If you’re here, my guess is you’ve came across this article because you were looking for a solution to a problem you already have, or one you’re expecting to have in the upcoming months.
Either you’ve taken in multiple cats, and at least one of them doesn’t get along with another, you’ve just adopted a second cat, or you’re hoping to adopt kitty #2 and are trying to troubleshoot before issues even crop up.
No matter the situation you’re in, this article should definitely help. And I honestly believe that even if you’ve been living in a household where two or more of your cats haven’t gotten along for years, some combination of the tips I’ll be presenting should work to relieve the tension.
You may not get perfect peace and harmony at home, but you should see some results, at least in most situations. But you do have to be a little patient, because in my experience, these tips take time to have proper effect. Have time on your hands? I certainly believe you can make it work!
In terms of what’s already been published on this blog in this vein – first, before I even had a second cat myself, I wrote about how only-child Velcro cat personalities change sometimes the second a newcomer feline hits the household.
Some only-child lap cats do change, and I was worried about this happening in my own household when I took in kitty #2. Wanted to see what other pet parents were saying, and put together the piece based on what I found on forums, Reddit threads, and stories posted elsewhere online.
Then, as often happens in life, fate struck and I didn’t have much of a choice but to adopt a neighbourhood feral/stray we fell in love with. We took in cat number 2, and I was happy to announce in a new article, my lap cat’s personality absolutely did not change when the newcomer came into his home.
Now there’s this article, for those who need help in the getting along department. Because while my first kitty’s personality didn’t do a 180, his stress levels went through the roof, and yes there was absolutely a heck of a lot of fighting initially.
I think my first cat’s backstory is an important element in his tension toward the second cat, so let me catch you up on that in case you’re completely new to this blog.
My husband and I took in a stray/feral cat back in 2013, a male whom we named Avery, when we were living in Canada. We moved with him a slew of times, once to a new continent and twice to a new country (from Canada to the UK, then from the UK to Portugal).
He lived as a single/only child cat all that time, with about a month of his life spent under the same roof as another cat, when we were living at my mother’s while we were getting ready to head off to the UK.
In that time, Avery was always separated from the other cat, unless supervised and on a harness for a few hours visit a day with the other cat. I wanted to make sure if a fight broke out, I could easily pull Avery out of a fight, though luckily, that never happened (most likely because the cats were constantly monitored).
We always wanted to adopt a second, but the timing wasn’t right for ages, first because of the move to the UK (which we thought was permanent), then because we needed more space to be comfortable adjusting Avery to living with a sibling, and we lived in a studio for two years while in the UK.
Once we moved to Portugal, into a big enough house, fate intervened again, and an incredibly friendly neighbourhood cat just wouldn’t leave our property, so we also took him in once we realized he had no home. This new cat, Bjorn, is also male, and is roughly 3-4 – absolutely not a kitten.
So I expected problems to say the least. Two adults thrown together when one is not at all used to cohabiting with other cats is typically completely inadvisable. Two cats of the same gender is typically not advised if you want to have an easy time as well.
But we weren’t about to turn the new cat away – it’s not as though we had much of a choice. Things sort of had to work, so I got to work testing, trying different things. It’s been months now, and yes, I’ve had major success.
I first want to note – I didn’t ever really care if the two liked each other. I still wouldn’t say they like each other now, but they absolutely, 100% get along. By this I mean, they don’t fight anymore, besides the occasional teeny spat once in a blue moon.
They are not aggressive with each other like they used to be (well really, it’s just the one who was aggressive). They even eat together (not all meals yet, and this took time, but we’ll get to that), without issue. They are successfully cohabiting together and they are by all measures getting along, even though they aren’t BFFs or anything of the sort.
I may see some progress yet on the BFF front. I feel there’s still room for that in their relationship, and if the two do get to that point, I will write an update post about it. But for those of you who just want to keep the peace, just want two of your favourite felines to get along at bare minimum, without anxiety and bloodshed, I have plenty of advice for you based on my experiences over these past couple months.
Is it possible to get more than two cats to get along using these techniques? I’d say yes, but it may be tricky as a lot of what I’ve done depends on sectioning off cats, so you may need as many rooms as cats to try to get them all to get along simultaneously. But I think it’s perfectly doable, even if it might take longer.
That being said, if you have any control over the situation, I would absolutely advise only adopting in a new cat once the old cats have gotten along acceptably. Then it’s just the newcomer who has to get used to the clowder, and the clowder that has to get along with the newcomer, and so only one cat (the newbie) needs to be sectioned off temporarily.
Okay enough preamble, time to get into get into the meat of this article. (Edit 2024-01-26: I wrote an article here that is somewhat of a follow up to this one, check it out later if you’re interested).
How I Got My Two Male, Adult Cats (Who Fought at First) to Get Along
The most important thing I learned during this whole process, and the only thing you should keep in mind if you’re going to take away anything from this article is the following:
Probably the only reason your cats are not getting along is because they are stressed.
You may have guessed this already. A lot comes down to stress and anxiety when you’re talking about abnormal, aggressive, and/or unhealthy behaviour. It’s a catch-all, but it’s a good one, and you can do ever-so-much for your felines just by reducing stress levels.
If your cats are not stressed, they should be getting along. If your cats are fighting aggressively, if they’re hissing, if they’re hiding from one another, there’s something going on that may or may not have to do directly with the other cat.
Your stressed cat may just be taking out his or her anxiety on the other cat.
There’s a good chance there’s a lot more anxiety because of the second cat, but keeping in mind it’s all about stress and not really about the other cat should really help you to remedy the situation.
So one cat’s bullying another. One cat’s being aggressive toward another. Both cats are being aggressive to each other. Cats are fighting over resources. Whatever the case may be. It’s stress. Get rid of that, you’re on your way to peace at home, even if there’s not much hand holding, cuddling, and love – they should be getting along to the point where blood will not be shed and fits of hissing will be few and far between.
