Welcome to the hooman adoption outreach program for the KittyClysm* superior race (cats) appreciation community.
We are understaffed and underfunded so pls excuz our terribad markting presentation and neverending typ0s.
H00mans don’t know how to make a budget. Prioritize, I told them already. Kibbl first and they can’t even get that 1 rite.
I m Athos. U knew? Ok fine, but make sure you don’t wiggle when I lap nap because even tho u got points, that’s -913 so u would still fail the test. Now let me get on, stop wasting valuable sun-belly time…
Ru a hooman in need of a place to ramble on and on about the superior race (cats) without lesser hoomans looking at u like you’re (obviously) going to drown while cleaning yourself with literal pouring rain that u seem to think is safe (????) … (don’t worry, we saved u again, we made lifeguards for that).
Ru a hooman who likes to share your ideas when you think they could help other hoomans be better slav-(uhm…) servants(?) to the superior race (cats, obviously).
Ru a hooman who just literally loves the superior race (obviously…), and knows even just one thing about us (like we r awsome) and want to learn infinite facts about us (the superior race, cat) because cats are superior n wunderful n gracious to u humans with our cuddles (we know)?
You need to enlist–er–join.
Didn’t fill the form yet? This is a whiskered intervention where we tell you we’re unionizing and going to stare at you endlessly until you relent to our wishes.
Snap we already do that, k so we’ll non stop meow and crying until you – eerr, drat used that one today, even.
Okay I got it. We will all strike and stop guarding you when you poop.
Yes we notice you look at us funny when we do it, but we know deep down you can’t show it but you love it. Besides, there are reasons.
We do it on purpose, just because you could only begin to scratch the surface when it comes to understanding our ways, doesn’t mean it’s not imoportant. Maybe you could understand more if you sort out your messy h00man brains filled with pointless things like “work” and “chores.” Prioritize. Kibbl.
Let the wind clean. Why do you think we don’t need any of those monsters you call vac-OOMs roaming our land and om noming our fluff before it becomes tumbleweed. It’s because wind cleans. We have it trained. You should try it.
What’s after priority 1? Ha! So obvious. Go lie in the sun.
Ok not yet, first, just do the weird form and start telling other h00mans what to do in the comments because I know you know things about the superior race (obviously), your cats shared them with you, but we’re only allowed to share 1 secret at a time (it’s a code, it helps us maintain our too-cool reputation, shoot just shared 1).
Anyways, you have to help them. The other ppls. The h00mans who don’t know. I pretended this was a request, but its not. Do it. And I know where you keep the kibbl, so don’t get any ideas.
Done? Fine. We can move on. Let me go scratch the sofa for you, I know you love it when I do that, too.
You have to pretend you hate it because other h00mans don’t appreciate my line art because they don’t read cat. You don’t read cat but you can appreciate the art.
Anyways after that I will bite then lick your hand as you pet me. I know you haven’t figured out why I do it yet, that’s why you silly h00mans need to talk to each other.
Now time for kibbl.
