Has it ever occurred to you that maybe cats have a secret set of rules they live by? If this thought has ever crossed your mind, I’m here to let you know you’re not alone.
Cats all seem hard-wired into behaving in similar adorable-yet-trouble-making ways. I thought it’d be nice to take a minute and try to identify as many of these strange, quirky “underlying traits” of our feline friends as I could.
Now, I’m sure that if any secret cat rules existed, there would be a lot more than the small number I’ve listed here. But I do feel this list is off to a good start. If you can think of any more secret rules cats seem to live by, do list them in the comments!
And now for those I’ve uncovered…
Picture from post The Pesky Houseguest: Weiss the Cat
25 Secret Rules Kitties All Seem to Live By
- Humans first and foremost exist to serve. Food, mostly; and to be loo-cleaners of course.
- They are good servants if you are a good master. And sometimes if you are not, but there’s no way to know with your particular human servant. Keep pushing the line to see how far you can go with your antics as a ruler.
- This human thing called, “No” – we all understand it, but it’s of utmost importance you try your best not to show you do. The more you can feign ignorance, the more you can get away with.
- Humans also have a second purpose besides serving that you will grow to appreciate: they give heat. Warmth is important, don’t forget to use humans as heaters when it’s cold. Unlike their “heaters,” their bodies serve as evened out, not-too-hot warmth in temperature. It’s wonderful.
- Of course, if they move too much, it’s not worth the trouble. They should be still for you and if not, that’s annoying, get out of there.
- Humans can be trained to do what you like quite easily, but you have to make sure you “throw them a bone” every once in a while. You know, by making them do that stretch-up thing with their mouths. Happy, I think they call it? Stretch out on your back, they seem to like it.
- Oh also, they love our meows, so if you want something, sing to them.
- If they’re not giving in you’re not singing loud or fast enough for them. Try harder. They’re just waiting for you to show them you really want what you’re after.
- Never play with the toy the human gives you. There are other, more interesting things. They don’t understand our taste, even after all these years of servitude.
- Whenever a door is closed, it must be opened. This is not debatable.
- Similarly, you should never be forced to decide which side of the door to be on; both sides of it should always be an option. Any suggestion otherwise is insubordination.
- Boxes are gifts from the gods. If you do not at least make an effort to fit in one, you’re insulting the heavens.
- The longer you sit in these boxes, the happier the gods will be. Extra points for napping in them.
- Bags are lesser gifts from the gods, though similar rules apply to them.
- Humans understand that we have a direct line to the gods through this act of sitting in boxes and bags. If they take you in, it’s because they understand that serving this connection to the gods will ultimately lead to their own happiness.
- When humans wear clothing, they’re merely warming blankets up for you to sleep on. Make sure you take advantage of these warmed blankets whenever you are given the opportunity.
- Oh, also, make sure you scratch and knead in them. Humans have terrible taste in dress; the more strings you can pull out to make individual strands of like our fur, the better their appearance will be.
- Litter boxes should be clean, very clean before you use them. If you have peed once and can hold it – wait until the human cleans then use immediately after.
- “Dog” is only frightening if you have not exerted your will over him. Once you have, you’ll realize that dog becomes yours in the same way human has become yours.
- Though dog is a little more useless, he has a very good servant role that human is not very good at: plaything.
- When the humans call you to come, make sure you do not. This is the easiest way to make sure they always see there is a difference between us and the “dog.”
- Oh, but if there is food, you may be forgiven for going – no one could ever ask you to turn a good snack down. Waste not, want not.
- If there is an item on the table that shouldn’t be there – knock it down.
- Watch out for things that threaten your dominance as the head of the state. Don’t worry about humans or other animals, I’m mostly talking about other cats. They’re the only ones who have a chance at overpowering you and taking your throne.
- Though sometimes, it’s permissible to share your crown with another feline. Only if the help steps up and continues to manage their serving duties just as well, of course!
Other Rules Cats Seem to Live By?
Can you think up any other secret rules kitties likely live by that I’ve forgotten?
Let me know what else there might be in the comments down below.
Kim says
August 25, 2018 at 5:33 amWhat is it about cats and suitcases? Are they trying to keep us from leaving the house by hampering our efforts at packing, or perhaps making sure that we won’t forget them while we’re gone by leaving plenty of “home souvenirs ” (aka cat hairs) in the bag and on the contents..?
All I know for sure is that it’s nearly impossible to pack properly without sufficient “cat help”. ; )
Elise Xavier says
September 12, 2018 at 5:45 amThey really do love their suitcases! Even unpacking can be tricky with a cat around 😉
Jess says
August 18, 2018 at 8:46 pm“If a human lays out any clothes, you MUST lay down and claim it as your own immediately. The tend to tease us with these temporary comfort zones and you need to take advantage before they grab them from right under you.”