I’ve discussed this thoroughly already in my article about how Avery’s personality didn’t change when we took in Bjorn, instead his stress levels did. I did a lot of things those first couple months to make the transition for Avery as stress-free as possible. The rundown being:
- Initially, I never fed them together.
- I gave Avery breaks from having to deal with Bjorn, and Bjorn a break from potential violence.
- For months, I only allowed them to interact while I was physically at home.
- For especially stressful parts of the day, like before meals, I would trap Avery and Bjorn together in a room with me monitoring.
- I started sitting training sessions (fueled by kibble bribes!) with Avery and Bjorn together.
- I had many different hiding spots, sleeping spaces, scratching posts, and even litter boxes out, to try to eliminate competition over these resources, and motored both cats’ use of them closely.
I’m not going to go over this in full again, so if you’re curious about any of these steps, you can read about them in this article here.
Doing all this wasn’t enough to get Avery and Bjorn to get along in my absence, but it was a huge step forward. If I had to stress the important part of those first few days the TLDR; is as follows:
- Until you’re sure no fighting will take place in your absence, separate cats unless you’re present with them. This means creating a safe-room for cats away from the others, one decked out with everything the cat could want or need and that you can place your cat in (for safety and to reduce stress), at a moment’s notice.
- Create as many happy or neutral moments when they finally are allowed together in the same space, and absolutely always separate the cats by placing a cat in a safe room when stressful situations may happen (for me this was when hunger struck Avery, right before feedings).
- Eliminate any and all stress your individual cats might be feeling as much as possible. This includes making sure resources are plentiful (lots of places to scratch, drink, use the litter, sleep, play, etc.). It also includes intuiting issues your aggressor has with his or her environment (not enough stimulation/play, for instance), and trying to make up for them (increasing playtime and/or frequency of play).
These three steps should absolutely carry you over to having peace within your little clowder of cats.
The Particulars: How I Reduced My Aggressive Cat’s Stress in Specific Ways
In terms of stress reduction, Avery was really the only cat I had to pay attention to. He was the aggressor, and he was the one obviously stressed out by interactions with Bjorn.
Bjorn was never phased or bothered by Avery’s presence at all. My guess is this was because he was used to interacting positively with other cats. It may also have been because he was used to getting into pretty bad fights (we used to see him defend “his territory” i.e. our property by chasing off other feral cats all the way down the street), and maybe, by comparison to the bad fights he likely got into, Avery’s aggression didn’t phase him.
Either way, that left Avery whose stress I had to alleviate. The majority of his stress came from only a few different places. Your cat may have a slew of different sources of anxiety, some which may or may not be related to your other cat. As you’ll see from my examples, very few of Avery’s anxiety triggers that converted into aggression had anything to do with Bjorn.
Having trouble coming up with solutions to your cat’s source of anxiety? Some examples include things like, construction next door being too loud, a neighbourhood cat visiting bothers your aggressive cat, or even you moving to a new house recently.
That being said, do let me know in the comments if you need help brainstorming, and I’ll try my best to help you come up with a few different things to test; hopefully one or more suggestions will help.
Let’s get into what Avery’s issues were, and what fixes I used to tackle these problems.
Problem 1: Energy bursts (converted to aggression) at odd hours of the day.
Avery absolutely is not a really playful cat. As a matter of fact, he’s probably the laziest cat I know. This didn’t end up translating into a positive, chill attitude toward his new furry sibling. He, like most other cats, was full of pent up energy – “zoomies” as some like to call the running around cats do when they become hyperactive – and these struck typically late at night after he ate his final meal.
For Avery, being stubborn and not liking to play with much meant that when he got hyperactive, it wasn’t easy for me to release his pent up energy.
who’s notorious for not only ignoring toys to play with on his own, but also that translated
Solutions: More frequent and longer play time sessions; more toys cats can play with on their own.
Luckily, there is one thing he will play with most days that also works amazingly well as an exercise toy. This toy tuckers him out with a lot of physical exercise within a very short span of time. The style of toy is a kicker toy, and right now, his favourite version (though he likes many) is the KONG Kickeroo.
I started making sure I used the cat toy with him as often as I could remember, 2-3 times a day, which translated to not long at all considering he’d drop the toy within 2-3 minutes of aggressively kicking at it with his hind legs.
My goal was for Avery to hopefully be spent of his prey drive by the time his zoomies typically arrived and turned into aggression toward his new brother. The frequency you should play with your cat if you have this problem (i.e. aggression from at least one cat toward another when they really just want to play) depends a lot on the cat in question. You can try increasing both the frequency and the length of the playtime sessions, and continue to up the activity levels until your cat is spent.
You absolutely should invest in a few high energy cat toys or use the ones you have lying around (feather wands are included on that list, I’d be surprised if you didn’t already have one of those around!); they’re not expensive but they do a better job than most cat toys at releasing energy in short bouts of time.
You should also try to grab at least a couple different types of self-play cat toys that cats can play with on their own – ones in particular you think your cat will love engaging with.
These are perfect in case you’re not home when your furry gets that kick-start to his or her prey drive, or in case your cat is happy to play by him or herself sometimes. Ridiculously handy. And yes, there are many cats will actually use on their own, though nothing can substitute for a human-involved play time for most cats.
Problem 2: Aggressive when moody due to feeling hungry.
This one was a little more obvious to me, but a little more difficult to fix. Avery and Bjorn got fed twice a day, and right before they ate, Avery typically chased Bjorn down and tried to take out his frustration on the poor thing. Obviously, I caught the hangry connection – it was difficult to miss.
Solutions: Separated right before meals; automatic feeder set to go off every 4 hours.
I started separating the two right before meals by keeping Bjorn in his room, or monitoring the two for around an hour before they ate by trapping them in the same room as I was in. Avery is never violent or aggressive with Bjorn unless he thinks I’m not watching, so this also worked – to an extent.
