While cats as a species have developed something of a reputation for being stand-offish and even at times cold, this reputation is nowhere near true of every cat.
Yes, some cats require very little attention and barely need interaction with another soul to stay happy, but that’s certainly not every cat.
Many prefer to have company around, even if they don’t directly interact with that company.
Then there’s another end of the spectrum – cats who need quite a lot of attention to maintain optimum levels of happiness.
What level of attention your particular cat needs seems to depend partially on breed, though more or less comes down to the individual cat’s personality.
Not every cry for attention is made simply for attention.
Sometimes, cats will cry or whine, howl or throw a tantrum, because they want us to notice and fulfill other wants and needs they have.
This is why it’s important to identify the reason behind attention-seeking behaviour before it’s assumed that a cat simply wants more attention from you.
If you have a cat seeking attention to get something like food (other wants are listed below) – fulfill the want or need and your cat should end up in regular levels of attention-seeking territory.
If you’ve eliminated all other possibilities, meaning it must be that your cat simply wants more attention, and the amount is far more than you feel you can provide, needless to say, this is an issue you should immediately take steps toward resolving.
It’s detrimental to your cat if he or she does not get as much attention as he or she needs.
I’ve outlined a few different options you have in a case like this below.
Now let’s get into the nitty gritty!
Why does my cat want so much attention?
There are a few different reasons your cat may want a lot of attention:
- Your cat may be sick or not feeling well and trying to let you know.
- Your cat may be trying to get your attention constantly just because he or she knows you will give him or her food.
- Your cat may be bored, and using you as entertainment.
- Your cat may have too much energy and may be asking you to engage him or her in playtime.
- Your cat may just happen to like and need more attention than other cats.
How can I remedy the attention-seeking?
Since there really aren’t that many options, it’s actually quite easy to figure out which motive is the root of your cat’s attention-seeking behaviour, and from there, to fulfill the desire/need so your cat won’t require so much attention from you.
1 – Looking to figure out if your cat might be sick? Use the assessment techniques discussed in this article: Kitty Keeps Crying: How Do I Know If My Cat is Sick or Just Vocal?
2 – Suspect your cat might be trying to get your attention for some tasty grub? You might have accidentally trained your cat to beg for food! Don’t worry, though, if this is the case, you can 100% train your cat out of this behaviour!
3 – Think your cat might be bored? Try one solid day of entertaining your cat with toys and stimulation like videos for cats on YouTube, and no other attention.
If your cat doesn’t bother you because he or she was well entertained, you’ve got your answer: you’ve got to make your cat’s living circumstance more interesting than it is to keep your cat happier.
Looking for tips that outline how to do this? Try some of the ones discussed here: Bored Kitty? Hands-Off Ways to Keep an Indoor Cat Entertained.
4 – Think your cat may be trying to tell you he or she’s hyper and wants to play? Try engaging in playtime with your kitty more frequently and for longer periods of time to see if that helps reduce your cat’s attention-seeking behaviour.
This turn out to be the issue? Invest in a few toys cats can play with by themselves, as well as high-energy exercise toys so when your cat does play, he or she is drained of as much energy as possible (which will hopefully tucker him/her out).
5 – Tried everything else? Nothing seem to work? Your cat may just really like and need attention. What can you do about this to make your life easier and to make your cat happier?
My recommendation: get a second (or third) cat – one with a similar personality to your attention-loving cat – to keep that kitty company.
It can be lonely being the only cat in a household, or being the only attention-loving pet in a household, especially when we pet parents are out a lot of the day for work and other obligations. (See more of my thoughts on this in the section, “My cat’s a complete attention whore and I can’t handle it” below).
I don’t mind my cat’s attention-seeking: I mind that my cat…
Cries for attention
Make sure your cat is not crying for attention because it’s sick, wants to play, or simply because he or she wants food.
If your cat has been taken to the vet and you believe he or she is not sick, but think your cat could be begging for food all day, the simplest solution (in my personal experience), is getting a timed/automated cat feeder.
