out Svetty had come from a shelter. I suspect that she has PTSD and her former humans couldn’t handle her and left her behind when they moved. My heart still breaks for her when I first came across her that bitterly cold New England winter and how people can be so cruel.
Svetty is a very difficult cat. She loves my husband very much, but even he can’t pet her for too long. She only allows petting on the top of her head and chin scritches. The only time she is civil with me is when she first wakes up from a nap. The rest of the time she is extremely fractious and hostile towards me.
I am the one who feeds her but it doesn’t matter to her. She expects that from me and she doesn’t have to be nice. And if she doesn’t like what I offer I will bring her something else. I even go to great lengths by bringing the food to her upstairs. If I have to bring a different dish, I do that for her because I love her. There is a small part of her that appreciates me, even if she doesn’t show it often.
She will attack me if I come too close to her. Normally I leave her alone but if she is near the litter box and I need to clean it she will attack me. I am a “cat person” and we have five other cats, all males. They all get along and Svetty doesn’t have any issues with them.
I want to be able to bring her to the vet for check-ups but right now it isn’t possible without her becoming too stressed out. She needs to be medicated, but the last time we took her the vet had to cut the exam short because she was extremely stressed and open-mouthed breathing.
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a PTSD kitty?
Thank you for this article.
I’m really concerned about the sudden and dramatic shift in my cat’s personality. I know why it’s happening – we’ve had to start giving him pills, he hates it, and it’s a daily traumatic experience for all involved. However, my boyfriend has started to be the only one that gives him his pill, and I take care of the feeding, playtime, etc. My cat still hates me specifically and is fine with my boyfriend.
He used to crave affection from me, and now he’ll barely let me near him. If I try to touch him, he walks away immediately and meows very loudly. I can’t touch him, I can’t hold him, I can barely come near him. But he needs his pill.
Is there ANYTHING I can do? Treats don’t work because he won’t accept anything from me, and isn’t very food-driven in the first place. He’ll join me for playtime for a little bit, but then walk away, leaving my other cat to play with me. I’m desperate to rebuild my relationship with my cat, but it seems impossible. Do you have any suggestions?
I’ve rescued a stray a while ago and my cat got super aggressive because of his smell. He’s now long gone and she’s still ferocious towards me even tho I spent 2 weeks away after the cat was gone…. how do I get my daughter to love me again?
She doesn’t even let me near her and will growl and hiss whenever I so much as look at her, won’t take any treats and barely sleeps anymore, instead just growling all night while hiding from me.
She used to be so loving and I was the only person she was close to… I really miss my daughter please help me figure out what to do…
Try cleaning your house, and anything the stray might’ve touched.
Had already done that
Thanks for the article. I’m lost what to do and looking for help.
My gf and I just adopted a young female cat from my friend. My friend gained a dog that was aggressive toward the cat, and we wanted to give her a new home.
This cat is high energy: very playful but also very open and affectionate. She has completely transformed since coming to our home. We’ve been trying to give her space and let her adjust, but she lashes out at me frequently. I’m tired of bandaging my wounds, and I’m emotionally hurt every time the cat bites and scratches me with no provocation.
We both play with the cat frequently, but have been giving her space and letting her get used to her new home. She will come to me, start loving in my feet, and then suddenly snap and attack me. I’ve been doing the feeding, and tonight she even came over to try to scratch my feet when I tried to put food in her bowl.
This cat was so loving to me before she came here, and now I genuinely feel she hates me. She’s taken to sitting in my gf’s lap, but randomly attacks me moments after I come in the house. I feel terrible because I’m somehow doing something to anger this cat, despite every attempt to be nice and allow get to adjust on her own time.
Please help. I don’t want to send this cat to a new home, but am afraid I’ll have to do that if I can’t make her stop hating me.
I almost feel like she’s somehow associating you with the dog who used to pick on her? Maybe due to the way you smelled one day, or you startling her just one time, or maybe even somehow due to gender (I hate explanations like that are gender-dependant, but theoretically I guess it is possible?).
I would do my best to use the healthy relationship she seems to have formed with your girlfriend to your advantage. Try interacting with her mostly only while your girlfriend is present for a while. Try copying the way your girlfriend pets her, maybe even sprinkling some catnip on your pants to make her stop associating your feet as a place she should be doing anything but nuzzling into.
Feliway (the Classic version in particular) I’ve heard does really well at making some cats calm and much less anxious at home. You may also want to hit “reset” on her comfort in your home by giving her one “safe room” – a room decked out with everything she could ever want or need (food, toys, water, litter, scratch post, nice window view, etc.), then if she’s happy to stay in there, keep her in her safe room with the door shut, and only interact with her in there, until she starts asking to come out. Let her out for little visits to the rest of the house, then bring her back to her safe room once she’s done exploring, until she spends more and more time outside the room and it makes sense to have her out again. Having such a small, controlled environment for a while can help fix a lot of anxiety cats have, so it may work in your situation.
Sounds like you are already doing quite a lot in terms of helping her adjust, so I completely empathize. It’s really hard when you’re doing whatever you can think of to remedy the situation and nothing seems to be working.
Keep me updated, and if you can think of anything else relevant, such as what time of day she typically lashes out, or if there are stretches of time she doesn’t, what usually happens around times she’s more aggressive toward you, for example, do leave another comment letting me know.
Hello,
I got my kitten late November this past year. He’s always been a pretty roudy boy and very active but recently he’s been really aggressive. I moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend and my boyfriend and kitten have always gotten along. My kitten also used to wake us up in the morning wanting to be cuddled but hasn’t done it in a whole. He used to enjoy being held by me and would sit on my lap. Anytime I try to touch him he recoils or tries to bite/scratch me but this is not a normal behavior for him. I’ve been trying to give him some space but it only seems to make him more distant to me. He used to be such a mommas boy but nowadays I feel like he doesn’t enjoy me anymore. Another thing worth noting is that he broke his leg a few weeks jumping off a high staircase before we moved and I did my best to keep him as comfortable as possible. He seems to be physically fine and isn’t sensitive about his leg now. I just want him to be the happy boy he used to be.