But if Avery felt hungry because he smelled human food and this made him moody enough to feel stressed, the same would happen – aggression – even if it was in the middle of the day. So I bit the bullet and for the sake of progress invested in an automatic pet feeder – one that was hard for my new, feral kitty to “break into” for more kibble – the PetSafe Healthy Pet Simply Feed. I scheduled the food to be let out once every 4 hours.
The feeder drops kibble into my Mogoko Cat Catch Interactive Feeder, as it’s the slow feed cat bowl I was previously using for Bjorn. I want to rig it to fall into the Catit Design Senses Food Maze, as it’s still by far the best feeder toy in my opinion, but to do so I’d have to elevate the timed feeder and brace it to a chair or something along those lines (Edit 2020/07/07: I did this ages ago by elevating it with a stool – perfect fix! You can see what I did in my review of the feeder here), so it can spew out the kibble into the top of such a tall puzzle toy. Haven’t gotten around to switching yet!
Without a feeder toy, Bjorn would eat all the kibble in 2 seconds flat since he’s still quite an aggressive eater. With the Mogoko, Avery gets in on the action a bit, but doesn’t in my opinion in on as much action as he should.
With the Catit, since it has three levels to go through before the kibble falls out and is thus much more tricky and takes much longer to get kibble out, I’m sure each cat will have the amount they need. It also makes the cats feel fuller as they eat, as they’re not able to guzzle down grub even close to as fast. Important to me, since it will likely train Bjorn to not be so food obsessed as it did with Avery over the years.
I can’t say the two haven’t fought since I implemented the automatic, timed feeder. That being said, I still haven’t set the food schedule to go off at night, and I think this would make a huge difference, so I’ll be starting to run it all day soon. Avery no longer fights with Bjorn during the day, and picks little to no fights at night even when he’s no longer monitored by me. With the food toy set to go off every 4 hours 24/7, I absolutely believe his anxiety will be reduced enough so that fights are extremely rare between them. Time will tell, but seeing how things have been going in the mornings, I’m very hopeful.
Problem 3: Bjorn’s feisty attitude bothers Avery.
Bjorn’s a pretty chill cat most of the time, but every so often, his inner wilder beast comes out and he’s a maniac. Not quite like Jekyll and Hyde, he’s more like Stitch after vs Experiment 626 before in the movie Lilo and Stitch. He sort of goes all weapon-of-mass-destruction around food, toys, and anything that gets him real excitable. And the way he walks is pretty quick, he hasn’t got much of an understanding of personal space – basically for a very low-key cat like Avery, Bjorn can be way too energetic, and maybe a little nuts. š
Solutions: Trained Bjorn to be calmer around food; fed two cats snacks (one for each cat at a time) together.
I started to train Avery and Bjorn to “sit” together, and this helped a lot with calming Bjorn down and showing Avery he could improve his feisty attitude. I detailed how I did that fully here, but basically that, in combination with the use of slow feeder toys, and honestly the introduction of the timed feeder (removing too much hunger from the equation really helped calm Bjorn down a lot), makes Avery a happy boy since he doesn’t have to deal with a wildling version of Bjorn all that often anymore.
Have a cat who often gets hyperactive, and an aggressor cat who hates it? Figure out how easy it would be to calm the hyperactive kitty down, or separate the cats for playtime and/or feeding (whenever the hyperactivity happens) until they’ve got a more healthy relationship between them.
Tips I Didn’t Have to Implement That You May Want To
In terms of advice I can think of to make cats a lot more happy, a lot less anxious, and thus a lot less likely to get into fights with one another, here are a slew off the top of my head:
Make sure you’re giving your cats enough attention. If one wants more, and the other doesn’t seem to get jealous, give the cat that needs more attention what he or she needs. If both cats are getting what they need, what you give doesn’t need to be equal. There’s only tension when a cat feels they’re lacking in something.
Make sure you have a tonne of places for cats to sleep, scratch, and use the litter. You do not want competition in these fields. Invest in small cat trees like the AmazonBasics Cat Scratching Post and Hammock or cardboard cat scratchers like the Necoichi Cat-Headed Cardboard Cat Scratcher Bed, as these typically have scratch posts or pads and cat beds, two-in-one essentially, if you need more of both beds and scratch spots, but don’t want to spend a lot (who does?).
Pay attention to who the aggressor is, and if it’s the same cat every time, try to reduce their anxiety. How? Pay attention to when they’re anxious, and when you find that cat bullying another cat, do things like try to play with him or her, or move him or her to a new sleeping spot/spot to scratch until you figure out what’s wrong.
Then be proactive. Try to reduce the chance that that kind of frustration will happen again by playing with your cat more like I did, for instance, or increasing the amount of spots your cat has to sleep or scratch on. If there’s a favourite spot and every cat likes it, get a second, or a third. Reduce tension and anxiety – it will help.
If there have been a lot of changes in your cat’s life up until this point, it may take your cat a while to recover. Cats hate change and the aggression toward another cat in my opinion often has little to nothing to do with that cat – just the levels of stress the first, aggressor cat has that sets him or her off.
Your aggressor is taking out their stress on the other cat, sort of like you’d do if you came home from a really hard day at work and your partner said something incredibly annoying. You’d snap, when typically you’d have more patience. Give your cat stress-free days for long enough and their lack of anxiety should help reduce the “snapping” to a great degree.
If you know a few different things your cat likes – specific spots to nap in, specific foods, treats, cuddles in sunny spots, scratching under his or her chin – do it. As much as you can. Spoil that cat rotten! He or she will be so much better off in terms of anxiety levels for it.
Do your absolute best under all circumstances to make sure a cat’s experience while being in the presence of the other cat is not negative. If you think something bad might happen, stress levels might be high, keep the cats apart for that time until the anxiety or threat passes.