I bought the Petsafe Simply Feed, placed it on top of a stool, then attached a slow feeder toy, the Catit Food Maze, beneath (because my cats eat too quickly), and it solved the begging issues completely.
To be honest, it solved a lot of other issues as well, from concerns over food theft to my cats not getting along in part because one cat was moody and would pick fights whenever he got hungry.
If you think your cat could be begging for playtime way too regularly for you to handle, try playing with your cat twice a day at exactly the same time every day.
If your cat stops whining other times, it may be the case that he or she is only crying for playtime, and so having the consistency (say once in the morning and once before bed) should mean your cat only cries for play when he or she expects playtime to happen at the two times a day you consistently play.
The resolution if you determine this is the case should be a lot more self-play cat toys scattered around the house, so your cat can play by him or herself if he or she wants to.
The top three in my household are: cat springs, ball track toys, & kick sticks. I’d definitely recommend trying them out if you haven’t yet.
None of these issues seem to be the problem? Sure your cat is crying for attention just for attention’s sake? Not a fan of this behaviour, but fine with giving extra attention if it wasn’t for the crying?
The simple solution is this: train your cat that silence will get him or her attention by only giving out cuddles, affection, and love when your cat is quiet.
Cat throwing a whining-spree to get you to look his or her way? Don’t look.
Wait until the meowing stops, wait another couple minutes after that, then go pay attention to your kitty.
Don’t let yourself slip into the habit of only paying attention to your cat when he or she throws a crying fit or your cat will train itself that the only way to get attention is through crying.
Bites or scratches to get attention
If your cat bites or scratches you to get your attention, make sure to say, “No!”
When it happens, then ignore your cat. Or skip the, “No” and ignore your pet altogether when this happens.
Just like if your cat is meowing to get attention, ignore the behaviour you don’t like and when your cat is behaving in a way that you do like, then and only then give your cat attention.
Giving attention when a cat is biting and scratching will teach a cat these things get them what they want, and negative attention for some cats is better than no attention at all.
Make sure to give your cat plenty of affection when he or she is behaving.
Don’t forget to do this! As if you forget about being affectionate with your cat when he or she is behaving nicely, he or she may act out just to grab that attention back.
And again, don’t let yourself slip up: always ignore bad behaviours after the initial, “No!” or even from the beginning.
Otherwise, your cat may train itself to misbehave for attention.
Howls and meows loudly for attention
Yet again, confirm your cat is not crying for attention because it’s sick, or simply because he or she wants food, and if neither of those is true, make sure to ignore the bad behaviour and encourage good behaviour by only giving attention when your kitty’s being good.
Have issues with howls and loud meows at certain times of the day?
Early in the morning? Chances are good your cat is waking you up because he or she wants breakfast, and for no other reason.
How can you fix that? Change feeding times: don’t feed your cat first thing in the morning!
Wake up an hour or two before you have to leave and then feed before you take off, so kitty no longer associates waking you up with an immediate bite of kibble.
Late at night? Kitty may have got a burst of energy and want to play.
How can you fix this so it doesn’t keep happening? Make sure to help your cat get out playful energy during the day by engaging your cat in playtime during your waking hours.
You can also grab a few cat toys kitties can play with by themselves so if the cry for playtime happens at night, you can kick your cat into the living room to release his or her energy on the cat toys instead of you.
My cat’s a complete attention whore and I can’t handle it. What can I do?
Honestly, if your cat craves attention and you are a one-kitty household, you really need to consider getting a second cat.
Preferably one with the same kind of personality (snuggly or playful or outgoing combined with attention-loving) as the first so that they’ll get along.
Your cat needs a playmate if he or she is constantly vying for your attention and still not getting enough of it.
Have two cats in your household already? It could be that one of your cats isn’t into attention the same way the other cat is.
The attention-seeking cat may have no choice but to come to you for the attention he or she wants and needs if your other cat isn’t a fan of giving out much attention.