It sounds to me like he’s had a lot to deal with between the move and the injury. I would guess it made him feel unsettled and that’s made him act aggressive. Do your best to spoil him rotten as much as humanly possible. Be the one to feed him, play with him as much as you can, spoil him with catnip, snacks he likes, whatever you can think of. Try petting him while he’s cuddling with daddy; try using his comfortable energy with your boyfriend and piggy back off his positive emotions to get them to pass on to you. Give him some more time; he may still be in recovery psychologically from all that change and what seems like a hard part of his life.
Hi, I’ve had my cat Walter for almost 7 years now. He was a stray from the street and he sorta adopted me. He’s always been super attached to me and affectionate, I always called him my little soul mate. About 2 months ago he started acting weird towards me, shunning me and spending most of his time in my roommate’s room. She’s a big cat lover and they’ve been buddies ever since she moved in last year. Him and my other cat both go hang out with her but they used to always came back to hang with me eventually, Walter to his perch on my lap. Now even when she’s gone for hours he won’t really hang in my room, just lays on the couch in the living room all sad waiting for her to come home and only comes to me when he wants to eat. It’s almost like her room has become his safe space and mine makes him nervous for some reason. He’s always been a sensitive cat, a bit nervous and super scared of thunder storms. We recently had a lot of rain and also loud construction outside my bedroom which faces the street so maybe that’s part of it? Maybe I accidentally did something when I was sleeping? It just started happening and I can’t think of anything that’s changed. Again, he’s almost 8, been with me for 7, had my other cat for 4 years so that’s not a new thing, roommate’s been here a year, no new furniture or major changes to the apartment. I dunno but it’s making me pretty sad. Any thoughts other than what you spoke about in the article?
The loud construction and rain absolutely sound to me like a huge part of the issue. Cats really hate and are nervous around loud noises in general, and do begin to associate negative emotions with places sometimes if they’re stressed out a lot due to noises and such in those spaces. If yours is typically sensitive, yes, I think that could account for a lot of the behavioural changes. I think noises can be enough to set off really bad anxiety in cats, even if to us it sounds like it might be a mild stressor at most.
I think you should do your best to take advantage of your roommate’s relationship with the cats to try to make them happier and more used to trusting your room again (which sounds to me like that’s the problem; not you, but the room). So long as she’s happy to make the effort, try engaging with them in her room more frequently, and get her to engage with them in your room a lot more. Maybe that on its own will be enough to get them to feel like the whole apartment, rather than just her room, is their safe space again.
Best of luck! And do keep me updated on how things progress. xoxo
Hello,
I’m having a hard time with my 4 year old cat accepting a kitten into the home. The kitten has only been with us for 3 days. My resident cat is very upset. He is hissing, growling and meowing at all of the family. It has been better in the last 24 hours but I feel like he is warming up to everyone but me. The kitten is in a “safe room” we are introducing scent but I feel we are no where near visual introduction. Any suggestions? This is all new to me and I want to make sure I’m doing what I can to foster a healthy environment for both cats.
Hi Julie!
I’m not an expert, but based on my experience having adopted a second cat after 4 years with my only-cat furchild – it takes time. A lot of time, and hissing, growling, and generally being upset are going to happen, absolutely. But the resident cat will likely accept the new cat – eventually – though for me this took around 2-3 months.
Once you’ve gotten to the point where the two cats are having visual introductions, and then even to the point where they somewhat co-exist, there may even still be friction then. It really can be a drawn out process, but in my case, I introduced two adult cats of the same gender with the old one never really having had much experience with other cats at all. Here’s what I told another commenter who’s in a similar predicament (and I’ll work on getting a fully fleshed out article on this up soon):
Based on my experience having newly adopted a second boy, to lessen the stress of the dominant cat, it’s good to have the cats take “breaks” from one another. I will often separate my two when I know I’ll be out of the house for a long period of time. This started out being for our new cat, Bjorn’s, safety, but I found that our first cat, Avery, seemed to have a lot less anxiety overall this way as well.
If you’re at work for long hours, or happen to leave for a long time some days, I would give each cat their own space during these times for around a week, giving Leela, your dominant cat, access to the whole house, and keeping Stevie in a safe room with everything she loves and needs in it (a good view, food, water, toys, nap spots, scratchers, litter box, etc.) If Leela shows less aggression when the two are re-united, this trick is working for them and you should keep it up (as long as both cats are happy with the arrangement), until Leela’s aggression nearly completely subsides.
Try to increase the amount of positive time they spend together, so if they are able to eat meals in the same room, or have snacks in each others’ presence, or play together, that’s amazing and increase the frequency of that kind of thing happening. At times where Leela is likely to be stressed (for my Avery it’s before feeding times), separate the cats to lessen Leela’s negative emotions being “taken out on” or transferred to her feelings about Stevie. Basically try to make the experiences the cats have with one another either neutral or positive, and it should go a long way in reducing Leela’s anxiety overall, as well as giving Stevie a chance at getting Leela to like her.
Hi! I have recently just moved my female cat of 9 years from my mums, we have recently just got two new puppies, who she has met and had encounters with.. She’s getting better with them and she’s coming and going out of the house for the past few days. She’s only the past 5 days started to dislike me and doesn’t like my stroking her at all, she’ll moan at me and will sometimes hiss and whack me.. She plays with me with her toys, but doesn’t trust me touching her at all, only under her chin and her neck SOMETIMES. She lets me pet her when I bring her food and she is eating, other than that she doesn’t want anything to do with me at all. Please help give me some advice I’m truly heartbroken and sad that my cat won’t give me any affection or love like she used to.. She used to be so affectionate always up for a cuddle even on my terms.. Will she go back that way with time, and what can i do to make this happen ??