This includes keeping your cats separated if they get moody before meals. It includes keeping them separated if you going out for long periods of time stresses your cat out. It includes keeping them separated if there are noisy construction hours which your cat seem to be unhappy with. Don’t let your cat associate the fear, anxiety, and disdain for a bad experience with another cat.
Do your absolute best under all circumstances to make sure a cat’s experience with another cat is going to be positive or neutral. Spoil your cats rotten in the presence of the cat they’re aggressive toward. Allow them to feel happy and care free in the presence of the other cat and they should start to associate happy emotions and feelings with the other cat.
Give your cats time. It takes ages to train cats to do something as simple as being comfortable to be driven around in a car, but you can train a cat to do that, and you can train a cat to be okay with another cat as well. Just don’t assume it’s going to happen on your schedule.
If you’re able, I’d firmly advise keeping cats separate unless you’re present with them as I did. Your cats already thrown together? No biggie, you can give one a room starting today if that cat has no issues having a room all to him or herself.
I find it helps all parties when they’re able to take breaks from one another. It helps you make sure your cats are always safe and no one is being picked on in your absence. It helps make sure you’re able to spot if there’s a particular source of anxiety in the aggressor cat. Finally, it means you can nearly guarantee all interactions will be either positive or neutral, as they will be really heavily controlled by you.
Your Turn: Advice for Encouraging Cats to Get Along?
Now I’d like to take to the comments and leave tips and advice for pet parents whose cats are not getting along.
Has this ever happened to you before? Did your cats ever get along? What did you try? What do you wish you tried? Please share your story.
Any thoughts you have on this topic – please leave down below! You absolutely would be helping so many pet parents out if they stumble across your comment.
Hi Elise, I have a family of cats (6). Dad, his name is Ghost, and the oldest, his name is Sye, do not get along. When Sye was young, mom, Misty, who is one eyed, and Ghost used to chase him down to the basement with hisses and snapping at his heels because he had feline herpes of the eyes. He still does now at 6 years of age, but he is a huge cat. He out grew his father both in weight and length. So, now for the last 2 yrs, we have had them separated. Ghost get the night shift out and free and Sye gets the days. Recently, Ghost decided he like the basement more since my son had a bedroom there and there was more space. But, now he wants to come upstairs. Sye will not let him. He guards the hall the door, and the stairs. He can not see well in the dark, so if Ghost is in the room, but a ways away from him, he does not attack. But Ghost often spills the beans by hissing! We want to have a peaceful home with the cats getting along. Do you have any ideas?
Hi Pat,
This is a tough one because I’ve seen firsthand how cruel cats can be to cats they otherwise have no problem with – if those cats are sick. And noticing a cat having feline herpes of the eyes I think definitely qualifies as a reason a cat would pick a fight with another cat.
That being said, in this case, I would say do your best to feed the cats together and do other activities they both love in their presence. It sounds to me like they might eventually get to a point where they leave each other alone, but it will take a considerable amount of effort to convince them that they’re no threat to the other.
I have some more advice/tips on this topic in this article, but sadly, while I would definitely keep trying with them, I do think there’s the potential that because of the herpes, dad sadly may never end up leaving Sye alone. I hope this isn’t the case, but it unfortunately might be.
Problem of trying to temporarily allow a 4 th cat into a 3 cat household thinking we should just keep her separated for the month they will be together. Any suggestions would be appreciated
I would definitely recommend keeping them separated for the month they will be together if you can. It’s not worth the stress of cats getting used to each other if it’s only a temporary thing and for a month. Definitely if you can make sure the 4th cat has a room to him or herself with everything needed, plus a view to a window to see outside. This will reduce the anxiety of all the cats on his or her short stay with you.
Good morning, I am really upset with the ct situation I have. My cat is approx 10 years old had for 6 years. My son had to move abroad and he asked if I could look after his cat. Well his cat and my cat do not get on I have tried fellaways and neck drops – no. last night his cat got into my lounge and attacked my cat again. My cat is living outside in the bushes most of the time has scratches over her face and body.= from getting right at the back of the bushes. His cat lives upstairs and is scratching the wallpaper and doors. She has a dirt tray upstairs which she uses but I feed her downstairs in a room opp my lounge. Glass door between. I cannot carry on like this I am seriously thinking of re-homing his cat but local center is full! please what can I do my cat if frightened of her. I have to grab her and lock her in the house especially as its cold and wet. HELP Cat protection cant help in anyway
If it’s possible, as a temporary measure, try to cage one cat for 2 hours at a time, and leave the other roaming, then cage the other cat and let the one who was in the cage free to roam for 2 hours.
Usually the issue is anxiety and stress, and the more a cat sees another cat in his or her space, but without issue arising, the more likely they are to get along. This situation helps foster that time spent together in peace with neither cat being at any sort of physical harm.
They should begin to relax far more with each other after a few days of this system, then after a week hopefully they will be at a stage where there is far, far more peace.
Other than that the best thing you can do is try to have the cats never in the same room as each other unmonitored. Like if you are going to leave the house and want them both in, make sure your cat has one room, with all resources in it (water, scratcher, litter box, window, etc.), and close off that room to the other cat, and let your son’s cat wander.
Keep doing the carrier trick as often as possible, and try to feed them in front of each other, ideally at the same time, and the more positive experiences with each other you can foster like this, the more likely they are to be able to get along.
It sounds like the cats are not problems to you, but their relationship is the problem, so crossing fingers these things will help their relationship with each other so you can find peace in your home.