Again, the simplest resolution – in my mind – is to adopt another attention-loving cat with a similar personality type to keep the one you’ve already got company.
Have a cat with feline leukemia or another disease and thus feel you cannot adopt a second for that reason? Talk to your vet about potentially adopting a second cat with the same ailment.
To my knowledge, this should be a viable workaround, and you’d be doing the new cat a huge favour, since these cats are much more difficult to adopt out in the first place.
The only other options I can think of are to invite somebody over to play with and spend time with your kitty during the day while you’re out at work, to adopt a friendly dog if that’s something you’d prefer, or to allow your cat to become an outdoor cat if he or she is currently an indoor cat – if this is a safe option and something you’d strongly consider.
But it still seems to me that getting a companion attention-loving pet to keep your cat company is the best option.
What Would You Recommend to Attention-Loving Cat Owners?
Have you ever had a cat that’s really loved attention? Has it ever become an issue where you felt you couldn’t prove that cat with as much attention as it needed to keep it happy?
What would you recommend for pet owners in situations like this? Do you think adopting a second cat with a similar attention-loving personality trait is the only way to keep a cat like this happy?
What would you recommend those with multiple cats already do if they find one of their cats needs a lot more attention than the others?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below – your words could really help someone!
Christy Bryant says
This literally didn’t work on my old cat. I tried to train her every day like this. She would meow at the door 10 hours straight, no break. Every night and every day. I tried to train her to wait for my attention, but she would just scream all day no break. Needless to say, I never gave in, because I was trying to be firm with what I was training her to do. Eventually as I stayed firm she would get worse. She wanted so much attention I couldn’t even leave the house. I’d come home and the house looked like a tornado hit it. After this I tried to get her a feline friend to keep her company. Didn’t work. She would just terrorize the poor cat day in and day out. After a while I could read what the cat was trying to say, especially with the violent behavior towards the other cat. She was telling both the cat and me, that this was her house. I realized then the cat was trying to train me and not me train her. I eventually had to give the cat to another family because of her behavior. I still feel a sense of guilt, I didn’t know what to do. If only I had cat daddy Jackson Galaxy at the time.
Wisdom says
My situation is very similar to yours. If I ignore her because I’m simply eating or sleeping and want to train her that I can’t play with her or pet her 24/7, she then just goes to my resident, who’s always minding her own buisness, and harasses my resident cat by tackling and biting her, and I have to put her back in base camp because my resident is in a hissing/growling fit, and trying to let her know that that behavior is not how you do it. But I’m afraid that me picking her up to seperate them is giving her the attention she wants, and sge gets into the habit of resorting to doing this for attention. My poor resident doesn’t deserve this, I’ve tried everything and don’t know what to do. The ONLY time she’s silent is when I’m petting or holding her. She’s also started grabbing my hand as soon as I stop petting her. I have lost weeks of sleep.
Elise Xavier says
Oh my word! She sounds so incredibly attached to you if that’s the only time she’s silent. Hopefully she calms down a bit over time and learns to trust that you are going to stick around, as this sounds very stressful, especially since it’s causing a lack of sleep.
Emily says
Please help..
I got my cat a year ago. She used to live with another family but they couldnt keep her so I adopted her. She was very shy at first and was very quiet. However, we have since moved and she has gotten very loud. She cries all hours of the day and I dont know what to do anymore. I take her on walks on a lead outside and i give her plenty of toys. I keep the window with a screen open all day so she can watch the birds. But she cries and when I dont answer her cries she bats me with her claws. I cant let her out of my room at night due to our living situation. I love her so so much but I dont know what to do. She wont let me sleep and I dont know if shes happy.. I cant spend every minute with her entertaining her.. any help appreciated.