I think she may just be completely exhausted with all the changes in her life that have happened recently. I’m not at all convinced she’s this way “to stay.” I think she needs a lot of adjusting, and in my opinion the best way you can help her out is to spoil her with as much attention, playtime, snacks (use this trick to prevent overfeeding), cuddles under her chin with food, whatever else she’ll let you do to spoil her, do it! Buy her a new cat bed, place an indoor cat door on the door to a bedroom so she’s the only one who can have access, and can escape from the new puppies to her own oasis whenever she wants. Do whatever you can to lessen her anxiety and in my opinion, given some adjustment time, she will be back to normal.
Hi my name is ady, I’ve had my cat princessa living at my mom’s house for the last ten years,about 8 months ago in July I brought my cat to my house because my mom moved out of state, I was pregnant with my second child and he came in November. My cat really enjoyed the new baby and always layed next to us on the bed or couch, well about 2 months ago we went to Washington for 3 weeks and my roommate cat sitted her for me but for some reason since we got back she’s been so mad at me, she used to sleep with me all the time and now she won’t acknowledge me at all,she will sleep with my fiance and rub herself on him and meow at him and she won’t even lay next to me. Everytime I try to get her to lay with me she meows and gets up and runs away from me or goes straight over to my fiance. Is there anything I can do to get her to love me again? The only time she even lets me pet her is when I bring her food and she is eating, other than that she doesn’t want anything to do with me at all. Please help give me some advice I’m truly heartbroken and sad that my cat won’t give me any affection or love like she used to.
It sounds to me like she was really unhappy with you leaving, and is using her behaviour to let you know how displeased she was.
Spoil her rotten. Be the only one who feeds her, pet her while feeding her, play with her with the kind of toys she likes, give her treats when she’s not expecting it while simultaneously talking positively to her and petting her (to make sure she doesn’t become overweight with this tip, feed her kibble as treats and use this technique to prevent overfeeding); make an effort to show her you love her to bits every chance you get. I know you’re likely doing this already, but basically, go full blast and do it as much and often as you can.
The truth is, she will almost certainly go back to her normal behaviour with a lot of positive attention and affection her way, but it will likely take time. She has to re-build her trust in you, because she likely felt like you abandoned her when you left. That doesn’t at all mean the trust won’t return – it will, just not immediately or maybe as quickly as you’d have liked. And the next time you leave, I have a feeling she’ll take it better, because there’s a chance when you left this first time, she thought you would never return. Almost like when she moved from your mom’s house after living there for ten years, then never got to live with her again. She was likely heartbroken first, thinking you were gone forever; help her recover from her heartbreak and yours will absolutely be gone as well.
Thank you so much for this advice, I think I now know why my cat has been constantly ignoring me and giving most of her affection to my roommate instead of me. Methinks my cat is jealous because I’ve been focusing a lot on my other cat lately due to him being slightly ill. I am going to try a few methods to restrengthen my bond with her and try to keep both kitties happy.
Oh yes, that definitely could be it. Let me know how things go!
Confused Cat Owner
I have owned my British Blue for 4.5 years. He’s always been a friendly and healthy cat.
My girlfriend moved in with me (and my lodger out) 6 months ago, and between June and the end of October my girlfriend worked from home. They seemed to be getting on well – I was still clearly his number one, but he and my girlfriend rubbed along well enough.
However, things have gone downhill drastically since the end of October. My girlfriend started working from an office in town, and I think my cat was involved in an accident – he came in from the garden one evening at the end of October acting very strangely. During November he started wetting himself and sitting in his own urine and faeces and developed an intense dislike of my girlfriend, resulting in him biting her quite badly.
After numerous trips to the vet he was finally diagnosed with a broken tail and this was removed nearly three weeks ago. To help him recover, we installed a number of Feliway diffusers around the house and created dens for him.
He seemed to be on the mend physically, but was still growling at my girlfriend whenever she was nearby (despite her taking over his feeding).
My parents house-sat for us and looked after him for four days last weekend. We called for daily updates and he seemed to be getting back to his old self. The post-operation check up also went well.
However, following our return, he has reverted to hiding in and urinating outside his litter-box and has started hissing and growling at BOTH my girlfriend and I. He is also off his food – a new development, which wasn’t the case prior to this week.
The vet seems to be at a bit of a loss and this is all putting a great deal of strain on my girlfriend and I. It really seems that he is very unhappy whenever he is around us, as there seems to be no physical issue at present and he was acting “normally” around my parents. Extensive blood and urine testing was undertaken prior to his operation and everything came back “clear”. We can only assume that this is a psychological problem.
I’d appreciate your thoughts on what might be going on here.
Thank you!
By the sound of it – if your vet found no problem – my best guess is he has serious separation anxiety.
He was probably very upset when your girlfriend stopped working from home, and in my opinion likely would have acted out to show his dissatisfaction with the situation even if he hadn’t been injured. A lot of cats get more attached to their humans than people expect them to, and this isn’t the first time (and I’m sure not the last) I’ve heard of a cat “punishing” their human by acting like they hate them when the human’s gone on vacation, or not been home as often as usual. Really, the truth behind the bad behaviour is simple: that person is missed.
Cats dislike change in their routines in the first place, but they also do get attached to people, and in my opinion, a lot of cats grow to become emotionally dependent on human company, even if it’s passive companionship. The fact that he got hurt probably intensified his emotional reaction. Even a human would feel more vulnerable and needy if they were injured or sick.
Then you both left for a weekend, and he was probably pissed off – not at your parents (which explains why he was behaving normally with them), but at you guys for disrupting his routine and momentarily abandoning him.
Take his acting out as proof that he really cares about you both, that he hates it when you leave, and that with patience and time and alongside his physical recovery, he’ll begin to trust you guys again, and with that trust, go back to acting like his normal self around you.