Hello there,
My name is Audrey and I recently adopted a little void a week ago, named Jiji. Some background for ya. I have another cat named Merlin. He is a one years old and is a small Tuxedo. I’m not sure if the breed matters. Merlin is a great cat. He is quite affectionate and loves to groom me. He also likes to follow me and my fiancĆ©e around the house and be around us. He also LOVES belly rubs and as soon as I come home for the day we have a ritual where I will get on all fours and let him groom me and I’ll rub my head on him and vice versa. He is also a friendly cat. Still not too sure about strangers because we don’t have to many people over to begin with, but the people that do come he checks them out with sniffs and once even rubbed up on someone. I would not say he is a velcro kitty he does like his space and is sometimes content to nap away under one of the chairs.
I have kept them separated for the first couple of days with them being able to smell each under the door. Merlin initially reacted as expected. Lots of hissing, meowing, and went for Jiji’s paws under the door at one point. We put a towel in place to combat that. We also did lots of scent swapping and let Jiji explore each room slowly. By Thursday we had him in a cage in the main area with Merlin. Things seems to be ok, and Merlin looked interested, so I let him out. Over the weekend I saw progress. No hissing or growling. Some licks and light play and wrestling. They could also lay near each other and be calm. What I did see that was a little concerning was Merlin wrestles hard. I didn’t see any claws but his ears where back at times and did see him do some bites. But the thing that concerns me was Merlin wouldn’t leave him alone. He would act like he wants to play leaping out to pounce but when he starts to wrestle something switches and it’s like he won’t let go. He chases after Jiji and brings him back under him and sometimes when I clap loudly to separate them he has laid back and ears and a swishing tail that is sometimes puffy, and then after like 5 seconds chases after him again and wrestles him to the ground. I really don’t know if it’s play or a fight. Merlin also watches him like hawk at some points, he won’t let him out of his sight and zero’s in on him, I know it’s probably prey drive but I want him to be able to relax at some point.
Like this morning, for example, I let Jiji out while I got ready for work he and Merlin touched noses, I saw some licking and Jiji went to play with an interactive toy. Merlin watched for awhile then ate and batted at him once or twice and then walked around. I felt confident to take my eye off them to put work clothes on and when I came back out, they were wrestling. It looked ok at first but then I saw the pulling under and clapped. They separated but then Merlin started chasing him and did some bunny kicks on his back…I put Jiji back in the bedroom after that. Jiji had his mouth open but wasn’t hissing or meowing at Merlin while it was happening, but I don’t know it looked rough to me??
As I was leaving Merlin was meowing at the bedroom door as was Jiji like they wanted to see each other. Last night they were also angels, but I did notice some of the behavior starts at night and early morning but can also happen during the day so I’m not sure how to track this behavior. I have been separating them at night and then letting them meet in the morning and keeping Jiji in the bedroom when I go to work. Then when I get home, I let them meet for a bit and then put Merlin in the bedroom and let Jiji explore the house for a few hours before I go to bed. Lastly, I try to have one more meeting before bed and try to end it on a good note, but sometimes they are wrestling and that’s when it ends. I have been doing this ritual every day to make it a routine.
Another additional behavior I have noticed is that Jiji likes to eat Merlin’s big kitty food and Merlin doesn’t seem to mind sharing, because he will eat from the bowl too. But this makes it hard to get them to share a meal together because they won’t eat at the same time one is at the bowl, and when I try to give Jiji his kitten food he will take one or two bites and then go back over to Merlin’s food. If I try to him behind a door with his food to eat he will cry and not eat it. I also work most of the day so we have been free feeding, but I want to use automatic feeders but I’m not sure how to get them on a schedule when they are used to another routine.
Ok I think that is everything I had written in my journal to tell you. I would really appreciate some advice I feel like I have a literal human baby that I have to watch like a hawk and it’s a bit stressful. I hope you have a great day.
Best,
Audrey.
I have a 19 month old female ragdoll cat (Mocha) and a 12 week old female ragdoll cat (Moraya) (been here a month) who get along great now. I kept the 12 week old separated in a pet playpen when I couldn’t monitor her. A I let her out to play on my screened in porch. Eventually I had the older Ragdoll Mocha, come out on the porch with her. It didn’t take long before Mocha was playing with Moraya. Moraya is quite playful and gives Mocha lots of play time, sometimes too much. She gets crazy. So I decided to get a another female kitten. She is Marissa, an 8 week old siamese himalayan munchkin so she has shorter legs and very small. Mocha and Moraya are not too happy about her. I have kept Marissa in the pet playpen and let her out on the porch like I did with Moraya and also I bring her into my computer room and shut the door to play. Today I let Mocha sniff Marissa and she started to lick Marissa’s head then all of a sudden she hissed at her. It has been 4 days since I brought Marissa home. Should I keep doing what I’m doing? And for how long. Marissa cries when she’s in the pet playpen too long. She’s very energetic. Wants to be out playing but I’m not sure if it is too soon to let her out with the other 2 cats. Moraya seems to be more aggressive. She’s only been here a month. Any suggestions would be welcome. Thank you in advance.
hi there i currently had to move to japan and i couldnt bring my neutered male cat (tchalla) with me, heās good with his sisters from the same litter back at home and iām wanting to get another kitten while iām living in japan this kitten is also a male so iām wanting to know what i should do when i go back to the states in four years with my new kitten and have both of my cats together again. it would be the new male kitten and my cat tchalla im worried that they wonāt get along and getting another cat that is a male will lead to trouble, what do you think is the best thing to do?
Wish this article was written now and not then! Since yesterday my 2 cats (who had ZERO ISSUES with each other before, as I came home Friday and they were cuddling and kissing each other, and I have pics from 2019 where they r sleeping in the same chair together) can’t stand being in the same room together, and r first cat has been hiding this entire time only using the litterbox and eating/drinking once. The other cat’s previous owner must have treated him horribly, as me and my man cannot move a small trash bin or even sweep around the place without him hissing or acting skittish. They r both males and both sweethearts, and NEVER had this issue ever. Like sure one would tease the other and they would playfight, but now this is full on aggressive growling/hissing/spitting/meowling/ all claws out type fighting. We have tried separating them (putting one in the bathroom with a litterbox, food and water, as it’s the only place in the apartment with a door that’s not too crowded), comforting each separately whenever they come up to us, talking calmly to them (saying “It’s ok u silly boys, there is nothing to fight about”), but whenever they near each other, they got their mouths going in silent protest, puffed tails, then the meowling and growling starts, and we try it, it only seems to make things worse.