Lisa says
My cats are rescues. All three of them are just 2yrs old, in good health. And they all get along with each other. However, they break everything in my kitchen. They push appliances off the bench. If you open any food tin they jump up and try and guzzle whatever is in it immediately and even if you push them away they just repeat ad infinitum. None of them particularly like me or my company. They rarely seek me out. They just love to pull my house apart. Two of them sleep with me in my room at night and they both cuddle up on the end of my bed. The third one is happier sleeping in her own room with her igloo there. But the boy cat wakes me up everyday scratching the door to get out. I’ve tried everything, toys, plenty of romping time together, playing with them for hours to exhaust them and even feeding them double what they already get in case it was hunger. None of it worked, they will just guzzle food until they vomit. They have no portion control and act as if they are starved. One of them has now taken to scraping his paw in my plantation shutters and yowling. They have run of the house at night and run of an outdoor enclosure in the day. Honestly I’m ready to ring the breeder of the twins up and ask her to take them back. I’m certain now they were rehomed because the previous owner could not handle this behaviour. I can’t handle it either, I now spend most of everyday away from these cats as they are just too tiresome to be around. Sorry if this sounds horrible. I used to love cats, I had a prior pair for 15yrs. But these cats are too much. They are frankly horrible and make me regret ever taking on new pets. I wish to God I had not adopted them.
Tammy says
We solved the problem of 3-4 yr. old kitty meowing at the bedroom door. At night, we put her in another room on a chair facing the street. Now it’s a pattern she waits for when we go to bed. Our problem is her wanting constant petting; she hates the lap, which is odd to me. I moved from sofa to a single chair but now she rubber bands to my husband for constant petting when he sits down on sofa. She still comes over to me for petting. She even went to my visiting sister for petting! Don’t think her mom gave her any attention. I think an old widow who lives alone and loves to give attention might be the answer. But where do you find her? I neither have the time nor desire to give her 24/7 attention whenever she wakes up, in which her sleeping is the only rest I get. Anyone got some answers? No, don’t want two cats. This one is a rescue. Thanks Tammy
Elise Xavier says
This is a tough one. Maybe try giving her cuddles at a specific point of day so she comes to expect them always and only really then? So like cuddles whenever watching TV for the first 10 minutes then no more, only naps next to you, or concentrated cuddles first thing after breakfast, then no more. Maybe upping the concentration of the petting for those points, then creating a routine around it will be enough for her.
Jenny says
My two kitties are very needy. They are sisters, adopted them at 12 weeks and they’re about 8 months now. They’re both very friendly and affectionate, will follow me around the house all day. They love to play and be pet. One of them has a habit of kneading me till she falls asleep, like I’m her momma, she usually does this every night as soon as I get into bed.
As much as I love their neediness and affection, they wake me up around 4 AM every single night wanting attention. If we lock them out of the bedroom they will meow because they want to be around someone. If I don’t lock them out, they will wake me up purring, just wanting attention from me. It’s got to the point where my husband and I sleep in separate rooms just so he can get a full nights rest. We live in an apartment so it’s not feasible letting them be outdoor cats.
My husband thinks we should be disciplining them when they start to meow, but I don’t think that method works. Should we just ignore the meowing? Because we tried this when we first got them and it didn’t work. I never feed them when they wake us up so I don’t think it’s food they want. I hope they grow out of it soon… Or will it go on forever… Sorry for the lengthy comment. I’m just desperate for some suggestions or tips because my husband and I don’t want to sleep in separate rooms anymore 🙁
Elise Xavier says
I’m lucky insofar as my husband is a heavy sleeper while I’m a light sleeper. So even if my cats wake me up 3 times a night meowing, my husband typically never notices.
In your case, here’s what I’d try:
When they wake you up seeking attention, lock them out of the room to see if they develop an understanding that waking you up means they get the opposite of cuddles and attention – it means being physically removed and not even getting to sleep by you. I don’t think disciplining will work with them because it doesn’t seem to work all that well for attention-loving cats in general, as they are still getting some form of attention, even if it is negative attention.
If they meow outside your door and it bothers you, keep them in a separate room decked out with everything they may want or need (water, toys, food, scratch post, litter box, window for a view, etc.) and only let them out of their room when you’re up properly for the morning. I think this is your best bet because I think they’re likely to stop waking you up so they can at least get to spend the night cuddled up with you, even though they’re not actively being pet.