You may also want to consider getting a second cat eventually once he is fully healed up – one that has a personality that will complement him, and maybe a female kitten (since they’re typically the most likely to get along with male adult cats) – so that next time you leave or if one of you has a busy work schedule – whatever happens, he can have one permanent companion who will fill his day and be a constant in his life for him.
Hello! I got my cat at the beginning of September. The first two days I had him, he was calm and extremely cuddly. Right away, he wanted to sleep next to me. By the end of the first week, I had to kick him out of my room at night. He decided that he would bite me through the sheets as I tried sleeping (even when I wasn’t tossing and turning). So, he meowed. I tried to ignore it. Eventually, my roommate decided to leave her bedroom door open. He instead cuddled with her. The problem seemed to be solved. However, more recently, my schedule has been chaotic and inconsistent. My cat sure seems to love routines and really holds grudges toward me when things are different. He has been attacking me, stalking me, and is generally unfriendly with me since I returned from a training. I have to go to the hospital next week and I’ll be gone even longer. Until this point, his biting seemed playful or was gentle because he wanted attention. Now, he bites and when I try to ignore it, his jaw clamps down harder. He never hisses at me, but he does breathe very heavily when he gets worked up. That being said, I am not provoking him. I’ve had several cats before him and I’ve never seemed to irritate them as I do him. I try to play with him, but he still prefers to bite me. When I sit on the couch, he comes up and bites me. I can’t do anything in my home without him trying to bite me. How do I get rid of this stalking and biting behavior. I can’t help my routine is not always consistent. I am a teacher working long hours and I live in a remote village in Alaska, so when I have to go somewhere, I literally leave the village. I always have someone to take care of him, but he still is mad at me for leaving. I’ve recently developed health problems, so I have had to leave more frequently. Is there something I can do for him so that he can better adjust to fluctuations in schedules?
While it’s not a surefire bet, I thing, if you can, it may be beneficial to adopt a second cat who’s got a personality that will gel well with him (maybe even a female since males typically fight less with females) so he has a consistent companion that’s always present for him even when you’re not. I do think at this point, the only thing really stressing him out is the inconsistency, and that he really likes you and is trying to show you he hates it when you leave.
My brother who has a pet blog over at PetsOverload.com has a cat (Beau) who’s got a really high need for attention and used to suffer from pretty bad separation anxiety. A short while back he adopted a kitten, and the two get along famously (though like with any cats, sometimes get into little squabbles). Recently, my brother’s been away from home *so* much for work, and while he can tell Beau is not happy about this, Beau’s also not anxious and stressed like he used to be before they adopted Kalista.
So long as you manage to find a cat that will get along with your first, slowly introduce them to each other rather than throwing them in together immediately, I’m pretty sure your cat will be ever so much happier, less anxious, and less aggressive as well in the long run.
Absolutely continue to try to play with him as much as possible though, as that may help reduce the aggression considerably in the short term. These high-energy exercise toys will be your best bet for releasing as much aggression as possible on the toy rather than on you. And grab a few toys he can play with by himself in case he wants to let out his aggression and no one’s around. But nothing will do the trick (in my opinion) like a companion that will always be physically there with him, even when you can’t be.
Today is November 22 2018 and my cat was born around the middle of May this year. he has been great but lately he has been acting weird I guess? I don’t know what to make of his actions towards me. everything was perfect until one night when I was sleeping and my cat was in the room with me, and I woke up cuz I hard him screaming? weird loud sound I never heard him do. I ignored it the first time, I was scared of course. but try to get back to sleep cuz maybe he got caught and tangled himself on something idk. well it happened again and I got up quick and turned around since I wasn’t facing him and well he looked scared and shocked. like someone or something attacked him. and I grabbed him and put him in the living room but he was so disoriented and scared to even move so I grabbed him again and put him in his grandparents room cuz they never sleep so I thought that would help to calm him down. but since then he has been aggressive with me. over the months it died down but he bites me but doesn’t hurt me. just bites me enough to leave an imprint. he sleeps with me fine, we cuddle. he gently headbutts me but also I assume gets hyper and runs around like he is crazy or something. tackles me but not to hurt me. or at least it doesn’t hurt . but he has not dug his nails on me or anything like that. and he stares at me ALOT. Enough that makes me and my partner uncomfortable. he is very spoiled by the way. he does this things where he holds my arm with his paws and doesn’t let me go while his mouth is on my arm or hand. I try to pull away but you can tell he doesn’t want me out of his grasp. can someone help me please? does he “hate” me? or what’s going on. just need some closure because I’m really Confused. he hides from me also but like I guess to play? cuz I hide too and he tries to find me like a peekaboo game kind a way and then after he gets close enough he pounces on me. or just randomly pounces on me. PLEASE HELP
Hello,
I just recently took in my brother’s cat, Luna a couple days ago. She is a Siamese short hair. She has been moved 3 times in the past two months and he had to give her to me because she fought with other cats and they fought with her. So now I have her. I have interacted with her before and my mom and I took care of her for a month a year ago. I know it takes cats a while to adjust but her behavior is very odd.
For instance, she will rub up against me but then when I try to pet her, she will meow agitated. Even at times when I don’t try to pet her she will meow agitated at me after rubbing up against me. Also, when I enter a room that she is in (such as mine) she will growl and hiss and then proceed to either attack my feet or hide from me. She also attacks my feet when I walk around. I live with three other roommates so when she was sitting on my friend’s bed and I came in, she growled and hissed at me. Just now, she was sitting on me on my bed and purring. I even pet her. What is going on? Like I said, I know it takes cats a while to adjust, but this seems very odd.
I have to agree that her behaviour seems very odd – it sounds to me like she may not be feeling well, but doesn’t know how to explain that she’s in some kind of pain. She sounds like she really does like you and care for you, but maybe that she gets sudden onset of feeling unwell or it maybe even hurts when she’s touched? Maybe there’s an injury from another cat, a scratch or something on her body? I would do some quick inspections to make sure she is not bruised anywhere, and take her to the vet, especially if it doesn’t resolve itself. Something sounds up to me. It doesn’t seem like it’s just anxiety or stress on its own.