Sadly at this time we r also currently looking into vets that accept low income pet owners to get them neutered. So going to one and paying hundreds of dollars we don’t have at this time is not an option. We are also looking into Feliway, but unsure if we buy the one for single cats, despite it having a 700 ft. radius, will it help both cats, or will we have to spend more for the multi-cat one, and in the meantime what can be done till we can come up with that sort of money on a fixed disability income, as currently they have more food and resources than we do to for ourselves rn, and the one we got from an abuser of both women and cats (I am a witness to the abuser of women part as he’s my ex from a 7 year abusive relationship) refuses to eat wet food. Dunno what happened, he was liking it for a bit with us, then suddenly stopped eating any wet food given to him, so obviously his brother from another mother obliged.
They were so cute together when they were younger, and now suddenly for 2 days straight they don’t even like being near each other. Any tips on what we can do for now? Perhaps catnip or something to help them get along? As my man is now contemplating calling the SPCA to get rid of the one we got a few years back from an abusive POS. On any other day he’s a lovable chonk who loves butt scritches and giving super strong (not to mention wet-nosed) nudges, and head bonks where he literally asks to be kissed right in that spot his head was presented to meomy or daddy’s mouth, and as for the one who is now hiding, snuggles with meowmy while sleeping (sometimes I don’t notice and accidentally boop him in the brains with a hand or elbow), meows for her when she leaves for college, and interrupts meowmy when busy and overwhelmed with assignments just to suckle on any exposed part of skin he can find, and has always done this, even when we first got him. The previous owner used to bring the chonk down for visits before having to move out of the city and being unable to take the kitty with him, and the kitty we had DID have a brother, just he passed away at a young age from the landlord wanting us to put some powder down for ants and fleas (we never had fleas before getting r kitties, just a month or so later and they were and the one still is, and indoor cat) and him licking it, getting sick, and us having no one to help us in an emergency, telling us to wait it out, when that only made things worse. The other cat died in my man’s arms, while the humane society van was sitting at the corner looking for the address, while he was yelling and flagging the man in the van with no luck. So when the prick got kicked out and had no place for his cat, he gave him to us, as they were getting along with visits that sometimes lasted a couple of days. When he was gone, the kitty we have would meow and look for his “brother”. Odd thing was, we tried him with orange tabbies and he DID NOT like them at all, and immediately started hissing and attacking each other, but when this pure black with a white spot on the front of his neck came along, they only sniffed each other and accepted each other quickly. So now I am looking into getting a Feliway diffuser at the end of the month but seeing ppl claim it nearly caught their place on fire and started smoking, I’m not too sure now. It’s now 8pm EST and they r still going at it day 2. They used to be fine and now I’m worried.
Two unneutered males are bound to fight.
They didn’t fight when they were young because they didn’t have sex hormones racing through their bodies then…now they do.
Both of them need to be desexed if there is ever going to be harmony between them again. In the wild males fight males to decide who gets the female. They will keep fighting unless they are desexed.
You need to forget about the Fewliway and save the money youād spend on diffusers on neutering your cats instead. Neuter surgery does not cost āhundreds of dollarsā if you shop around for vets, and there are clinics (Humane Society, ASPCA) who sometimes spay/neuter for free. No amount of training or pheromones will get two un-neutered males to stop fighting. Iām sorry, but if you/you and your partner are both on fixed disability incomes, you should not consider Feliway until both of your cats are neutered.
I have two cats that are litter mates and same sex but altered. I have moved twice with them and occasionally the bossy cat will get aggressive with her sister. Never really able to figure the trigger but I tried a solution suggested by a cat shelter employee. In a small 1 oz catnip spray bottle (I buy these at Walmart or other pet stores). Once they are emptied I use vanilla with a small amount of vodka as a binder to the vanilla. You use a very small amount of vodka and the rest is vanilla. Scent is everything to cats! So the spray is administered at the backend of each cat tail area. They do not need to be drenched and the smell is not overpowering or toxic. They now smell the same and retire to groom. Not a perfect solution but it has helped aggression issues in my home. I have tried pheromone plugs but costly and not all the effective unless cats are in very small area in my experience.
Hi Elise,
I wonder if you can give me some advice? We have a slightly unusual set-up in that myself, my husband and 3 daughters live together and then on the side of our house, my dad lives in a two-storey annexe. We have an connecting door to his part on the landing and we share a utility room, but we mostly live quite separately.
My dad adopted 10 month old brother and sister kittens about 7 years ago. We were all keen at the time for them to be allowed in the whole house and interact with all of us. I can’t remember if it happened straight away but the female cat started spraying our part of the house a lot. In hindsight we should have worked harder to help her but with young children and not much energy, we decided on the easy option and the cats started living just in my dad’s part of the house although I would regularly go in to see them and see them outside. Unfortunately the female cat got run over a few years later.
The remaining male cat, Will, is now 8 years old. He’s very happy and settled with my dad and he really likes me if I go into my dad’s part of the house but he doesn’t like my 2 youngest daughters and can’t stand my husband. If he’s not happy then he just runs and hides. He doesn’t like coming into our part of the house even if the opportunity arises.
We’ve really wanted to get our own cat but have been worried for a long time about how this would work. However we decided this summer that we’d go for it. We have recently got a female kitten (about 4 weeks ago) who is really lovely and affectionate with us and settled into our house very quickly. However the 2 cats are really not happy about each other.