Anyone else have this issue 🙂
Elise Xavier says
August 19, 2018 at 6:22 amSpot on with this one!
Valyne says
August 12, 2018 at 11:24 pmOh my cat Lexie spends a lot of time in the bathroom sink. Curled up nicely. Sometimes I slowly turn on the water to get her to move.
Also I know I am not the only one that never gets to use the bathroom even to shower without a furry audience. Love her
Elise Xavier says
August 13, 2018 at 5:28 pmThat is so sweet about sitting curled up in the bathroom sink. It’s almost like some cats think sinks were contoured for their bodies haha.
Using the bathroom *always* happens with a furry audience, this is so true. I don’t know how this is one I’d forgotten!
Lis says
April 17, 2018 at 7:12 pmIm trying to study….. ur notes are the comfiest place to settle down …….. vacuums out straight under the duvet ……fridge is open ..”please just a little bit” ….. they all have their wee characters but we wouldn’t change em lets b honest 😸
Elise Xavier says
April 20, 2018 at 9:53 amOh my word, Avery LOVES sitting on notes, notebooks, and any kind of paper you have lying around haha. The vacuum is true of him, too. Straight to his hiding place, or at the very least, to the other end of the room 🙂
Avery would walk into the fridge I think if I left it open long enough. I think he likes exploring in there a wee bit too much 😉 And yes indeed, we wouldn’t change ’em, it’s true! 😀
Gonny says
December 9, 2017 at 9:43 amThere seems to be another rule that my cat abides by, but haven’t noticed much in other cats:
Don’t ever agree with changes being made to your environment. Whether it’s boxes being thrown out that you liked, piles of clothing being put on the floor for cleaning later, or furniture being moved around. Make sure you show your indignance by walking around restlessly, meowing more than usual and ignoring your human when you would normally give them attention. This way they will wonder what is wrong and hopefully deduct that you’re angry with them for changing your living space.
Oh, and another rule: leave the room immediately, preferably even the house if you have that option, if your human goes on a cleaning frenzy and pulls out that horrid machine that just makes a lot of noise and seems to suck up and swallow everything in its path. Ok, we want our living space to be clean too, but what’s wrong with that bristly thing that hardly makes any noise?
Elise Xavier says
December 9, 2017 at 3:42 pmI have never heard of a cat being this intolerant of change! I have to admit her grumpiness sounds pretty endearing haha. Loved how your story about her made me feel like I’d met her before, thank you so much for sharing this! 🙂
Gonny says
December 9, 2017 at 3:49 pmOh, she’s not really grumpy I think (but what do I know?), just upset. And she lets me know it, hahaha. And you’re right, it’s quite endearing. It always gives me a chuckle, except when she starts the meowing and walkabouts at night, when I’m trying to sleep… 😉
Elise Xavier says
December 9, 2017 at 4:13 pmAw poor thing! Not grumpy, just upset. I think I’d find it hard to move anything in the house at that point! Can’t personally say no to a cat with a complaint!
Sounds like she does quite thorough inspections at night. What a personality! 🙂
Emma says
August 22, 2018 at 2:08 amMy tonkinese is just like that! Just doesn’t like any changes to her environment. It even extends to if someone goes away for a weekend. She definitely shows her displeasure when you return.
Lily says
September 21, 2017 at 7:18 amYou’ve forgotten about the “why is the human not paying attention to me?”-rule which says that if anything makes the impression of being more important to the human than the cat at the moment, the cat will have to sit on it, especially books and conputers.
Elise Xavier says
September 21, 2017 at 7:19 amSuch a good point! So spot on what they’re like! 🙂
Kristy says
June 11, 2017 at 9:17 amMy cat seems to follow a “if I fit, I sit” rule. It’s kinda like if it fits, it ships. I have finished doing dishes and found my cat laying in the sink (the dry side of course). I reorganized my counters and he sat in an empty space that I cleaned out. His newest places to sit are in my bathroom sink and on top of my dresser in my bedroom. You can’t forget all the water rules too!
Elise Xavier says
June 16, 2017 at 3:49 amThat’s adorable! The only cat I know who’s extreme about that rule is the one in the picture. Never met a cat who tried to fit into objects so tight! I feel like most cats like at least a little wiggle room 😉
I would love to see pictures of your cat sitting in the bathroom sink! Tops of dressers I’ve most certainly even encouraged, it’s a nice view of the room for them, I think, but sink – just downright hilarious! 🙂
Tanja (the Red phone box travels) says
May 25, 2017 at 4:17 amso true!:)
Jean | DelightfulRepast.com says
April 17, 2017 at 1:05 pmLove it! Our cat knows these rules well!
Elise Xavier says
April 18, 2017 at 3:20 amHaha – mine, too! Thanks for stopping by, Jean!