Hello,
Almost all of the alarming behaviours describe my cat. She is naturally not the most cuddly and lovey cat but usually enjoys to be pet to a certain extent and comes when I call her. She also usually sleeps in my bed with me. I recently moved into a new home and everything seemed to be going well. A few weeks after moving in, I had to go away on a trip for 2 weeks and left my cat behind. When I came back she did not even respond to her name when I said. She attacks me and hisses at me occainsionally. I feed her every day and I try to treat her with all the love I can. Her favorite place to sit is on the couch and when I come near her to sit on the couch with her she will stand up and flick her tail and meow. She is naturally a little aggressive, so I know she has a short temper but when I sit next to her I don’t even touch her. To make matters worse a few days ago we unexpectadly ended up with a new kitten. We haven’t had the cats meet yet.
I love my cat and I don’t know what to do!
Based on what you said, I feel she might have felt a little betrayed by the fact that you left her for so long. Did another human come house sit while you were gone those two weeks? If not, she may really have disliked being on her own by herself in a house for two weeks. If another human stayed, she still could’ve felt a pang of betrayal, because while cats may not show it all the time, they do often get attached to their humans. This feeling of being unhappy with the situation may have been exacerbated by the fact that she was in a new house, as cats don’t like change, and too many changes too abruptly can make them feel extremely unsettled.
What you need to do is essentially your absolute best to regain her trust. Spoil her with things she loves – toys, playtime, special treats, if she’s okay with it, cuddles, etc. Try to make her feel like a queen, she will eventually come around.
Quite frankly, if she and the kitten eventually get along very well, the next time you have to leave, she’s much less likely to feel betrayed and alone, because she’ll have someone there she’s happy and comfortable with always – the new kitten. It will almost certainly take a while for her to adjust to the new kitten. I’m glad you haven’t introduced them yet and wouldn’t push her to meet the new kitten for a good, long while; preferably after she’s almost completely back to normal self. Hopefully, that won’t take too long, but I would give her all the time she needs (possibly even up to a month) before you allow the new kitten free roam of the entire house. While it may be hard to wait so long (though who knows, maybe she will adapt quickly), take your time with her, spoil her rotten, and be patient with her progress. But again – if she bonds to that kitten it could really help her out with not feeling a sense of abandonment in the long run. So it’s not all bad, just a bit of a tricky situation.
I adopted a cat over 6 months ago. Its previous owners had dogs and another cat that they had to get rid of. One of their kids developed allergies. The ride home the cat rubbed on me and I pet it and it felt like instant love. I got it home and put it in the bathroom with the cat box food and some toys to get it use to the house without all the chaos of our dog and cat. My first interaction of trying to feed the cat some wet food it growled and hissed at me so I put the food down and walked out. I have been the only one who has fed the cat since day one. It growls and hisses at me daily whether I tried to play with it pet it or what not. When I try petting it either tries biting or scratches me. The crazy thing is, there are five other people in the house and the cat loves them all. I I don’t know what to do, it just hates me by sight. I have worn masks and the cat will let me pet it not knowing it’s me. Please help!
Hmm, this is an odd one, especially since cats can usually recognize people by their smells and not just the sight of them, I think her behaviour is a little strange.
I would recommend trying to get help from those in the household who she likes. Try getting them to interact with her at the same time as you. Try playing with her quite a bit as well, as this on top of the feeding should help the cat feel a little more bonded to you. Also, see if there’s a way that the others in the household are holding or touching her that you’re not, mimic their behaviour with her because maybe there’s something in the way they do things that she prefers? Your scent may also be an issue as many cats are very sensitive to smells they dislike, so if you have a specific cologne, try wearing nothing for a few days and see if she reacts less dramatically. Let me know if any of those tips worked, and if not, I’ll try to think of some more, but in my head there has to be something she doesn’t like about your smell or the way you interact with her, or she wouldn’t be behaving like this.
Another idea, since you said shes okay with you petting her with a mask, maybe try using that mask to get closer to her and then after a few weeks of bonding, take the mask off while you’re bonding to see if she then accepts you as being a friendly person? Not quite sure what else to suggest but I will have more of a think on this.
I always joke that my cat hates me because she growls whenever I pick her up. However, I’m pretty sure she’s just a hands off hang out with me kind of cat. She likes to be petted but only for as long as she says so… She seeks me out when hungry or thirsty, lays around in the same room as I am, usually near my feet or on the back of the couch. I recently found her even laying at the foot of my bed comfortably ! She plays a game, or so I think where she tries to beat me up or down the stairs. She follows me around just isn’t interested In sitting on my lap, or being picked up, or really petted much. Am I on the right track I’m thinking that’s just her personality? I really love her 💖
She honestly sounds like she really loves you, but just isn’t comfortable being petted or picked up as of yet. I do find a lot of cats change over time, as they get more comfortable with their owners, especially if their owners are careful to pet them and give them affection in ways they’re happy with and understanding when they have had enough” so to speak. My mum’s cat Walker is something like your cat – only wants petting on his terms and is never a fan of being picked up (unless he needs to be transported, in which case, it’s okay temporarily as long as you put him down straight away once you’re done moving him). He’s gotten more and more cuddly over the years and now even sleeps in the same bed with my mum and comes to cuddle on the sofa when she’s watching TV – things he never did as a kitten. Some things I doubt will ever change – like his aversion to being picked up while being snuggled, but a lot of cats have issue with that in particular. Other things, like his desire to be pet for longer and longer, I think are likely to happen with your cat, too over time. Definitely take the fact that your cat tries to beat you up or down the stairs and follows you from room to room to keep you company as a sign she loves you quite a heck of a lot, too 😉 She sounds like an absolute sweetie! 🙂 🙂
I recently took in a three-year old cat after his very loving family had to rehome him due to worsening allergy issues. He was friendly and confident in his home when I met him, and lived with 2 other cats. Since bringing him home four days ago, I’ve kept him in his own room, with scheduled feedings, toys, safe areas to retreat to, a window to look out of, etc. I’ve stayed in the room with him for an hour or so at a time, bribed him with treats, etc. We’ve made some progress – he’ll now come up to me and rub against my hand to scent mark, but he still hisses and growls at me at times, and seems anxious. I’ve sprayed Feliway calming spray around the room, but it’s not seeming to help.