They’ve only once seen each other without us intervening and that happened through the glass of our back door. They looked at each other for a while before Lottie (our kitten) put her paws on the door and then Will made an aggressive move towards her which really frightened her. I’ve been keen for them to get to know each other though as they will have to start sharing a garden at some point, and so have been taking Lottie in to my dad’s part of the house when I know Will is around (one time most days) but he just runs and hides and she starts hissing, growling and seeming very stressed.
It doesn’t actually matter if they don’t live together at all in the house as they can continue to live separately but my concern is about what happens when Lottie is allowed outside. They will need to share the cat flap to outside (which is in the utility room) and need to share the garden. Do you have any tips at all?
I’m not sure if all your great advice in the article applies in our situation as the two cats don’t naturally have any shared space at the moment but I’m worried if I leave it, that when they can go outside they’ll be awful fights. Although Will’s nature is to run away when he’s frightened, he is a large cat and huge compared to Lottie so if he did decide to strike then I particularly worry what’ll happen.
Thanks,
Gemma
Hello, I hope you can comment. Our calico, Zooey, was adopted at around age 2. She was very loving toward me and my husband after just a short time and would sleep with us every night, next to our legs, and not move til morning. In March (six months ago) we adopted a calico, Franny. She’s about 5 years old. She is super loving towards my husband and I. We keep the two separated for the most part, because Franny is ALWAYS looking for Zooey and is aggressive toward her, even though she has her own room, food bowls, cat tree, and litter box. As a result Zooey no longer sleeps with us, she won’t even come in our bedroom. She spends most of her time (including sleep time) in the garage. She only comes in to eat and rarely comes to either of us for pets. Will this resolve over time, or will she always be stressed by Franny?
Hi Karen Iām in a similar situation but with older females cats. Did yours ever end up getting along?
How about when a kitten is the aggressor to the older cat but not old cat though? Both are females. The older cat have tried to make the kitten stop attacking her but nothing worked so right now when the kitten keeps bothering her and the older cat failed at getting the kitten to stop we remove the kitten and either put her in a crate or burrito her gently to calm her down. We got several toys for her inluding ribbon wand and that is not enough for the kitten. She seems like she is a very hyperactive kitten.
We let the older cat have access to our master bedroom and kitten is not allowed in there.
We will try some of these tips. Thanks for this long article. Much needed.
Hey Elise, I would love some advice. I have had my fur baby Artemis for three years now, ever since she was a tiny kitten. She’s always been a sweet and playful but tends to be a little skittish and standoffish. Unfortunetly since I got her in college I wasn’t able to care for any other animals so she spent her childhood as an only child. Now, fastforward three years later, my roommate has gotten herself a cat, he’s a young male named Odysseus, we’re not sure of his age but we know he’s younger than her. He’s a goofball he loves attention and is nearly always playful, very polar opposite of her. We kept them apart until we could have him neutered, but once we started letting them interact they immediately didn’t get along. Odysseus always seems to think they are playing so he’ll chase her around until she’s back up into a corner and then he won’t let her escape, even though she’ll be hissing and showing all the signs until she is forced to get violent. I mean they get VIOLENT, hissing, screaming, scratching, everything. We tried everything we could think of, but the issue is he gets so fixated on her and won’t leave her alone. It’s gotten so bad we have them completely separated 24/7 now for both their safety and stress levels. We alternate who has full access to the house and who is closed off in a bedroom (they each have their own litter box, food bowl and water source in their separate bedrooms), we switch every day. I understand that Artemis is stressed and that’s why she’s acting out in violence but it seem that Odysseus is the stressor and I’m not sure how to train him into leaving her alone. The weird thing is I’m currently at my parents house on a vacation and brought Artemis with me, I was hoping a break from Odyssus would help her calm down, but my parents also have a cat, Minerva, again outgoing playful, and their around the same age as her, but the exact same behavior is happening now. Minerva won’t leave Artmeis alone and keeps backing her up into corners, which is resulting in fights. The only good news my parents house is much bigger than my own so they have more space to roam, so the fights are a lot less constant but it’s still at least once a day. I”m starting to think it’s Artemis’s behavior and not the others cats. Got any suggestions? Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you!
This to me sounds like you and your mom have one cat each who loves to play and have fun, and your Artemis is just the opposite, she has a personality like my Avery who really would rather be left alone by other cats and definitely not attempted to play with. Avery is aggressive to other cats if he is bothered by other cats too much (not by humans, he loves his humans), and will escalate if they don’t stop when he tells them to stop.
I would say it’s really hard having goofball kitties in the same space as more somber and serious types. The resolution in my household came when I brought in a third, also very hyperactive kitty, so the two hyper ones played together all day and left the serious cat alone. I think the best thing you could probably do is try to wear him out with so much play that he doesn’t get obsessive about trying to play with her.
I also think Minerva and Odysseus would get along quite a lot better than any other combination of the cats you and your mom have. I’d test that out and see how that goes, introducing him at your mum’s first then maybe bringing all three in to your house to see the dynamic.
Not to say that you and your mom should switch cats, but maybe if you brought Minerva in for a few days to see how that dynamic went (do Odysseus and Minerva play together and leave Artemis alone, restoring peace?) you could then know it’s likely a bubbly bouncy kitten who’s incredibly hyperactive will fix the tension between Odysseus and Artemis by giving Odysseus an equally playful playmate. If that’s a possible option (taking in a third to restore peace), it’d be good to know if it would work with the Minerva test.
