Has it ever occurred to you that maybe cats have a secret set of rules they live by? If this thought has ever crossed your mind, I’m here to let you know you’re not alone.
Cats all seem hard-wired into behaving in similar adorable-yet-trouble-making ways. I thought it’d be nice to take a minute and try to identify as many of these strange, quirky “underlying traits” of our feline friends as I could.
Now, I’m sure that if any secret cat rules existed, there would be a lot more than the small number I’ve listed here. But I do feel this list is off to a good start. If you can think of any more secret rules cats seem to live by, do list them in the comments!
And now for those I’ve uncovered…
Picture from post The Pesky Houseguest: Weiss the Cat
25 Secret Rules Kitties All Seem to Live By
- Humans first and foremost exist to serve. Food, mostly; and to be loo-cleaners of course.
- They are good servants if you are a good master. And sometimes if you are not, but there’s no way to know with your particular human servant. Keep pushing the line to see how far you can go with your antics as a ruler.
- This human thing called, “No” – we all understand it, but it’s of utmost importance you try your best not to show you do. The more you can feign ignorance, the more you can get away with.
- Humans also have a second purpose besides serving that you will grow to appreciate: they give heat. Warmth is important, don’t forget to use humans as heaters when it’s cold. Unlike their “heaters,” their bodies serve as evened out, not-too-hot warmth in temperature. It’s wonderful.
- Of course, if they move too much, it’s not worth the trouble. They should be still for you and if not, that’s annoying, get out of there.
- Humans can be trained to do what you like quite easily, but you have to make sure you “throw them a bone” every once in a while. You know, by making them do that stretch-up thing with their mouths. Happy, I think they call it? Stretch out on your back, they seem to like it.
- Oh also, they love our meows, so if you want something, sing to them.
- If they’re not giving in you’re not singing loud or fast enough for them. Try harder. They’re just waiting for you to show them you really want what you’re after.
- Never play with the toy the human gives you. There are other, more interesting things. They don’t understand our taste, even after all these years of servitude.
- Whenever a door is closed, it must be opened. This is not debatable.
- Similarly, you should never be forced to decide which side of the door to be on; both sides of it should always be an option. Any suggestion otherwise is insubordination.
- Boxes are gifts from the gods. If you do not at least make an effort to fit in one, you’re insulting the heavens.
- The longer you sit in these boxes, the happier the gods will be. Extra points for napping in them.
- Bags are lesser gifts from the gods, though similar rules apply to them.
- Humans understand that we have a direct line to the gods through this act of sitting in boxes and bags. If they take you in, it’s because they understand that serving this connection to the gods will ultimately lead to their own happiness.
- When humans wear clothing, they’re merely warming blankets up for you to sleep on. Make sure you take advantage of these warmed blankets whenever you are given the opportunity.
- Oh, also, make sure you scratch and knead in them. Humans have terrible taste in dress; the more strings you can pull out to make individual strands of like our fur, the better their appearance will be.
- Litter boxes should be clean, very clean before you use them. If you have peed once and can hold it – wait until the human cleans then use immediately after.
- “Dog” is only frightening if you have not exerted your will over him. Once you have, you’ll realize that dog becomes yours in the same way human has become yours.
- Though dog is a little more useless, he has a very good servant role that human is not very good at: plaything.
- When the humans call you to come, make sure you do not. This is the easiest way to make sure they always see there is a difference between us and the “dog.”
- Oh, but if there is food, you may be forgiven for going – no one could ever ask you to turn a good snack down. Waste not, want not.
- If there is an item on the table that shouldn’t be there – knock it down.
- Watch out for things that threaten your dominance as the head of the state. Don’t worry about humans or other animals, I’m mostly talking about other cats. They’re the only ones who have a chance at overpowering you and taking your throne.
- Though sometimes, it’s permissible to share your crown with another feline. Only if the help steps up and continues to manage their serving duties just as well, of course!
Other Rules Cats Seem to Live By?
Can you think up any other secret rules kitties likely live by that I’ve forgotten?
Let me know what else there might be in the comments down below.