I have a senior cat on the other side of the door, so it’s possible he’s catching a whiff of the other cat. If I can’t get this cat more comfortable with me, I’m worried about moving to the next stage of introductions where he actually meets the other cat.
He was probably closest to the man of the house. Is it possible that he’s a one-man cat?
What else can I do to make this cat feel more at home in his new home?
I agree that he’s probably catching a whiff of the other cat. That scent is on you, so when he hisses and growls and seems anxious, it’s probably because he smells the other cat on your clothing quite strongly.
I would give him more time. I think some cats probably just need a lot more adjusting to new cats in their lives than others. I would keep him in the room until the hissing has subsided, and then once he’s stopped hissing at you, have little visits from your senior cat for a few minutes at a time every day or so, then increase in length and frequency of the visits if he’s coping with them well. I think his anxiety is almost exclusively from the other cat being perceived as a threat, and with enough time and getting used to, your senior cat will be seen as less and less of a threat, until he’s finally accepted.
I’ve heard it takes up to a month (or even two!) for some cats to really be fully used to new cats in their lives, so I think it’s too early to worry that he’s a one-man cat. It’s still quite possible with time he’ll grow to be perfectly fine with your other cat – but unfortunately this means a little more work for you as he’ll do best if he’s kept isolated until the hissing subsides at your senior cat’s scent & presence.
Hope this helps, and do keep me updated on how he’s doing!
Hi. I adopted a cat almost a month ago and from a week or so in she was hissing and biting and scratching me. I have high anxiety and was looking for a companion and throught rescuing a shelter cat would be perfect. I did my own research and believed she may be bored and then overstimulated so I got her many many toys and lots of catnip. Plus I have been playing with her with a stick toy. She seems to enjoy those but still gets upset with me. Do you have any other ideas or do you believe it might simply be her personality?
Thank you so much
In my opinion, there’s a very good chance your particular cat will turn out to be the companion you hoped she would be. Hissing, biting, and scratching are not typical cat behaviours, they’re normally actions cats make toward humans when they’re distressed, anxious, or stressed out themselves. Part of this is likely because there have been so many changes in your cat’s life (cats hate too much change, and moving to a new house with all new smells is a pretty big change!). It may also be because she’s bored, so try having around some of these toys cats can play with by themselves so she take out her energy on things without your help if she wants to.
If she’s upset at you while playing, you should quickly look up a guide or two on Youtube about how to play with cats (I unfortunately don’t have an article on that topic yet, but many people don’t find this intuitive since they’re really picky about how they’re played with).
If she’s upset at you while you’re petting her, do your best to figure out which ways she is okay with you touching her in, then stick to just petting her in those ways.
If she’s upset at you at random points of time that don’t make sense, she may still need some time to adjust to her new environment. Make sure she has a scratching post to dig her claws into, and that she’s getting around 15-30 min of high energy exercise out a day (try these types of exercise toys for that). And if she still seems anxious, try re-introducing her to your house by first confining her to one “safe” room with everything she needs (litter, scratching post, food, water, window view preferably with birds, snuggly things, a hiding spot made out of a blanket thrown over a chair), having her get used to that room, and then gradually introducing her to the rest of the house as she becomes curious and wants to leave. Sit with her in the room and spend as much time as you can with her and as she sniffs at the door to leave, let her out, but keep this room as her safe room until she is asking to go out of the room very frequently. Big houses can intimidate cats and overwhelm them initially until they’re used to them, which is why I recommended this.
Once she’s a lot less anxious, you can then start taking steps to make her a more snuggly version of herself if you’d like. I’ve outlined how to do that here.
Hope that helps! 🙂 Any more questions, let me know!
Thank you for your post and taking the time to help us cat owners. This one is at her wit’s end! My cat is a 2 year old female calico tortoiseshell, and I’ve had her since she was born. The vet and many cat owners have told me she has “tortitude”, as apparently tortoiseshell cats are infamously feisty and big brats. I’ve made peace with that, but when she gets extra rebellious I have to question if something is wrong. For the past 8 weeks, she has been peeing on my bed. I have tried everything from moving her litter box, changing the type of litter, starting to clean up her litter every time she uses it, giving her treats when she uses it, changing my bedding (only sheets, only comforter, different comforter, etc). Sometimes, it’ll seem something works and she won’t do it for about a week and a half. And then there are weeks like this one where she’s seeming to do it everyday. She is not suffering other symptoms, she is fixed, up to date on all of her shots, there have been no changes to her environment and, if anything, she seems to need to be acting closer to me rather than hating me (but here I am at 5am on a Sat googling “does my cat hate me?!”). I have an appt with the vet on Monday but her lack of any other symptoms just baffles me. I had a weak moment a couple of weeks ago, as she did it twice in 14 hours, and in utter frustration I attempted to rub her nose in it (which sites have told me not to). She seemingly acted very remorseful and like she knew it was not an okay thing to do. But why does she continue to do it???? Any suggestions would be more than appreciated!
I think she may actually have a UTI; most times peeing outside of a litter box is the only (or at least the first!) symptom. But do let me know how the vet appointment went!
If that’s not it, try changing her litter box to a much bigger one, and specifically to one that’s just a pan and not covered. She may just hate her box itself.