By the way – love your cats’ names so stinkin’ much! Very nice naming convention š
Hi Elise…my two female cats are littermates, 3yrs, and have got on well (they never sleep in the same room and one is a bit more forceful at meal time) until a male un-neutered cat came in the house. They’ve had a few altercations in the garden previously so my two were highly stressed to see him inside their home. The end result being my cats falling out in a big way. The smaller cat spent a whole week on top of the wardrobe. It’s been three weeks and tensions are still running high (I’m keeping them separate but any meeting is tense and could easily break out into a fight) and I’ve read lots and lots on the internet, I’ve spoken to the Vet and tried Nutracalm. I’ve spoken to a behaviourist also who suggested the extra resources but these are all already in place. I’ve contacted the local Cat Shelter for their advice and they suggested Jackson Galaxy, and I’ve chatted to people and read lots of post on forums. Today I came across this post and the penny finally dropped. It’s the anxious cat I need to be focussing on here. So that’s what I’ve done all day, AND, it’s working. The back garden is stressing her out, I’ve set up my office in the kitchen with French doors leading out in their enclosure in the garden (where the male cat parades). She wants to be with me but I’m located in her most vulnerable spot. I’ve moved myself into the living room, and set up office in there. She has sleep peacefully beside me all day which meant the smaller cat was able to make her way downstairs (very cautiously I might add) The end result was the sat opposite sides of the kitchen to eachother waiting for the supper. They ate out of sight of each other but the little one was able to make her way back upstairs without much intervention from me. I’ve now set up a little cardboard box on my dining room table with a view to the front of the house and the aggressor is sleeping like a baby. This means the little cat is able to come downstairs. I’m aware that this is only day one, and I’m not counting my chickens just yet, but your advice about focussing on the anxious cat has made such a difference today. I can’t thank you enough, I’m overwhelmed in fact. Thank you, thank you, thank you xxxx
What a sweet comment, thank you so much for taking the time to leave it! <3
I really hope things go well for you, and they start to get along better more quickly than you anticipated. Keep me posted on how things progress, yeah?
15 year old female, spaded cat, just happy to sleep and be fed, Then baby cat given to us by family because they felt I was needful of earlier 17 year old cat that had died. Anyway it was a nightmare as baby cat that we thought was a female turned out to be male, to our surprise, ( then fixed). Now we are starting over, baby male is now out of kennel and away from older cat. Older cat wants nothing to do with baby and has always appeared very frightened. Female is declawed, male is not. Besides keeping them separated, what to do. Using a Feliway Defuser, but don’t think that is working though know everything takes awhile. He is better, but still big spurts of energy. Feed them both twice a day but not together. Leave dry food in feeder in separate bathroom, and also a small bowl in his previous enclosure. At this point, both are good but not together. Do I just keep them separated as before? Discouraged….
Thanks for replying.
They are slowly improving with each day. Church is picking fights less often but he won’t sit on my lap if Goose jumps up next to him. Goose still doesn’t care lol.
Only time will tell I guess!
Same with my two about the improving each day. There are days I can’t tell if they’re fighting or playing, but it’s always this confusing “is Avery playing too rough” than before where I felt like it was just Avery picking on Bjorn. He’s definitely making an effort to get along with Bjorn, but jeezus do two male cats make a lot of noise when they play sometimes.
I definitely would love it if you stopped by every so often and let me know how things have been progressing for you, especially being in a similar position myself!
Hey Elise,
Its been a while since I last commented, so thought I would check in. We have moved house since my last comment and the boys settled straight away! It is a much more amicable relationship these days. They will play and occasionally Church will get nasty but Goose weighs 500g more than him now so has a more power to fight him off if needed, though he only does it last minute (always a pacifist). I would say Church would probably still prefer being an only cat, but they will eat dinner together and occasionally share a close space together. It took time but atleast I’m not in constant fear of leaving them alone with each other.
Great ideas. Many years ago we took in a senior cat and rescued her from a very bad kittyhood. Many years later a Momma cat dropped her baby kitten off at our house. The kitten was about 4 weeks old. We took her in. Our solution was locking the Dining room door and separating the cats with a screen door. It actually worked. When we introduced the cats There was only a little hissing from the senior cat and none from the kitten. The senior cat died almost 4 years ago and we still have the kitten we took in. Her name is Daisy Mae.
I didn’t know that was how you met Daisy Mae! What a lovely story!
Good on you for thinking to lock the dining room and separate the cats with a screen door! So glad it worked out š
I have two cats, Church and Goose. Goose is the newcomer, only being with us for 2 months (hes 9 months old), whilst Church is 2. Church has had to endure a triple whammy of anxiety, house move, new cat and restricted outdoor access all in one go so its no wonder hes not taken to Goose very well. Hes now allowed outside again which has alleviated his stress a little bit and 80% of the time hes fine with Goose, its just that witching hour in evening when he is hyped up and will chase Goose and jump on him (biting the back of his neck which I believe is a dominance thing) Goose is so chilled he will just take the hit and lie there until its too painful which is when he will squeal. If I notice Church is on one, I will make a noise BEFORE he starts to chase, which tends to break the fixation. Anyway I guess my question is, how long has it taken to get your cats to the point where they are now and you don’t have to stress about Avery taking it out on Bjorn when you aren’t there? P.s. We do keep them separate if someone isnt home to supervise and they also live with a dog who isn’t interested in the slightest.
Quite frankly, without the automatic feeder to remove Avery’s anxiety related to hunger, I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving the two alone, and I still won’t leave the two together if I think I may be home later than expected (i.e. when I feed them their evening meal, and when Avery typically gets hyperactive, if he ever does).
But basically: it’s taken around 4 months. And now I feel comfortable leaving them alone together for most of the day. Still not sure how long it will take me to feel comfortable leaving them at any time together.
I don’t think it’s the fastest process, though to me the end result is what matters and I have the time and patience to wait it out and make sure it’s done right (i.e. keep separating them to prevent setbacks and possible increased aggression). I think absolutely this has a lot to do with the fact that they’re both males, both adults, Avery was an only-child cat prior, and probably because it took me so long to get the automatic timed feeder as well. But still, I think it takes quite a bit of time in general.
Cats seem to be adaptable to me – but they aren’t fast at adapting. Based on my experience you can train them to do a lot, and to accept a lot, but it really does take ages for them to change in some ways.