Besides that, tucker them out with as much play as physically possible before bed. Try these kitten toys and these exercise toys as they’re really high energy toys that aren’t just mentally stimulating but physically exhausting (in a good way) to engage with. I also find keeping cats awake in the morning makes it much more likely they will sleep through the night, so if you see your kitties asleep for a long time in the morning, try waking them up for a play session or a cuddle. The more nap hours they clock in the day, the more wired they’ll typically be at night.
Finally, yes, kittens do usually chill out eventually with the nighttime attention-seeking, and yours are still young, so there’s a good chance of that happening. But trying the other tips may help from now, and may help them develop a habit of sleeping with you the whole night rather than sleeping in the morning and waking up wanting attention at night or dawn and dusk, which is a cat’s standard until they adjust to human sleep patters, which a lot of them do.
Good luck, and let me know if you try something and it does/doesn’t work!
Andrew says
Our cat does this to me frequently, and if I refuse to get up ( often about 4am) he will scratch the headboard etc. I decided it wasn’t practical to pretend to be asleep while he vandalises the bedroom, so I have taken to getting up, but not rewarding him with attention or food. Often I will go back to bed and he will happily snuggle down with me. It feels to me like a habit that just needs breaking. You need to be determined and consistent. Eventually and hopefully behaviours change if not rewarded. It is important to reward good behaviour. It’s hard not to get grumpy with them, or feel they should be punished if they damage something, but I feel a reward – play, cuddle, treat for good behaviour works far better than shouting at them and then dealing with your guilt and their anxiety.
Sharon says
I have seven cats and live on acreage where the cats can go outside during the day, loads of toys and a buffet of wet and dry food yet my cats are never satisfied. How do I fix this?
Elise Xavier says
My goodness! What sociable cats! Sounds like you need to open a petting zoo and have a herd of children come over to pet them and play with them once a week. Kidding, sort of! I wish I had actual practical advice but it sounds to me like you’ve done pretty much everything in your power to keep them happy and busy. I guess they just adore your attention.
Anyone have tips/advice for Sharon?
Eastside Cats says
Interesting post! Both Manny and Chili Bruce require such a higher degree of interaction than our ‘old’ cats. We are concerned about overfeeding them, but they run and play and jump and climb and tussle so much…they seem to be using up all of those calories! It’s still early days yet; we’ll all settle into more of a routine as we iron one out.
Elise Xavier says
I wonder if they’ll stay that way or grow out of it! I feel like very active cats usually stay that way (though they do mellow out a little) over time, but who knows!
Always felt that if a cat doesn’t visibly look like he or she is gaining extra weight, the amount you’re feeding them must be just right. Not sure if this is completely true, but I know when I start overfeeding Avery, he starts showing it and I know to lessen up on the calories! Definitely takes some time to figure out though since every cat’s size and exercise level is different.
Mary Bragg says
My sister had 2 cats she raised from babies. They didn’t even have their eyes open yet so she’s mommy. One, that has since died, like to sleep with other cats and was more social. Otis, the one that’s still living (15 yrs old), is shy around strangers. He will hide. He is somewhat vocal since Milo died. He climbs into her arms and lies across her chest and purrs when when let’s him. He’d do it most of the day if she did. She’ll put him down and he’s rubber band kitty trying to be unobtrusive as he tries to get back in her arms. He tries to sleep on her hip when she’s not restless.
Elise Xavier says
Too cute! I don’t mind cats craving attention so long as they’re proactive like Otis sounds like he is and climb up onto you or in your arms to be with you. My only issue is when Avery cries at me from across the room for attention instead of just jumping into my lap for cuddles – but this behaviour he’s slowly learning to change since lap cuddles are immediate when he “takes the leap” so to speak. Love rubber band kitties, I personally think are so lovely to have around. Really appreciate their company.