I don’t think this is tortitude at all. Cats peeing out of their litter box is not a way they typically act out – it’s much more likely indicative that something is wrong. I’ll do my best to write up a full post on this topic soon!
In the meantime, hang in there and keep looking for anything that could signal what’s up with her so you can fix up the problem. My bet is still on a UTI, but at the end of the day there are other problems it could be, which is why I should be writing a lengthy post about this topic.
Thank you for the response! The vet visit went well but (thankfully? Lol) she doesn’t have a UTI and is healthy as a clam. The vet is thinking she just has a “behavioral” problem and offered to prescribe her kitty prozac. She has offered to prescribe this for her in the past since she is a little terror but I just don’t feel that’s very humane. We’ve left the cover off of her litter box and (fingers crossed) she hasn’t gone on the bed since. I’m hoping this has solved the issue! I’m excited to subscribe to your blog though and looking forward to reading the post you mentioned!
I’m crossing my fingers for you too! But I’m willing to bet if she started using the litter box again with the cover off then her preference for an uncovered litter pan was the only issue. Best of luck!
my cat seems to not like me anymore. he used to love me alot, and sleep on my bed. he sometimes would follow me, and would love getting my attention. now he doesnt sleep with me and it seems he hasn’t been wanting my attention that much. he acts the same around other people, but now he seems to not like me. I love him and he doesn’t seem to love me back. when i try to pet him, he doesnt really connect. i tried doing things to make him love me again, like changing my bedspread so he will sleep with me and giving him treats. he still doesnt like me like he used to. there have been some times when i accidentally ste on his tail or something, but nothing big. am i overthinking this? i just want him to love me again. 🙁
No, I don’t think you are. Especially if you had your cat as a kitten, sometimes cats can be very snuggly when they first come home. Then I find they go through a weird “teenager” phase where they aren’t fans of being cuddled, and then it takes them a little while (sometimes 6 months to a year or so) to get back to their normal cuddly selves. I think that kind of thing is definitely common, but if you’re willing to put in the effort to get things back to normal, I’d recommend continuing to try spoiling him with treats and playtime, and instead of changing your bead spread, to try to help him be comfy sleeping next to you, take one of his favourite sweaters or blankets to nap in and place it next to you so he knows that’s his spot in bed.
For re-training him to be cuddly again, I have an article here that may help you. But definitely, especially if he’s just hit adulthood, this is a common thing and absolutely does not mean your cat will continue to behave like this forever. Keep trying! You can definitely reach him! And please let me know if there’s anything else you have questions about that I can help you with!
Good luck, xoxo
Hi we recently got our cat in March from a shelter. Since we brought him home he tends to bite even when he is being cuddly. When we took him to the vet he tried to bite him so the vet thumped him on the head. I thought that is how your supposed to stop bad behavior. After reading comments. I believe my cat is now scared of me. I have not hit him in weeks. Now I just say no to the behavior or spray with a water bottle. He is high energy and we can not afford another cat to pet rent being expensive. What do I do? Please help. I really wanted to help a shelter cat. Now I’m regretting it.
I agree that your cat probably grew to become scared of you. I’m so sorry you had such an unusual experience at your first vet that made you believe that’s how you stop bad behaviour. Don’t worry though, any fear and any bad behaviour can still be fixed – just switch up how you deal with it. And I don’t think your cat needs a second cat to keep him company, just some good ol’ fashioned training. Here are my tips:
-When your cat misbehaves, say “No!” loudly and pick him up from his nape. Here’s a viral video on how to “deactivate” even the most hyper of kittens by picking them up by the nape. It’s actually so much easier than you might think and causes them no pain, but they’ll eventually get the point that what you want is that particular behaviour to stop.
-If your kitten is specifically misbehaving in one way, like biting in your situation, you need to help him or her to have an outlet for biting so that he/she can take it out in a safe, non-annoying, and non-destructive way. So basically, invest in a bunch of chew toys like these and whenever your cat is being naughty and biting you, say “No,” deactivate him by holding his nape if you’d like to, but then also redirect the biting energy (this is very important) to something you’re happy for your cat to bite on, like a dedicated chew toy or catnip toy, whatever you designate as the dedicated “chew things.” Drop it right in front of him so he gets the point: you cannot chew human (or wires, or whatever else): you can chew this, though!
To get a good overview of how to go about training in a way that will last (and I don’t find using sprays with water bottles to last, the only way I find lasts is if you successfully replace the “old” behaviour of destruction with a new behaviour of destroying something you’re happy to have destroyed) can be found in my article here about keeping cats from destroying furniture with scratching. The point is, it really can be done, just needs to be gone about the right way, and don’t worry because it’s never too late to change behaviour.
Make sense? Hope this helped! 🙂 Let me know if you have any other questions!
So I have two cats both I got from the same animal shelter. I had one named Charlie for about 8 months until I got the other cat Newt. They are about the same age and Newt has a genetic disorder where he can’t use his back legs but he still hops around. Newt climbs up the stairs to see Charlie all the time, clearly he wants to be buddies with Charlie. Then Charlie starts growling and hissing, they attack each other. Now Charlie seriously hates me and seriously does everything on that list except for the litter box and the hair ball things. I’ve tried making them bond through doors, baby gates, and together but nothing is working. Charlie is always stubborn and angry but he takes all of his anger on me then tries to attack me. I don’t know what to do. Anything will help
While Newt sounds like he’s clearly game for a new friend, I don’t think Charlie is ready. I think I would separate them completely for some time, giving Charlie a domain of his own like a room or the whole upper floor to himself. You’ll know when he’s comfortable again when he’s treating you normally, though it could take a while – a week, a month, who knows. Once he’s “reset” and no longer grumpy, at that point, I would very slowly and carefully try to re-introduce them, on Charlie’s terms only. Basically giving him a glimpse of Newt, then waiting until he’s fully “recovered”/”reset” back to not grumpy, and then another glympse and then back again. Over time, he should get used to Newt for sure, but some cats just take a lot more time than others.
You’ve definitely identified the source of the problem, though. Charlie doesn’t hate you at all, he’s just redirecting his upset at there being another cat around at you. It may take a lot of time and work on your part, but a very slow re-introduction should definitely help fix this, I would think!
Please if anybody else has advice for Brooke, leave a reply! Thank you!
Hi! I have two cats in my household, an almost two year old cat named Tonya and a kitten who is seven months named Sasha. Before adopting Sasha, Tonya and I were inseparable. It would physically pain me to leave her at home when I would go to school. But, every night that I came home, she would purr with excitement and played with me until she was tired. Then, she would always wait for me in bed to sleep through the night together. After adopting Sasha, I noticed a complete behavior change. Tonya became entirely standoffish- and as a result, runs away when I get near her, does not sleep with me at all, and meows in frustration whenever I pick her up. It breaks my heart because I love her and her sister equally, but I don’t understand the reason for this behavior switch. I can only assume it has to do with the adoption of her sister, but it’s been months since I’ve gotten Sasha and surely Tonya would’ve adjusted by now? What can I do to resolve this? Any and all advice would be very appreciated, thank you!
Hi Kassie! I do believe it’s to do with the adoption of her sister, but I also think there’s plenty that can be done to set the situation straight! Am going to do some research and work on an article compiling all the advice I found and have myself and hopefully you can get things back to normal with Tonya! Will come back to this comment to publish the link once the article is live.
Hi again – here’s the link to the live article: https://kittyclysm.com/personality-change-second-cat/
It’s funny how often I’ve heard this comment, even from old-timer cat people…”My cat hates me”, or “My cat did it on purpose…” I tell them the same thing; there is something that not right for your cat, and he’s telling you! I am no where near a cat expert, but that’s one thing I’ve learned: cats aren’t dogs! So many people fall into that way of thinking.
I agree with you. I think it’s important (though sometimes hard) not to take a cat’s behaviour when it acts out personally, and to see the behaviour as a cat’s only way of communicating to you that something is wrong or not ideal is a huge step forward for both pet and owner.
That being said, I have *definitely* met cats who get into trouble on purpose for attention. Not things like peeing on carpets or throwing up all over the house (those = sick cat in almost every case), instead things like getting into closets and cabinets the cat knows he shouldn’t be in, sitting on tables and counters he shouldn’t be sitting on only when no human is in the room, or other sneaky things like that. A lot of acting out is probably done because of boredom or due to a desire for more attention, so I think there’s plenty to resolve in those cases anyway, but I certainly get the, “My cat did it on purpose,” complaint on some level! Maybe he did? Maybe he wants more attention from you 😉
Hi! I got my siamese when she was very young as a rescue. I think she was inbred and/or traumatized by being caught as a Ferrel and she never recovered. When little, she was always trying to crawl into something small and never played or became affectionate. She barely ate. I got another cat and she began to sleep with us and she acted like she was happy for a while. Then one night when I was sitting on the couch under a blanket, she came up and peed on it. I said her name sternly and she ran off. She never came to me again, and always hid when I came into the room, yelled when I needed to pick her up to go to the vet, and actually scared me. She crawled up in between the window and the screen and almost died in the heat because she was trying to get away from me. She crawled into the hole in the wall where the gas line was into the crawl space and did not move or come out for a week. I had to cut a hole in the wall to get her out. She had a fit when I tried to put a callar on her and I had t pick her up by the tail because that was the only way I could get free of her before she bit me. She was hissing and screaming like a banshee. She was dead one morning by the food bowl after 11 years. We never really knew what was really wrong with her all that time, or why she died.
I’m so sorry you had to go through such a difficult experience. You sound like you really cared for her and really made an effort to look after her well being at all times.
It honestly sounds to me like she had a health problem that was never detected, maybe something rare that modern medicine hasn’t found an easy way to diagnose, or even something more rare that vets haven’t discovered yet. Especially if she *was* inbred, she could’ve had a rare genetic disease. Whatever it was probably irritated her and created a lot of discomfort in her life, considering she behaved so aggressively. I think the fact that she died so unexpectedly and mysteriously lends a little to that theory.
Always wish there were ways of communicating with cats to know if something’s wrong and what. I know most cats go about their day to day lives looking and acting like everything’s completely normal even if they are a little ill – until they’re in severe pain and/or really ill, and only then will it be sort of like a switch where their behaviour immediately changes and they show a lot of agitation and aggression.
They really can be mysterious creatures at times!
Well, there really was no severe changes, except when she was nice after I got another cat, then peeing and stopping all contact. The most bizarre thing was her trying to kill herself twice. For the most part, she was a bitch. I contacted a cat whisperer who was a hoax. Yes, I did care about her and would not have gotten her otherwise.
The more you tell me, the more strange her behaviour sounds to me. There really must’ve been something up if she was consistently behaving in such peculiar ways. Who knows, maybe she was also abused by a human as a kitten? It’s very good of you to have taken care of her til her last breath, albeit all the struggles you had with her.
http://crystalsphotobloggingsite.wordpress.com nominates you for the liebster award
Thank you so much! 🙂
this is a really good post. My readers on my blogs would love stuff like this. My last cat liked my mother and I but not dad. However she eventually came to like dad. Also we suspected that she was abused but not sure of this from her owners stories. Is it OK to put this on both of my WordPress blogs?
Thank you so much, Crystal! It’s so interesting how cats can grow accustomed to people over time, isn’t it? It’s completely possible that she was abused by a man, I think I’ve heard stories of cats hating all men or all women if they have been abused by someone of that gender in the past. Wish there was a way to know our cats’ stories! Would love to know what Avery’s life was like before us.
Feel free to share up to 1/3 of any of my articles on your blog with a link back to the full article. & thanks for asking! 🙂